Repeating himself

[Juju]

Do people with personality disorders repeat themselves??  I find that my partner is always repeating what he is going to do, over and over.  He is actually quite lazy so when he does something (like work in the yard or whatever) he has to tell everybody about it! Is this something that people with personally disorders do??

[Adria]

Not sure Juju,

I've never been told I have a personality disorder, however, I realize that I tend to repeat myself.  I think it stems from never feeling seen or heard in my family.  Yikes! I'll have to keep closer tabs on that

[GoodPesto]

Interesting question Juju.
The repeating for me can be a sign in a specific frame. I saw something happening so regularly it became a red flag to me.
It's a certain kind of excessive talking that involves repeating, mainly NPD related.

In these cases there is zero consideration of how much listening from the other must be done, there is often a big disbalance with regard to talking/listening and also basically zero interest in how the other person perceives the information or what s/he thinks about it.
It seems like the talking person is not looking for exchange but for the feeling of being listened to and/or the sheer dominance of the situation/conversation.
Often enough the importance of the information does not match the time and details spent sharing it. Like: This is what I ate today (and I don't care if you like hearing about it). It's what I eat every day (what you already know because I told you but can't be bothered to remember). It is very special (it is not but when I like eating it, it is). But this morning it was even more special (like me). Some of the oat flakes were more oval than others. Not only that but I also had to blink twice once while eating it. (blessed are the ones who have heard this wisdom and acknowledge the especialness of the speaker).

While interesting news like this were travelling to me, I found myself regularly being stared at, asking for eye contact and 100% of my attention span.
It often felt like being pinned down by the amount of words, the speed at which they are uttered and the strong demand of attention. Nothing seems too trivial to be shared, and no length of a monologue is too long. It feels very exploitative of my listening skills.

In a former relationship I spent a lot of time actively disengaging from what I called verbal spam.
This person would similar to your husband have mentioned that he is going to do something in the yard beforehand at least twice over the same breakfast and after breakfast while he is walking past me to go there he would have said it again. It was driving me crazy to have to listen to what he is going to do while being already able to see what he is going to do and on top having been informed beforehand already what he is planning to do, all of that in such a short time. It's a too much of the same information. Very irritating. This did not seem to be functional for this person (like Adria is describing a possible function of her repetitions) but his verbal actions appeared in an aura of "how could one not be interested to hear whatever (!) I am saying?".

One of the warning sign these days for me is an indifference towards the information if the shared had been shared already.
Once a "You told me already" slips through from my side and there is no emotional movement (typically surprise followed by a little bit of embarrassment) or there is a reaction that is within the range of "so what?" and "how dare you interrupt me?", I know what type of person I might be dealing with and act accordingly.

[Juju]

yes so true and I realize introspectively that there is so much more to his repeating himself than just being irritating to me!

[SeaBreeze]

I think this could be "all apples are fruit, but not all fruit is apples" trait. Repeating oneself could be due to PD. It could be cognitive decline from age. It could just be an odd habit. In my own marriage, ex-uNPDh repeated himself during arguments when he was being stubborn and refused to see my viewpoint or admit he was wrong. Whereas I repeated myself when I felt ignored or unheard. (Hence many of our circular discussions. Thankfully I stopped contributing to that particular cycle.) My uNPD mother, comorbid schizoaffective, repeated herself during manic spells. Whereas today my elderly father repeats himself because he's starting to show signs of senility. So yea, PDs repeat themselves. But so do a lot of us for varying reasons?

[Juju]

It is also I believe repeating themselves is like trying to drive a point home, over and over and yes like possibly thinking they are not being heard the first time!

[walking on broken glass]

Interesting question Juju.
The repeating for me can be a sign in a specific frame. I saw something happening so regularly it became a red flag to me.
It's a certain kind of excessive talking that involves repeating, mainly NPD related.

In these cases there is zero consideration of how much listening from the other must be done, there is often a big disbalance with regard to talking/listening and also basically zero interest in how the other person perceives the information or what s/he thinks about it.
It seems like the talking person is not looking for exchange but for the feeling of being listened to and/or the sheer dominance of the situation/conversation.
Often enough the importance of the information does not match the time and details spent sharing it. Like: This is what I ate today (and I don't care if you like hearing about it). It's what I eat every day (what you already know because I told you but can't be bothered to remember). It is very special (it is not but when I like eating it, it is). But this morning it was even more special (like me). Some of the oat flakes were more oval than others. Not only that but I also had to blink twice once while eating it. (blessed are the ones who have heard this wisdom and acknowledge the especialness of the speaker).

While interesting news like this were travelling to me, I found myself regularly being stared at, asking for eye contact and 100% of my attention span.
It often felt like being pinned down by the amount of words, the speed at which they are uttered and the strong demand of attention. Nothing seems too trivial to be shared, and no length of a monologue is too long. It feels very exploitative of my listening skills.

In a former relationship I spent a lot of time actively disengaging from what I called verbal spam.
This person would similar to your husband have mentioned that he is going to do something in the yard beforehand at least twice over the same breakfast and after breakfast while he is walking past me to go there he would have said it again. It was driving me crazy to have to listen to what he is going to do while being already able to see what he is going to do and on top having been informed beforehand already what he is planning to do, all of that in such a short time. It's a too much of the same information. Very irritating. This did not seem to be functional for this person (like Adria is describing a possible function of her repetitions) but his verbal actions appeared in an aura of "how could one not be interested to hear whatever (!) I am saying?".

One of the warning sign these days for me is an indifference towards the information if the shared had been shared already.
Once a "You told me already" slips through from my side and there is no emotional movement (typically surprise followed by a little bit of embarrassment) or there is a reaction that is within the range of "so what?" and "how dare you interrupt me?", I know what type of person I might be dealing with and act accordingly.


[/quote

Interesting question Juju.
The repeating for me can be a sign in a specific frame. I saw something happening so regularly it became a red flag to me.
It's a certain kind of excessive talking that involves repeating, mainly NPD related.

In these cases there is zero consideration of how much listening from the other must be done, there is often a big disbalance with regard to talking/listening and also basically zero interest in how the other person perceives the information or what s/he thinks about it.
It seems like the talking person is not looking for exchange but for the feeling of being listened to and/or the sheer dominance of the situation/conversation.
Often enough the importance of the information does not match the time and details spent sharing it. Like: This is what I ate today (and I don't care if you like hearing about it). It's what I eat every day (what you already know because I told you but can't be bothered to remember). It is very special (it is not but when I like eating it, it is). But this morning it was even more special (like me). Some of the oat flakes were more oval than others. Not only that but I also had to blink twice once while eating it. (blessed are the ones who have heard this wisdom and acknowledge the especialness of the speaker).

While interesting news like this were travelling to me, I found myself regularly being stared at, asking for eye contact and 100% of my attention span.
It often felt like being pinned down by the amount of words, the speed at which they are uttered and the strong demand of attention. Nothing seems too trivial to be shared, and no length of a monologue is too long. It feels very exploitative of my listening skills.

In a former relationship I spent a lot of time actively disengaging from what I called verbal spam.
This person would similar to your husband have mentioned that he is going to do something in the yard beforehand at least twice over the same breakfast and after breakfast while he is walking past me to go there he would have said it again. It was driving me crazy to have to listen to what he is going to do while being already able to see what he is going to do and on top having been informed beforehand already what he is planning to do, all of that in such a short time. It's a too much of the same information. Very irritating. This did not seem to be functional for this person (like Adria is describing a possible function of her repetitions) but his verbal actions appeared in an aura of "how could one not be interested to hear whatever (!) I am saying?".

One of the warning sign these days for me is an indifference towards the information if the shared had been shared already.
Once a "You told me already" slips through from my side and there is no emotional movement (typically surprise followed by a little bit of embarrassment) or there is a reaction that is within the range of "so what?" and "how dare you interrupt me?", I know what type of person I might be dealing with and act accordingly.

 

It really depends on the context and the person's intentions and reaction to being told.

[Tribe16]

I realize that I tend to repeat myself.  I think it stems from never feeling seen or heard in my family.  Yikes! I'll have to keep closer tabs on that

Adria,
Recovering people-pleaser here, AKA over-explainer, which I've learned through therapy and reading is so common with children of emotionally abusive parents. It's taken lots of work and self-talk-in-my-head to exert my "short and sweet" muscles. Less really is more. I don't know if repeating one's self is the same, but I'm sure that has been part of my M.O. in order to "get it right" and be heard correctly. Because misrepresentation of things I've said has followed me most of my life when it comes to Mom.