Stuck

[skybox]

Feeling a little stuck lately on many fronts. Still single after leaving unpd years ago and all of friends are married or have partners. Some are kind - others seem less pleasant.
I had a long distance relationship  - private- with someone from the past, ended up giving a lot of support to this person through a tough spot, who then treated me like  a stranger.  It was manipulative and I feel such an idiot. There is no one to confide in, as I kept it private.
On the one hand, this is good- no fuel for gossip, but gosh it's lonely.
It seems likely I will never have another relationship , and I am struggling a little. Where from here?

[Lookin 2 B Free]

I'm really sorry this happened to you, Skybox.  I can see why you'd feel glad to avoid gossip.  This is a good place to share what can't be shared elsewhere and know there are people who understand and wish you well.

One of the core beliefs I have coming out of a history of childhood sexual abuse and a PD FOO has been "If people (especially male love interests) want you, it's because they want to use you."  I didn't think I'd ever pair with someone who wouldn't do that, wouldn't, once the initial chase was over, become uncaring  and manipulative.  I had a lot of that experience.

Some of us do leave PD relationships and never pair again.  And many of those happily find their friends, loved ones, and meaningful life pursuits.  And some, like me, spend time alone doing healing work and eventually pair up again.  I hope you find support and healing here in this forum, Skybox.  And a sense of wholeness whether you are single or not.

[skybox]

Thanks L2BF, and it is indeed a matter of readjustment...it helps to say what happened. I am a little isolated, and need to work on this.

I am sorry you had to go that in childhood, and glad you came through it. It particularly nice to know you found love.

 Understanding the effects of FOO is powerful- I found some helpful stuff online, validating. Looking back, I am full of compassion for my young self in the FOO ( a lot there). If we had time travel, we could go back and rescue ourselves 

[Rebel13]

I'm sorry you are feeling stuck in this area, skybox. Recently, MaxedOut made a couple of posts about the Burned Haystack method of dating. It sounded interesting overall in terms of noticing red flags in all kinds of relationships, not just dating, even though that is the focus. Something to think about!

[skybox]

Thanks Rebel for the linked to maxed out book recommendation! I like the concept ...
The long distance relationship went for the soft underbelly, memories of times past. found the girl I was for a short time,snd gave freely. There's the mistake, as old flame made zero investment, and placed no value...feeling very foolish.

And now, have friends, nearly launched adult kids, work, a hobby, a pet...  but the world is built for couples, people with backup. Not complaining as such, just musing.  It's still a relief to be free of unpd..maybe that's enough