New to fog lifting

[HealingGarden]

So grateful this forum exists.  A few days ago, during a couples counseling session my spouse blew up, big time. The therapist's suggestions to start medication were ignored.  My spouse then walked out of the session.  The counselor asked me if I now realize (and I do) that I am in a verbally abusive relationship.  This forum has helped me grasp concepts like the 3 C's and JADE.  Thank you.  I am in the stage of grieving and letting go of my dream that if we could only rationally and reasonably understand one another then we could work together and move forward.  Not gonna happen.  I have ordered "Should I Stay or Should I Go ".  Any other suggestions or maybe just a bit of encouragement?  Thanks,
HealingGarden

[Rebel13]

Welcome HealingGarden! I'm sorry for the loss of belief that solving your relationship problems would be a matter of mutual understanding. I know there will be grieving, but hopefully this will also be an opportunity for you to look around for other solutions as well.

One member here, MaxedOut, often recommends the book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship." I have not read it but it is on my list!

Good luck with your situation and let us know how things are going for you, if you want to.

[bloomie]

HealingGarden - thank you for sharing a bit about the difficult circumstances you are facing in your marriage. I am so sorry! Living with the kind of risk you briefly allude to is quite a burden to bear. My hope is that you will continue to share as you are able and gain good support as you figure out your next best steps.

Welcome!

[HealingGarden]

Thank you, Rebel 13 for your understanding response,  book suggestion, and for making me feel welcome here.  And thank you Bloomie for your welcome as well.  It feels safe to be here. 

[Ed]

What helped me was switching away from leave or stay to not accepting any kind of aggression. And I became very calm. Anytime it started I just left. No excuses, explanations, not playing games. And that caused an ongoing manipulation casino: hovering, insulting, FOG. And I was very grateful for that, because anytime it happened it helped me to go forward to what I already knew. I still feel guilty, some pity for her, I'm still hoping she will act human. But she helps me a lot not going back. Mostly insulting one day and act like nothing happened next day. And I'm allergic to both. You can't negotiate a person who thinks empathy is weakness.