uASPD Probate Steamrolling Me - 6 figs not adding up+Selling House and My Stuff

[CravingSafetyPeaceFreedom]

tl;dr:  I haven't heard anything during the probate process.  My personal stuff is in my parent's house far away but I can't get to it.  The plan was for me to buy the other 1/2 of the house with the $xxx,000 of inheritance money.  He has completely ignored my communications while at the same time accusing me of not communicating with him (he's lying and projecting!).  And after months of silence, today he re-emerged saying because he couldn't reach me, he's going forward with liquidating the entire house and everything inside it.  THIS INCLUDES MY PERSONAL STUFF AND MY MOM'S PERSONAL STUFF BEFORE DIVORCE.  And this includes our late dad's entire photos, computers, phones, etc.  There is also $xxx,000 missing.  Meaning my Dad said his cash worth was $xxx,000 but less than half is there apparently.  I have zero accounting so I don't know if my Dad was mistaken or if these funds were stolen.

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This is a continuation of a thread I started around last August 2025 in the PD Parents' forum.  My late uNPD parent passed away late 2025.  My half-sibling is executor of estate and I'm the other 50/50 half of everything.

This half-sibling tried to k*** me when I was a baby so our D fought him and he ran away to live with another family.  He was basically estranged from everyone for 30+ years.  He continued the violence, manipulation, exploitation, making 8+ babies, cheating, criminality, etc.  I've spoken with a clinical psych PhD and some other licensed therapists and they think the traits -- although they are definitely full blown NPD -- could rise to the extreme of ASPD.  One speculated it could be psychopathy because of his horrible impulse control whereas a sociopath is more calm.  Whatever the "diagnosis" is is not my business.  This half-sibling re-emerged after 30 years to be very close with our bio dad.  Then out of nowhere my uNPD Dad cut off communication with me "Consider this my last contact.  Have a great life" over a misunderstanding, then he used that to blame ME for being the one to ghost him!  And in that time, he used the silent treatment to make the other son the executor.

I'm not the one who cut off communication and did a narcissistic discard -- my Dad got it backwards.  Anyway around 2024 he got very sick and passed away in late 2025.

The agreement was for me to inherit the house so I am not homeless.  Dad never got around to doing the deed to avoid probate so we still had an e-mail communication (and many phone calls I recorded) where we all talked about me buying the other half of the house.  All in writing!

uASPD Half-sibling has a pattern of going through my step-parent to "summon" me to call him, then he'll yell and abuse me.   Every time.  All recorded.  But he won't call me directly, which is weird.

Half-sibling says he has tried to call me at 3 phone numbers repeatedly but to no avail and because I can't be reached, he's moving forward with selling the house, even though that goes against my wishes!  His duty is to treat both of us equally, but if he's ASPD, of course that's not possible.

He lied though.  He knows my phone number.  He hasn't texted since December 2025 and I can prove it.  And he has ignored my e-mails asking him questions.  And he said "Oh, I've been using the wrong e-mail this whole time!!!" but in the same e-mail went "We need to communicate."

He's lying.  He's accusing me of not communicating when he is the one who is not communicating.  It's exactly the same abuse my dad did to me, to a T.

But now he says the house is for sale, and I have a ton of my stuff in it.  And so does my mom.  And this goes against everything we all agreed.

And I can't afford the house without the missing 6 figures that my Dad talked about.  Half-sibling claims he has no idea what me and Dad talked about.

I'm worried sick.

[CravingSafetyPeaceFreedom]

Re: triangulating (is that the right word) and going through step-parent to tell me to reach out to me, that's not reliable.  Doesn't it make more sense to contact me directly?  Only then can you conclude that I'm not communicating, when you use my phone number to contact me.

* It's slimy to say "Well I contacted 3 phone numbers for months now, and you haven't responded."  What phone numbers?  Why not use MY phone number that we've been using?  How is it honest to conclude that since none of those 3 numbers you called or texted didn't respond that I must be ignoring him????   And then use that to justify doing what he wants with the assets even against my benefit?  I'm pretty sure there is a legal duty to treat both of us equally as beneficiaries.

* It's slimy to say "Ohhh, I've been using [wrong email] this whole time!" when 1) we have 30-40 e-mails going back, so it's not possible to not have my correct e-mail address.  And 2) when I e-mail him, it's in his inbox.  You don't need to even know somebody's e-mail address, no?  You just need to read it and reply to it.

* It's slimy to go "I even reached out to Relative X, Relative Y, etc" and still didn't hear from you.  Why not contact me directly??  It's dishonest to say that because my relatives didn't reach out to me that I must be the problem person who is not communicating.  How am I supposed to know he wants to talk to me if he doesn't reach out to me directly???


And then he berates me and says he has a duty to move this along and that we need to communicate.  It's opposite day.  He is accusing me of the exact thing that he is doing!  And in all the 100 other examples he's done this, 1) he has zero empathy to understand how his words or actions hurt others badly.  Zero. 2) he has zero accountability to own up when he is wrong and just hems and hahs and rages; 3) he has no self-awareness and brags about his ability to manipulate others to get what he wants.

This feels beyond NPD into ASPD, especially with all the fighting and criminality since like age 5 or so.  But I'm not here to armchair diagnose since that's not right.  (But that is what clinical psychologists and licensed therapists have speculated.)

But I don't think what he's doing by selling the house is legal.  And I don't know how a quarter million dollars suddenly doesn't exist.  That's a TON of stuff from our grandparents' life savings.  He already made millions of dollars in his career and already inherited 10+ houses from his late mom.  He also does NOT care that much about our bio father -- he calls him by his name.  He also skipped the funeral.  He also didn't care to even do an obituary.

So yeah, our late father was pretty abusive NPD.  Runs in the family.  But he is so proud of how good of a person he is and not an abuser and when I bring it up, he gaslights me that the way he's raged or treated me isn't abuse and also DARVOs me and says I'm the one who is doing it.

Beyond that, there is the capacity for physical violence, including attempted m*rder.

This property is like 12 hour drive away, and I'm not healthy to get there.  I'm counting on this 6 figures of cash to pay for doctors to get back on my feet.  I've been struggling for years now with no health care and my dad passing away was supposed to be a huge blessing.  But where is the missing 6 figures?  And that was the 6 figures I was supposed to use to buy out 100% of the house!

It feels like this was a long planned game of revenge against our dad maybe.  A dad he doesn't even think of as his own.  It's possible he's just doing this for a payday and for the power.  All for self-serving interest perhaps.

I wish I could find someone like a lawyer to go to bat for me, but I have zero income.  I want prayers and safety.  And all the sentimental stuff like my personal stuff (which isn't legal to sell because it's mine) as well as my Dad's photos going back 80+ years?  Is that just going to be thrown away?  He even SAID when this is done I would get Dad's phones and computers so I can back up all the photos.  But he apparently changed his mind and is blaming me because I didn't answer at a phone number I don't even have.

[CravingSafetyPeaceFreedom]

Is it even worth responding to his unhinged e-mail replies just to "correct the record" and prove that he is lying or prove that he didn't really reach out to my phone numbers?  In the past, even when I bring evidence and truth on a silver platter, they still refuse to see the evidence right in front of them.  It really messes with my head because it doesn't make sense.  And the gaslighting, blame-shifting, mind-warping, rage/yelling, punishment, silent treatment.  It all still happens like his brain is programmed to do that.

I have a strong desire for truth and clear communication.  Win-win.  Teamwork.  I have a strong feeling he doesn't see the world and human interactions that way.  He constantly looks for ways to exploit others and to manipulate others.  In my world view, this doesn't show superiority, it shows inferiority.  But his world view is opposite.  In my view, that kind of NPD/ASPD behavior shows that you are submissive to your sinful human nature.  In his world view, it shows animal dominance in a primal sense but he is too blind to see that he's really being a submissive slave to human nature and ego.

Complete opposite world views and ways of interacting with humans.

[xredshoesx]

i'm sorry this is all going on still-  have you been able to talk to an estate lawyer who can make sure your interests are fairly represented here?

I know with my twisted family tree if/when the call comes i'm refusing anything/ everything left bc i can see the estate settlement process being a lot like what you described above.  not all money is good money. 

[SeaBreeze]

Agreed that it would be best to hire an estate lawyer if you're able. My ex-uNPDh and I both dealt with settling estates. We could not afford a lawyer with my case, yet even with a will, none of us named in the will inherited our share! But you know, I have not missed that money. Whereas we could afford a lawyer several years later with ex's case, yet even *without* a will, the estate (what hadn't been stolen already) was divided equally among all parties, and that money did prove helpful. Not to mention when anyone challenged ex, he referred them to his lawyer and ended the discussion right there. So if it is worth it, try to hire legal representation to handle this for you. If it's ultimately not worth hiring an attorney and/or dealing with the headache, it might be better for your mental health to walk away. (Just my opinion!)

[CravingSafetyPeaceFreedom]

Thank you!  I appreciate all responses and realize this forum has somewhat low activity.  But anyway, my personal situation is my health got bad enough to leave my job years ago to focus on health care.  And without a job/health insurance, and without Medicaid or other safety nets (I'm an adult 18-64), without disability, without Healthcare.gov subsidies, I've struggled BAD in rural America to get a safety net to see specialists to get stable enough to work again.

The idea with my Dad's estate is that this 6 figures of cash + 1/2 the house would be life-changing and would allow me to see doctors and specialists!  And pay off student loans.  And start working again once I see doctors first to stabilize my sleep disorder.  (I fall asleep while driving because I'm so tired from the [health condition I'm keeping private in case he stalks me here]).  Etc. etc.

I have legal recordings of all phone conversations and paper trails.  But over a quarter million is missing from the estate.  I'm not being greedy, I've already gotten a few thousand and a few more thousand are coming.  But I was counting on using all my quarter million share in cash to buy out my Dad's house so I could sort through everything.  PLUS a lot of my personal items are still there.  PLUS all of Dad's photos and computers and phones.  He SAID I could have that earlier, but he's silent about it now when I ask him repeatedly over e-mail.  I don't think the silent treatment is a mistake -- I think he's dodging my questions on purpose!

But half-sibling says he's so understanding and "wants to make you a deal to help you out" on the house.  But even if I then buy the house with what little I have left, I'm left with $0 and a moldy hoarder house across the country.  So that's not possible.

The reason I desperately want to fight for truth in this is because this is life or death for me.  It's my future.  It's health care.  My half-sibling already has millions from his used car sales career and also inherited 10+ houses.  He's filthy rich and wants more.  He has bragged about his talent in manipulating people.  He has bragged about starting fights with strangers in public stores and in bars.  I'm convinced it's not just uNPD by full-blown uASPD with his violence going back to childhood and extreme zero remorse/empathy and exploitation of others.  And PhD clinical psychologists (and Master's level therapists who specialize in narcissistic abuse stuff) have told me in private it could very well be ASPD sociopathy/psychopathy, so I'm not crazy in thinking all this.

But the diagnosis and psych stuff label isn't important.

But yeah I feel validated by you guys because you believe me!  You also know how PDs work from your life experience and I'm so sorry for what you went through and I hope you survive and thrive despite what happened.  When I try to confide in family, friends, and online people about this, they just go "everyone has problems.  Maybe you are struggling being the child of an alcoholic" and they basically blame me for not communicating well enough.

I think I'm confiding in the wrong people and that's a mistake.  A LOT of people don't understand PDs, even long time nurses and physicians.  It seems even in the psych world, unless someone cares about PDs, they may still misunderstand how PDs work.  You really need a good therapist who understands PDs because a lot of the others give dangerous advice.

I also think it's a mistake in confiding in my half-sibling's estate lawyer, since he finally e-mailed me back and said "As you know, I represent [half-sibling] blah blah" and I think I'm basically giving war strategy to the enemy if that makes sense.

I just DON'T see things as adversarial.  I don't understand lying, manipulation, and theft, but I think truth is these people do exist and it's not an innocent mistake but deliberate.

So rambling aside:  I'm scrambling now calling a dozen lawyer offices in my home state across the country.  And a nice lady from Legal Aid recommended I mass e-mail (using blind carbon copy) all 20-30 lawyers in that Bar Association directory since that's faster than calling all of them or e-mailing 1 on 1.

Worst case scenario I lose the house and another $150,000.  Well worst case is he physically attacks or tries to k*** me again as adults.  But as someone who has NOTHING now.  That can go a LONG way to pay off my student loans and also pay for specialist doctors and MRI and blood tests, etc.  And pay for my wedding.  And pay to move across the country to start a new job.  So for me all this drama is worth fighting for.  I have 99% of phone conversations recorded including with people raging at me or lying a LOT in phone calls.  I think I did a good job building evidence, but I think a lawyer can represent my interests and I'm stupid to do nothing or put this off more.

I still don't understand the mindset in being a bad person on purpose and hurting people (while at the same time brag about how good of a person you are and saying I'm crazy... while also RAGING at me).  I'm just floored because he is acting 100% like the Out of the FOG website PD articles so it's almost like these people read about how to be NPD or ASPD and go "humph, that sounds like fun!"  But I think that's just who they are.  Sorry for analyzing so much.  I need to radically accept reality and also stand firm to truth so that I am not gaslighted more.

Gotta go!  Typing up a summary for lawyers in mass e-mail.  Just wish me luck or pray if you do that.  I'll keep updating when I have time, but I'm getting 0-4 hours of sleep every night and it sucks.