He is upset with me again!

[Juju]

So my younger son wants me to babysit, they usually ask my daughter in laws Mom but for whatever reason they asked me.  My partner went into a fit started going on about how my son is a spoiled brat always gets his way never does anything for me (true) how I never stand up to him.  I will be staying overnight as they may be late, omg why don't you just stay there all weekend he says.  So upsetting ... I want the kids to come over here to our house (out of my sons way) and my partner doesn't mind if the kids stay here.  But I said I would go over to their house,  What a fuss, my partner says I hate my life right now "I have no control over anything in my life!" I said why do you want to control everything!
We are not speaking right now because if I say anything he'll go off again .... thoughts anyone?

[bloomie]

Juju - that is quite a load that has been dumped on you for agreeing to spend time with your grandchild.  I am so sorry!

We are not speaking right now because if I say anything he'll go off again .... thoughts anyone?

This seems like a wise way to go given the tension this has brought forward.

I am one who does not pass up any opportunity to spend time with my grandchildren and in addition, possibly take a bit of pressure off of my adult children by helping out. It is a win/win for me.

I don't know the context of your partner's frustration, so take this with a grain or two of salt, but this seems like a major overreaction on their part. Is it possible to enjoy the time with your son/grandchild and let your partner figure out their own emotions around this?

[MaxedOut]

This reminds me that I'd sometimes lose the ability to even think about what I wanted in the reaction storm (or worries about reactions from my ex). The bit on having no control over his life is... interesting coming from the person not arranging child care, not providing childcare, and not being asked to go anywhere 

How are things today? And what would you actually like and prefer to do? Without taking into consideration other people's demands and wishes... Would you like to go over there for the day and overnight then return home? Like to stay the whole weekend and visit? Like to have the grandkids over for the weekend instead?

[Juju]

I would like to have my grandchildren over to my house but my son and daughter in law find this too much work too inconvenient (we are half an hour out of their way), they are busy but are so use to having her Mom and myself over to their house to babysit because of course it is better for them.  My partner mostly gets upset about this as he would be fine with them here as he loves kids but doesn't like me to give into my son, I feel pulled and I hate it when he rants and raves if I just ignore it he will come around and feel bad about it, but I feel I shouldn't have to put up with it and it is very upsetting to me.