Mom has passed, no ending, but a hard stop

Blueberry Pancakes · June 27, 2026, 11:51:10 AM

Well, I just wanted to let you know my mother who was my last living parent has passed away.

I saw my mother as the main PD parent who my enabling father circled around. My only sibling was their golden child. It was always just the three of them in their own little club.

Mom's passing was expected. I did visit my mom and was able to make my own form of closure with her.

The weeks prior were a whirlwind of ghastly dysfunction from my sibling that included overt anger, her physically assaulting me, financial control, hate and manipulation.

I know what my parents and sibling were and I know what I am. I hold that awareness as sacred.

I got word that my mom died from hospice. There was nothing for me to do and nowhere to go. It was as though someone pulled the plug of a radio out of the wall in the middle of a broadcast.

I do not feel relief or closure. I do not feel like anything is over. It just feels like it all just suddenly stopped. It seems like a tornado ripped through the town and now I stand looking at the debris scattered all over the place.

I never spoke to my sibling about it, and I had already blocked her on all forms of communication. Oddly, I saw an incoming call from her about three days after mom passed. She did a group call with the hospice nurse. I realized my sister circumvented the blocking with a group call. I ignored her call and blocked her ability to initiate group calls. I think she was attempting to triangulate me with the hospice nurse ... ugh, still manipulating!

I have felt peace and quietness in the aftermath. I think where that comes from is newfound mental and emotional bandwidth that I had previously been allocating just to maintain boundaries of contact and to self-comfort. What I do with that now is my new focus.

I think the journey did not end for me but has just morphed into something different.

Thank you, fellow travelers, for reading and for letting me know I am not on this road alone. Blessings to you all.

Rebel13 · June 27, 2026, 03:13:44 PM

Hi Blueberry Pancakes, I can sort of imagine that sense of shell-shocked, radio-cutting-out disorientation. Despite that, I'm glad you say you feel peaceful and that you are looking ahead to dedicating your resources to yourself instead of having to expend so much on self-protection. I imagine things will continue to evolve in the days and weeks to come, and I hope you keep on paying attention to and taking care of yourself, whatever that might look like.

moglow · June 27, 2026, 03:55:43 PM

You are not alone, for sure. I'm glad for the immediate peace and quietness -You've more than earned that. Lean hard into it when you have doubts. Let that tornado settle and remember that whatever shows up next, it's not necessarily yours to manage.

Prayers for your ongoing peace and contentment. 🩷

square · June 27, 2026, 06:51:31 PM

xredshoesx · June 27, 2026, 08:56:02 PM

sending peace @Blueberry Pancakes

Blueberry Pancakes · June 28, 2026, 01:14:48 PM

Thank you, Everyone. You have been my friends and comrades for a few years now and made the most unthinkable conditions a bit easier to bear.

Liketheducks · June 29, 2026, 03:49:24 PM

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I've found that grief usually brings out the worst in people and in my family....makes the PD go off the rails for a bit. Stands to reason that someone with a difficulty handling their emotions, such as someone with various PDs, would find bigger emotions all the more difficult to navigate.

Take care of you.

I have a fear that when my parents pass, the only change will be that, instead of hearing their voices in person....I'll just have that parental voice in my head to contend with.

Hugs to you

Mermaidsdaughter78 · June 29, 2026, 05:27:48 PM

I completely understand. My entire life my relationship with my father has been painful. Now that he's gone it feels like there's been a sharp piece of glass in my shoe my entire life and I finally removed it and I'm walking painlessly for the first time ever.

Blueberry Pancakes · July 06, 2026, 09:49:54 AM

Thanks Duck and Mermaid. Peace to you both.

bloomie · July 07, 2026, 05:51:55 PM

Oh, Blueberry... when we have been grieving so much for so long the finality does bring a sense of relief and peace, I have found. I am imagining those final calls and all that transpired with your sibling and so grateful you have circumvented them contacting you.

walking on broken glass · July 09, 2026, 03:10:28 AM

I just read your post, Blueberry pancakes. I can't imagine how it must feel but I am sending you all my good wishes to get to a point where you feel you have sorted through the debris and are sitting peacefully in a tidy room, enjoying a nice cup of tea (maybe with blueberry pancakes!)
Well done for protecting yourself over your sister's abuse and manipulation. I hope this quiets down too.

Blueberry Pancakes · July 11, 2026, 10:05:34 AM

Thank you, Bloomie and Walking. It really is such a comfort just seeing such familiar screen names.

I have found moments of relief. I have been carving out a few moments on some mornings just after the sun has risen and everything is quiet. I go outside with a hot tea in my hands. I let my mind be still and appreciate nature. In those moments I do indeed feel like I am sitting in my own tidy space and not part of anyone else's disaster.

Restoring my peace and recovering from any impacts that might still be reverberating is my focus now. I noticed for the last year that I had a nagging pain in my side. It would tweak and twitch. Just a few weeks ago, I realized it was gone. Even with boundaries and limited contact, this stuff still got through to me on some level.

Even though one of my mother's lifelong friends and her adult daughter have strongly urged me, I am not seeking justice against my sister because it will just keep me entangled in this bad web. Most of the "systems" in place to report it to are not even equipped to address these injustices anyway. My parents created this mess, and my sister is carrying it on. I just am not doing it.

walking on broken glass · July 12, 2026, 05:33:10 AM

QuoteEven though one of my mother's lifelong friends and her adult daughter have strongly urged me, I am not seeking justice against my sister because it will just keep me entangled in this bad web. Most of the "systems" in place to report it to are not even equipped to address these injustices anyway. My parents created this mess, and my sister is carrying it on. I just am not doing it.

I would feel the same way, Blueberry pancakes. You want peace and sanity, and this will only come from disentangling yourself from your sister and the whole situation. Seeking justice will open another cycle and I am very doubtful that the legal route would give you the justice you deserve. I am also very conscious of the saying 'Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.' Sometimes letting go is winning.

JenniferSmith · July 15, 2026, 06:07:47 PM

Just wanted to say I feel for you during this time. Death is strange in how it impacts us, in ways we often never really can predict. A new chapter in your life has started. If your experience is anything like mine, you will be processing this for years to come. Not to say you will be debilitated or consumed by that... but it will bubble up in your mind as you slowly process and make sense of it all. Take good care of yourself as you go through this.

Blueberry Pancakes · July 16, 2026, 04:05:27 PM

Thank you, Walking and Jennifer.

A new chapter does seem to have started and I never predicted that. I think while it was all occurring and I had limited contact I was solely focused on crisis management or boundary enforcement. Since I no longer need that, I think I may be mulling over the dynamics because my mind is trying to find a logical end and I know there will not be one. I think maybe you (I) never "get over it". I think you just find an appropriate place to file it, let it rest there, and live with the awareness. It is a new turn in the journey.