Upcoming Court, Things are Different This Time (was in the wrong section, sorry)

[firepoetry]

Hi Everyone,

I've been navigating this for about 12 years now. Teen is 13. I filed a petition this past November because last year Nex had two CPS cases which disrupted our lives. The first time the caseworker quit with no follow up. The second time, the caseworker said that if I sent my teen to his house, then she would file a petition against both of us, him for not complying with allowing her to visit his home, and me for neglect by allowing her to go to his house when he failed to comply with CPS. I was in a no-win situation, and so, I contacted my previous lawyer, and here we are.

In addition to CPS cases (both which were unfounded), there has been a list of other issues. The toilet hasn't worked since last April? May? June? And, my teen comes home smelling bad, so she has a routine where she comes home, takes a shower, and I immediately do her laundry, including the clothes she wore to her dad's that morning. The Judge, almost immediately, cancelled all visitation except for three hours on Sunday. We have court coming up this week, and Nex was supposed to have completed a psych eval (with me as collateral), a substance abuse eval (with toxicologies) and a home study. Oh, there was also a period of time when he didn't have heat leading up to winter last year during the CPS visit, and the CPS worker told him that if he didn't clear a space on the floor and allow the gas company the ability to fix his gas, then it would be a founded case of neglect. He cleared the space.

Anyways, I think this going to be different this time, because he's already showed the court what I've seen for over a decade. He is out of touch. He has been doing all kinds of drugs which makes it so he can't hide his lack of functioning anymore. He can't get along with helpers, social workers, or even his own attorney who he threw under a bus. Immediately after our last court date, he wrote a letter and cc'ed everyone, and said that his lawyer messed something up as demonstrated in court (it was about starting the homestudy, which is very hard to do without a court order, which the Judge had just ordered that day), and he said that my lawyer is gaslighting me (she's not), and I think he put me down as collateral on his form, which I was already on there, and he could have listed anyone else who would advocate for him. Anyways, the message said that the Judge should vacate the temporary order because he was a good parent, basically. And, he talked about all his problems, how teen is doing really well, and all kinds of crazy stuff. It was after that that the Judge then filed explicit instructions to the homestudy eval person.

Anyways, I'm just a little nervous, because I get all PTSD'ed whenever there is a court date. But, yeah, it's different this time because the Judge is really listening. And, the GAL also is really nice and told my attorney that she was concerned about his ability to function even before the court date he showed up. He had showed up one other previous time and smelled really bad. He didn't have a lawyer at that point, so the GAL met with him in a small room for conferencing. I wasn't in that room, because my lawyer was, and she said the GAL definitely noticed the smell.

Oh, and I received some news today, and I'm not sure how to process. It seems as though Nex is going through health problems and they seem pretty serious.

That's my update for now.

Oh, and if anyone remembers my posts from years ago, the grandparents (dad's parents) no longer have visitation and haven't for several years, per my teen's choice, and supported by her former therapist.

[firepoetry]

Things are progressing. We had court, and nothing changed, because none of the reports were in yet. So, it is scheduled for next month, where the Judge referee will likely just confirm the status report of what needs to be completed, etc.

Teen is definitely going through some tough feelings. I'm trying to be here, but also not involve her in court stuff. But she brings it up, because the other narc parent talks about it with her.

Also, Nex filed a petition against me for sole custody in retaliation. Since it is just the referee reviewing it, it doesn't look like they are going to take it seriously. Which, what Judge would when he struggles to have a working toilet, heat, and then fires all his helpers and doesn't do proper therapy. He just fired his therapist, btw, after he did the mental health eval. That isn't going to look good for him.

So, that's the update for now.

[hhaw]

firepoetry:

And this is the cadence of family court, with children stuck in the middle, isn't it?

I'm so sorry the struggle goes on and on. 

I hope you're working with a therapist to gain emotional distance, rise above the struggle and find your center. 

Getting dragged down our children's emotional rabbit holes, with them, means we're reactive too.  It's so much better if we resist, and remain responsive and able to respond, to our children. and situations, IME. Restoring choice, and better outcomes is so much better, IME.

One more thing....do what you can, regarding the legals, then put the story on the shelf. It's not easy, but it's important to turn towards your child, look her in the eye, and be completely present with her.

Sometimes pretending it's the last day you'll have on earth, helps dial in priorities, IME. 

This too shall pass l.