A simple intro

[iamashadowofmyself]

44M here, ENFP/Type5, and one with secure attachment.

I am going through a divorce of a 9 year old marriage which was extremely rocky with a partner (47F) who confirmed to have Fearful avoidant attachment style, and comes from family where a few members have depression and bipolar. While I believe that we were good people, and had everything we needed for a good, happy, healthy life.. her past trauma took over everything or took away everything. I was confused, clueless about how a human can even function in such uniquely different personalities and over the year, learning about attachment style and about BPD helped a lot. Well it explained things, didnt make life any easier and left me with this gnawing thought, does she really have BPD? Who am I to label her with that, what is if its my bias and so on...

Despite all that, I am fairly confident and things turned so horrible over the years that I filed for divorce and going through it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and yet there are some concerns, question.. especially to think about our 5 year old and his life ahead with two individually loving parents. That brought me here to this forum.

[bloomie]

iamashadowofmyself - welcome to Out of the FOG. The decisions you have had to make based on traits and behaviors that are consistent over time and not workable are as hard has it gets. My heart goes out to you as I can see the concern and compassion you have for your child going forward.

I am thankful you found us! Settle in and when you are ready, join the conversations taking place on the forum boards!

[iamashadowofmyself]

Thank you for the welcome. Last couple of months have been very informative once I found the whole world of BPD and material on it. A year ago, it felt similar when she told me that she had disorganized attachment style and that started a journey. I just was reading the wiki article posted on reddit that points to Out of the FOG article and I was blown to realize that my wife did fit almost 90% of those traits, or even more.

It is what it is, and much water has flown under the bridge. My take away is to be mindful going forward with kid's life ahead of him.