Moved out finally

[BeebeLovesMochi]

👋 I haven't posted in a while. I first learned of BPD and found this website one year ago. I was distraught and frustrated and depressed over the relationship with my husband. Together 12 years now. His overreactions to minor things - in my opinion - and his turning negative on me and mean and accusatory regularly - out of the blue. Now I know it was splitting. I was losing myself and finally realized it was reaching the point where the bad definitely outweighed the good. I read several books I found including "stop caretaking the Borderline...." And I found almost the entire book - the parts regarding BPD - resonating with me.

It took me a year from that point. I didn't want to give up on him or our life together. No kids but shared pets and finances. But I started feeling like I was in fight or flight way too often and I knew it would be detrimental to my health to stay. I got an apartment and finally told him. He begged me to stay and also was angry and also promised to change. I do not believe it for a second. He's 64. He told me his first wife left him over 30 years ago due to his outbursts.

I now have peace. I feel sad sometimes but the peace and relief outweighs it by far. I mourn the man I wished he could be. The man he is - but there is another man in him too. A man I cannot live with or be married to. I'm 55 and out on my own again. I wrote a list of reasons and taped it to my fridge to remind me why I left when I need it. Also, the poem, "the journey" by Mary Oliver is powerful and inspiring to me.

I deserve better. And I will get through this. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼💗💗💗. Have done all of this for me. And my survival. Peace to anyone reading this.

[xredshoesx]

((((beebe))) gentle hugs today on this huge step.  when you feel weak check in here, check your list when you need to and take a deep breath.  you don't owe him an immediate response for anything, and you are in your own space where you can get some peace.   

It was only after I broke up with my ex that I started putting the pieces together between my childhood abuse and the choices I was making in my adult life.  connecting the dots gave me a new lease on my life.  i'm 19 years out this year-NC for 30+ years and living my best life.  living well is indeed the best revenge <3

[Rebel13]

This is such a wonderful update. I'm so glad you have made a safe and peaceful space for yourself. Also thank you for sharing, because there are a number of people on this board struggling with similar situations and decisions right now, and your post is a lovely example of what taking care of oneself can look like.

[BeebeLovesMochi]

Thank you both for responding to my post. How calm and serene I feel just from reading your words. 🙏🏼💝

[1footouttadefog]

Glad to read that you are on the other side of this huge decision with clarity. 

Having clarity is awesome when making such a large transition.  Your list is a great idea for maintaining it.  I recommend you write down some examples in a journal also.  This way you can keep the small details as time goes on.  They might help at a time of doubt or to remind you of what not to allow of you encounter another such person in your life. 

[NotAhNewt]

So happy for you to have been able to get away. I'm going through a very very similar situation with added delusions. He's accused me of so many things and nit picks everything I say. Our fights are interrogations rather than discussions. Because he is always the victim he gets to be judge, jury, and executioner for every argument, but that's not how arguments should work. That's not how "being victimized" works. I don't know why he always obsesses over proclaiming himself to he the victim all the time, but in retrospect it's probably to hold the power and control in our relationship.

I hope to get to where you are soon. I'm struggling with guilt and too afraid to address him directly on this because of the emotional and verbal abuse. Congratulations for getting away, you deserve better!