Mysogyny and cruelty

[hhaw]

For years, my younger brother has been condescending to me....esp over shared property decisions like grading, planting grass, maintenance, dealing with the army corps of engineers, consequences of grading and taking down trees on corps property, etc.  Basically, I'd ask about water run off damage mitigation.... he'd get snarky, say he's all knowing, I'm a dumb girl, and condemn my asking for discussion.  I'd shut down, and let it go...nothing solved.  More problems created. 

Or....more recently, I ask about landscaping, and he'd sneer at me....first he has to take down the corp property trees, grade and plant tons of grass to "create a park."

I said the natural woods was attractive, zero maintenance, and zero trouble with the corps.... was dismissed, and assured I knew nothing, and needed to pipe down.

Now, brother admits I was right, and my sister, bil and I are left watering 60 year old 15' tall trees my brother was forced to replant in corps property....we also lost our dock for 5;years, are in a drought, lake too low to pump water for watering the trees...our well is running dry.

And.....my brother's been "caring for" the grounds/grass for 40 years.  It's always looked like what it is....a mess.  It was never going to be a "park", by tripling the amount of grass to mow.  Ever.

That said ....instead of apologizing for creating this situation, he's very angry at the corps and talks about our property looking terrible....like it's the corps fault.  My sister and I had to spend hours in meetings with the corps, during a family reunion, bc the corps hates our brother so much....mitigation was required. Listening to brother spew venom is upsetting and difficult to absorb, frankly.

That said ...we were raised by a misogynistic father/culture, so brother being that... is understandable.

The thing is.... he's now been insisting I come'round to his newly (relatively) White Christian Nationalist MAGA beliefs, sans room to not know everything. He wasn't religious till he was MAGA invested. He's unfaithful to every partner he's ever had, btw....calls gay and trans individuals "a clown show." Very cool with ICE, detention centers, and all the involved violence.

He insists I agree white men are superior, built everything in the world unaided, and that I prepare to fight Muslims.....bc I'll be forced into a burka, along with my daughters otherwise. I remind him of the domestic violence women already endure....and am dismissed as brain washed.  After all, how could I possibly know anything about the experience of being a woman in the USA?  Stupid stupid girl, bel being the propaganda and lies of the left.@@

So....support the current patriarchy,  and the stripping of women's/minorities rights, safety and freedom by his group, or else. And there's a threat...underlying the Muslim threat, I can't put my finger on.

And he'll say I'm the toughest member of our family....very smart ...just before assuring me he'd scrape me off, if I wasn't his sister, while proclaiming I'm (liberal single women) the "biggest threat to our democracy."
He's willing to spend time educating me....
....yelling....
disrespectful name calling ....
he's willing to take the time, bc he "loves me." Normally, he'd drop me like a hot potato.

It reminds me of dealing with dangerous PDs in the justice system.  They make unfounded accusations, I disprove them, while they go on spitting lies and making threats, sans accountability. Zero accountability seems to be the recurring theme, IME.

And the mindless cruelty....one of my daughters has engaged her uncle in debate, attempting to inform him with facts. only to be patted on the head and assured she'd " understand when she was older ". THAT was my brother's best argument, bc he's simply repeating stupid things he hears in the echo chamber if his social media channels. He can't explain any of it. Asks zero questions, bc he isn't curious about other arguments, or stances.

It's maddening....bc I remember him as a child, 3 years my junior....and I understand how he got this way.  I don't want to write him off, but he's cruel with his words, has added 5 years to the sale of our joint property bc of the corps issue, and left others to deal with the hardship of maintaining the replanted trees, which is required to get our dock, and trail to the lake, back.

I imagine going NC with him would trigger 5 years of PD legal battles, squandering all the resources and accumulated value we've inherited.

I can't go through more expensive legal battles, disproving negatives while the attorneys get fat, and...
and there continues to be zero accountability, IME. Well.... let's say I'd rather not go through it.

What I'm saying is....I think my physical health is in jeopardy IF I have to continue caretaking, handling, and regulating men's emotions, bc their anger, and threat is large in my life, and my daughter's.

We have to worry about being killed, stalked, or dragged into frivolous law suits for saying NO or otherwise displeasing men.....and then get labeled "unstable" for having TROs, years of legal struggles, dv histories, and creepy neighbors/ contractors/extended family stalking us.

WE....
are the "problem."

WE need to "figure out what we're doing wrong, and stop it."

My brother's son tried to SA my youngest DD when she was black out drunk , under 18yo AND he tried to get my niece and her bf to assist him, bc he didn't register SA if an underaged cousin as WRONG!!!

My brother has gone confused and stupid over this discussion.  He's not sure if his son was drunk (he wasn't) and brother gets upset if he has to hear about our grandfather molesting girl cousins.....or have to hear about our Cousin's STBX MAGA white Christian alcoholic husband molesting their DD.....my brother gets upset, bc he "didn't want to have to think about that." Bc brother has the NAGA connection with that stbx, he sees the cousin's as "strangers" and the sexual pedophile deviant Christian alcoholic as "family." But it's"all alcohol." Sure, brother. Keep telling yourself that.

It's certainly not that men should be accountable, or trained to not be sexual predators....women need to figure out....
what they're doing wrong.....
that's the ticket.
Wow...the sarcasm is what it is right now. No helping it.

My T urged me to go NC with my brother....for years.

I think I have enough distance on this....to recognize my own ask- holery behavior....which is real and huge and something I plainly recognize in others....identify as self destructive, in others.

So....wow, this got long.....my brother rushed a South American/US citizen woman into an engagement with an October wedding target....and has asked me for help with locating a venue (which have been booked out for a year.)

The sound of this once joyful woman, struggling to plan a fancy wedding with zero chances of procuring a lovely venue....is repellent to me.  She wants to please my brother, who stupidly set this arbitrary quagmire marriage date, for her to solve.  He rushed his first marriage, too. 

And he's asked, and received help from me and my sister....then spat denial in our faces, claiming he "never asked," when clearly he did, and we worked for free, like slaves....trying to please him.

So... there's the shame of trying to keep peace, while brother splashes in self created puddles if chaos and interpersonal terrorism.  He's gone NC with us before ...it was over the drunk stbx maga pervert during COVID, when we needed them to get tested before visiting for Christmas....they didn't come, and turned out to have COVID btw, which is why their own family wouldn't see them in their State over the holiday.

All the men thought that was crazy, to allow women and girl children, at the time, to refuse to host them, bc of fear over COVID. Silly girls, believing they have the right to feel safe.

My brother refused to be in proximity to sister and I, until his MAGA buddies wanted us to stay for their hunting retreat....then brother broke NC and asked us to stay.

Sister and I would have rather eaten a bug than cook, clean, organize and entertain those troops so nopity nope nope nope, not happening to us.  We'd just organized and cleaned for their visit, during ongoing renovations brother was sabotaging....my God. What nerve!!!

We normalize mysogyny, and grind away protecting it.....as it eats us alive. 

The cognitive disodance is scalding....I feel it boiling under the top of my skull....all that pressure.....till my ability to engage in performative male ego soothing......is completely evaporated, I guess?  I recently barked "F U" to a creepy neighbor who  made me feel unsafe.  I'm not sure how long till all pretense is gone.

Then it's back to riots in the FOO.... chaos.... open interpersonal terrorism, and all the bs of dissolving linked ownership of property....btw...men mowing grass is worth something, while caring for children and our handicapped father has no value....of course....seems obvious to the men in the family.

And....my sister would vote MAGA, still, if she figured out how to vote by mail, which MAGA wants to crush.

She and my brother have decided to end pregnancies, in their own lives,  and they'd vote to stop others from exercising free choice.  I wouldn't choose to end a healthy pregnancy (not bc of religion, just my personal CHOICE), but will fight like a tiger to preserve women's right to reproductive health care....
the hypocrisy is SCALDING, people.

And I'm feeling quite scalded.  Peeled back, exposed, attacked, and under threat I can no longer ignore. 

R Pedophiles get 6 months jail time, while "Antifa" protestors get 30 years prison sentences...while also labeled terrorists....along with educated, single, liberal women losing bodily autonomy, and maybe the right to vote, access birth control, and.....
I was gonna say not be married off as children, but that's still legal in many States.

There's laws against marrying children, bc men want to marry children.

God help us if no fault divorce is removed.

The hypocrisy is SCALDING!!!!

And dangerous.

And I want to sell everything and move to a female run country with my daughters....but.... we're living with the wars, economy, and transfer of all wealth to the top 1% we voted for, so.....

All this winning has me feeling like I'm living in an emotional burn unit.

Anybody do the math on the US department of education removing female dominated professions like teaching, nursing, social work, from it's official list of "professional" degrees..limiting Federal student loan access .....and women's ability to access the work force.....be self reliant.....?





People are messy.
People are risky....some survivable. Some not.
Some survivers.....others not.

That most offenders were, likely, victimized, at some point, created cognitive disodance, I'm just getting a handle on.....when outside acute circumstances.

I GET it, immediately, and without doubt, hesitation, or guilt....when safety is at risk....esp that of children and the vulnerable.

Im coming out of the cultural fog of mysogyny, and DIM thinking (denial, ignorance and minimization) of others and my own.....
disgusted over who's deemed worthy of fair employment....
government entitlements....
abusive treatment...
slavery....
predation of every sort....
any/real/fresh food....
clean air/water.....
and I'm consistently shocked at the black and white thinking around starving and trafficked people/those living in systemic and intentional poverty....as the way it is.

Sure, it's "normal" in broken systems set up to extract at the expense of a safe, child centered society, where no one's a second, third or trafficked class of people.

::jumping off soapbox::.

:thinking::.

At least my MAGA uncle asked good questions, and was shocked to hear my beliefs aren't those he's been brain washed to believe.

At least the MAGA business owner, employing many undocumented persons, admitted he was lied to when promised "only the really bad criminals" would be detained, and deported.  Now, he lives in fear for himself, for his workers, and their families....oh, there's tearful regret and terror. I asked him what he'd do, when his vote for the MAGA agenda, turned against his hard working, law abiding crew.

He was certain that would never come to pass.  Certain his life would remain untouched, while "the others" were rounded up, put in detention facilities and....

Welcome to the party pal.

[NarcKiddo]

I feel your pain.

My own FOO is deeply and openly misogynistic, even my mother. In fact she is the worst. They are also ignorant and cruel. They are intelligent but that seems only to blinker them even more to their narrow-mindedness.

It's grim.

[walking on broken glass]

Hhaw, I would stay far far away from these people. Their misogyny and pure hatred is dangerous, and is supported and normalized by the MAGA ideology. It doesn't sound like you can reason with your brother, he is far gone. Protect yourself and your loved ones.