Big family fight!!

[Juju]

So my partner and I looked after my sons dog while he and his family were holidays for 2 weeks, his dog is very skinny and you can see his ribs but according to my son they just had him to the vet and he is perfectly healthy. So 2 weeks later when they came home he came to pick him up his dog with his 6 year son, he went nuts when my partner told him his dog was malnourished. He stormed out calling my partner a effing a hole and then a piece of s--t, then looked at me and said well you really picked a winner.  Well he then proceeded to tell my older son about the incident and that he would not show up to any events where my partner would be, my older son agreed with him and told him about an incident that happened 4 years ago between his father in law and my partner.  Told me that he doesn't respect my partner and has always taken his father in laws side.  OMG my partner doesn't want to see them again either .... I have to say that he has been good to them and their kids but my son knows that my partner never goes anywhere with me and feels like I'm wasting my life with him but when I was single my boys never helped me anyway so I don't know what he's worried about.
So here I am in the middle of this stupid thing and it really upsets me to the point where I feel cool toward my partner and disappointed and upset with my grown children.
My partner has a way of saying things and setting people off but I feel he didn't deserve being told off so severely by my son and course my partner won't have him in the house now.  Also my son hasn't talked to me since. Should I just give it time or should I confront him??

[1footouttadefog]

Ouch, this is truly awful. Nothing worse than pick sides types of conflict.

I can see where both sides could be super triggered by this being that it's a pet.

If your partner perceives that the dog is malnourished it was probably bothersome for him to be around the dog for two weeks and to dwell on it, and why the dog is not cared for better. 

If your son thinks he is correct that the dog is healthy, and his vet backs him, it would feel very hurtful for another person to be accusing him of starving his own pet. The insult carries over to his wife and kid. It's an attack on all of them. 

You mentioned that he had explained that the dog had been to the vet so this seems to have come up when the dog was dropped off or while your son was gone.  What were those conversations like?

This goes beyond your dog is too skinny, because there is an implied harm to the animal, and therefore a built in accusation. 

I have a little dog whose ribs show slightly when she is at her ideal weight. She is small but has a rather large rib cage proportionately.  She is a Chihuahua Doxie mix.  Her back and neck are risk due to her breeds' traits, and extra weight would add to the risk factors. Her really short hair adds to the lean look. I would be aggravated if I was accused of starving her.

You mentioned that your partner "has a way" of saying things. Both of your sons have had issues with him. Does he tend to not get along with others.  Is this part of why he does not go out?

It's not uncommon for PD people to store the pot with the Nons friends and family to keep them isolated or because the are simply jealous of the Non having working relationships with family and friends, and possibly see it all as attention they deserve to have spent on them. 

Is your partner right? Perhaps look at pictures and specs for that breed. Harder of its just a mutt. It seems the overhead view is the best way to tell looking at the curves between rib cage and hips.

It would be awful for you to become nc with your kids over this. No easy answers here
  I hope peace can return to your relationships with your sons.  I would be a bit upset with all of them also. 

   

[Juju]

the dog is a mini dack, you could see the spine and the ribs I believed he was not fed enough but I was going to say gently to my son on the way out the door that they give him a little more food but my partner came in the room and after witnessing my son get mad at the dog for yelping he said "you know he is malnourished this set my son off into over exaggerated reaction.  Everything was fine till my partner came in the room, he is always irritated at my son for his inconsideration of me and my son is alway annoyed at my partner for all his issues!  So I'm in the middle I want to support my partner as he thinks he did nothing wrong and I also feel that son could have controlled himself and not been so foul in front of his 7 year son and myself.  What should I do, sometime I think life would be easier without my partner but I've done that too and it is so lonely!