Abusive Adult Son

[Regina Crehan]

My son is 37 years old, lives in another city, got married last year, and is expecting a baby in Dec.
While there were a lot of problems between his father and I  alcohol, fighting, cocaine use, I was the breadwinner, and he spared nothing from private schools, sports, camps, ...I paid for his education. His father and I separated in 2008, and his father lost jobs and such. He got sick with cancer and died in 2015. I took him in and took care of him for the two years before.
My son lived with me until he got a good job. Today, he makes a great deal of money in the corporate world and will advance.
He has always had an attitude towards me, but around his father's death he has become increasingly belligerent, verbally abusive, screams at me, traps me in aggression, demeans me, etc. to the point now where it takes me weeks to recover from these situations. I am in therapy and my therapist has suggested he has a PDO. I need counseling and community on how to deal with this. I am a senior citizen and on a tight budget, which he is aware of but he tells me I live way over my means, even though I moved to a cheaper apt in another state....How do I start to protect myself and encourage recovery? I can't imagine that it's just a matter of time before he turns on his new wife.

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the group

I am sorry that the relationship with your son has brought you here.  I think you are doing what you can to get help for how this treatment has hurt you and distancing yourself physically from the situation, and I think you are rightfully concerned about what may happen next with your DIL and in turn, the baby.

I think the hardest thing for a parent to do is know that you did everything in your power to raise a good human and then your adult child makes other decisions.

we do have an active community of parents of adult children who may have personality disorders-
Parents' Discussion

when you are ready to share more, we're listening.

until then, please be gentle with yourself and know that nothing you did or didn't do caused this to happen.  you can't control his actions and you can't cure him with your mother's love.  what you can do is control how *you* respond to how he treats you and that's what your T and this site can support you on.