Getting pulled in ILs own issues - how to say no politely

[Kapalin]

Hello all,
Background: I am new here and recently posted about the roller coaster of being with PD mom of BF. Grateful that my partner kept me away from family drama till now. However, he is traveling for work (4months) and I am in direct contact with old mom and a sister of my age. BF and I dont live together but have been partners for 9 years. We are good with each other.

Sis and Mom have not spoken to each other in 3 years. Mom reached out to sis last week since her son (my bf) is traveling, and mom wants to travel too. She is super insecure of letting me manage their house like my BF had asked her to do, if she had to travel. She made up with her estranged daughter because of me (its funny, kinda). Anyway, so sis came to house-sit an empty house with cleaning service. Her mom lied that she needs to go for 2-3 days only. Now, mom reached her destination and is saying that she will be out for 3 weeks. Sis is going nuts about mom's deception.

Sis called me to talk about it, since I am her local support for anything she needs. Complained and ranted about her mom for 30 mins - how she always does this, she manipulated he into coming, how her son was always the golden child. I want to be available to help with logistics and be friendly, but I know that if I get into their family communication issues or drama, then it will absolutely backfire on me eventually. Basically, BF wants to talk to only me. Mom doesn't like me but I keep updating her on BF's status. Sis came to patch up with mom as asked by mom, but mom went away leaving a house to her. Sis is livid right now and sharing with me.

Have you ever been in similar situation?
How did you handle it?
How can I create a boundary here, without being rude / or becoming a family scapegoat later?

Many thanks! Happy Friday.

[Tribe16]

1. Empathize without agreement to anything.
2. Agree to yourself that you will not be triangulated into becoming an intermediary (this goes for BF too!)
3. Set a time limit on how much venting you can withstand. At the 10 minute mark (or whatever time you decide), it's "Sorry, I've got to run I've got an appointment/a repair guy is coming/someone at the door - and kindly end the call.

If they push back, you'll have to be firm early on - "This sounds so hard, but this is really between you and ____ and has nothing to do with me. I am not able to help you with this. I'd appreciate you not asking me to do this again."

And then if they think you are horrible for setting that boundary, that is a them problem, not a you problem.

Good luck!

[1footouttadefog]

Yes stay out of there inter family drama. 

Seems you and the BF have boundaries of your own with living separately and all.  It's worked for 9 years.  Don't let his family mess this up.  They will still be his family when he returns and he can manage them and the fallout of what they do while he is away. 

Not your circus .....

Don't transmit any info between them. 

It's very telling that when. BF is not there to give her attention, she decided the other kid is worth being contact with.  The PDs need their supply don't they.