Aging parents manipulated by toxic sis—how to balance boundaries vs their health

[HadEnough]

Hi everyone, new here . I'm the middle of three sisters (50s); our parents are in their 80s.

My sister ("ToxS") uses severe narcissistic coping mechanisms (gaslighting/scapegoating). Years ago, my husband ("H"), my other sister ("NonToxS"), and I set firm boundaries. To protect our elderly parents, we kept them out of the drama.
This backfired. Because they only hear ToxS's side, our parents have become enablers. They now hold false memories painting ToxS as the victim, and believe we are the problem .

Our parents have stress-related health issues and just want us to "get along." I am caught in a double-bind:

    • Give in: Spend time with ToxS to please my parents, which will only create more drama and stress for them.

    • Hold boundaries: Keep our distance, which is breaking their hearts.

I'm experienced with PD abuse (my H's family are riddled with it & we had to go NC), but watching my own parents be manipulated is a different kind of grief.

How do I find a healthy balance here?

[1footouttadefog]

That is hard especially with the parents being so old and vulnerable.

Maybe interact with the ToxS when it will also be of benefit to your parents and make those interactions time limited and not boxed in

Example, picking your parents up to meet out for dinner at a medium priced  okay-ish  eatery where everyone can find something. Arrive in separate cars have something you need to get back home to or to get to bed for etc.