Devestated

[Zoots]

We are parents to a 34 year old son living in another state feeling helpless. He has BPD recently diagnosed. In the past week he has tried to take his life. Both extremely close to success. We were able to get police to come put him in a physc hold for 72 hours. Now he's is so sad that it didn't work.
He moved there because he thought he would die here. He had gone through rehab before leaving. He got a job and was sober 6 months but flew back here for the funeral of a dear childhood friend. That morning the girlfriend that was to move out to his new life broke up with him. He spiraled and the above happened.
We are so sad, at our wits end and unable to help from far away although he doesn't want it.
Thoughts?
Has anyone gone through this?

[Associate of Daniel]

I'm so sorry, Zoots.  You must be feeling so helpless.

I don't have any advice, other than perhaps you could see a counsellor to help you with processing the situation.  Just know that you have support here.  Post as often as you need.

AOD

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the group @Zoots

what if I told you there was nothing you did or didn't do that made your adult child make these choices?  none of us here- can cure our PD/ uPD loved ones, we can't control them and we didn't cause the issues that brought the diagnosis.  all we can do is choose how we respond/ react to their decisions.

I echo what AOD has suggested for seeking out the extra support right now- as a child of addicts , I had court ordered support/ therapy to help me process how my mother's addiction affected my childhood as part of the family reunification process when my biological mother regained custody of me.  is there something that the organization that helped your child w/ rehab can recommend to support you and your DH?

my heart aches for you tonight.  all you can really do is take it day by day, minute by minute when a loved one is in the throes of a suicidal episode (and it sounds like this is ongoing for your child)

[Zoots]

Thank you both for your response.
We are just relived at this point today that it's not the 3rd Sunday hearing that he is attempting.
As much as you can verbalize it is out of our hands and not our fault its hard to live it.

[BreatheDeep]

Zoots, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I know from experience that it can be absolute torture when a child of ours is suffering, especially when we feel like we can't do anything to ease their pain. You must be climbing the walls. I know I would be!

You know, you might not be there **with** your son, but you're there **for** him, and that means a lot. Your thoughts and prayers and - I'm willing to bet - every cell of your body is going out to him. Surely, in his heart, he knows that.

I hope you're able to get some sleep, so you at least get a little break from the emotional turmoil. It might help to remind yourself through out the day that, no matter how bleak the situation might seem, things can and probably will work out for the best.

Sending you comfort and strength, whichever you happen to need at the time.

[Adria]

Dear Zoots,

I am so sorry. No parent should have to endure something like this.

We are going through pretty much the same thing right now.

Son has severe mental illness, refuses any meds, got a plane ticket and flew out to Las Vegas, across the country from where we are and he lived.  No money, clothes on his back, homeless, begging for food. He has no address, so we can't send him anything to help.

Goes in and out of his mind all the time. No ability to reason anymore.

It is the most helpless feeling in the whole world. We have no idea where he is for sure. Afraid of people talking him into drugs, or who knows what at this stage.

We are completely exhausted by his erratic behavior. Most of our worst fears have come true at this point. I just keep praying that God will take care of him, because it seems there is nothing we can do anymore.

Hang in there. Keep the faith. One day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time.  Dh and I are scared a lot, not knowing what the future holds. I think when things are so far out of our control, and even when we don't understand the why of things, we have to remember that God is sovereign over all, and he loves our children too. That's about all I got, because these mental illness situations are some of the toughest things a parent can go through. Most diseases, you either get better, or worse. Mental illness just keeps going and going.

Be patient and kind to yourself, and try to find joy in the little things. I pray things will turn around for you.

I wish you all the best. Take care. Hugs, Adria