Reboot

  • 10 Replies
  • 1420 Views
*

maybeimthecrazyone

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • 59
Reboot
« on: July 14, 2018, 06:00:26 PM »
I will be attempting to enter graduate school soon. Pre-requisites have been relatively easy to pass with good marks, however the hurdles to even qualify to apply for the graduate degree is challenging. The recent separation makes it even more difficult as I am distracted by the ruminations surrounding the end of our 7 year rollercoaster ride.

I have to move to a new city where the school is. That's goal #1.
Pass the GRE, pass the last few pre-reqs at the new school, complete volunteer hours need to be accomplished by the end of application date this winter.

We shall see. If all goes perfect, I'll be accepted for the program mid year and graduate late 2021. That's if everything goes perfect.

I'm open to the possibility things will not go as planned, and there will be a lull before I can start the program.

I've recently purchased a book that mentioned MBSR, Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction. It is essentially meditation for stress relief. I've found a free 8 week  (no strings attached amazingly, well created) program online which Id like to integrate into my life. Being single in a new city, I'll have alot of free time outside of school. I feel like I need it moreso due to the constant post separation malaise.

Also, the recent fighting has knocked me off my exercise and healthy eating routine. I'd like to get back in the fold. It's only been a couple weeks of neglect. If I continue to neglect myself, it'll take much longer to heal.

Id like to write more. There are things that need to be put out into the Universe. The new city I am to move to has a writers meetup. We'll see.

I feel like I used to be such a happy, creative, funny guy before poop hit the fan. I'd like to find that guy again.


*

Sun

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • 80
Re: Reboot
« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2018, 02:54:38 PM »
I like the sound of your plan :-)  It sounds comfortably ambitious.  Seems you have a bit of self care in place too.  I wish you all the best and would love you to keep us updated.  (I don't think this board gets a lot of traffic)

*

practical

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 7028
Re: Reboot
« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2018, 12:00:40 PM »
It sounds like you have reflected on where you want to go and also on how to find parts of you again that were lost during your relationship as well as enriching your life with new things. You might be in a better place than you realize, as this shows a level of groundedness and good self-care. Wishing you all the best! :cheer:
If Im not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Im only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when? (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)

*

maybeimthecrazyone

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • 59
Re: Reboot
« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2018, 01:18:48 PM »
I may be talking a good game, but I fear it can all come crashing down at any time. I feel pangs of despair and hopelessness.  Lots of anger. Sadness pushed aside. Things should resolve and I should be well on my new path in less than 30 days but it feels like slogging thru a tar pit.

Thank you for the encouragement. It feels good to be heard and validated.

*

practical

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 7028
Re: Reboot
« Reply #4 on: July 16, 2018, 02:40:36 PM »
The key is, despite feeling like you are moving through a tar pit, you are moving, you are making the effort, instead of standing still and possibly going under. The feelings of despair, hopelessness, anger, sadness, they are in a way healthy as a reaction of what you went through. You are seeing them, feeling them and dealing with them as you can, as your strength allows you, and meanwhile you are also trying to create a new future for yourself. Really, hat up to you! It isn't just about "talking a good game", you are doing it, babysteps can be huge steps too.
If Im not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Im only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when? (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)

*

maybeimthecrazyone

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • 59
Re: Reboot
« Reply #5 on: November 20, 2019, 04:18:25 PM »
I have been accepted to graduate school.

*

SparkStillLit

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 412
Re: Reboot
« Reply #6 on: November 24, 2019, 12:53:16 PM »
CONGRATS!!!!

*

Whatthehey

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 182
Re: Reboot
« Reply #7 on: November 24, 2019, 01:34:46 PM »
Congratulations maybeimthecrazyone!   That is incredible news and very uplifting for myself and all of us!

I am impressed with your plan.  You have put together a thoughtful and thorough plan.  Despite the fear and anxiety, you are moving.  Impressive.

*

capybara

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 193
Re: Reboot
« Reply #8 on: November 27, 2019, 06:57:02 PM »
Maybe, congrats!!! Good for you!

Practical, what you wrote is so true and brought tears to my eyes. Even if i spend a day dealing with my breakup and my feelings, at least i'm moving me forward and not just coping with BPDH's emotions.

*

1footouttadefog

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 2421
Re: Reboot
« Reply #9 on: December 09, 2019, 12:27:32 PM »
Sounds like a wonderful way to transition from one chapter to another. 

Almost like you will be in a protected coccoon while immersing yourself in the world of academia only to later reemerge. 

I hope you enjoy your new location and the social interactions at the University.  There are so many safe opportunities to be around others and enjoy their company when attending a University.  Safe in that they can be fascinating and stimulating without the stresses found in work place or when dating. 

I hope you find just the right place to live with healthy markets and food options surrounding you. 

I hope you find your self immersed in positive learning experienced and social interactions and find no room for rumminations.
« Last Edit: December 09, 2019, 12:29:11 PM by 1footouttadefog »

*

maybeimthecrazyone

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • 59
Re: Reboot
« Reply #10 on: January 26, 2020, 05:00:16 PM »
It's been about 1.5 years and I've been content with single life and the peace that no contact brings. While still only sprouting from ground zero, a cautious yearning to be in a love relationship has finally returned - hope that I can still achieve a loving, healthy relationship. Maybe even kids one day.  Even some sappy Pop 40 songs are speaking to me!

Thanks for the encouraging words. Peace.