What does God do with emotionally abusive people in the afterlife?

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gettingstronger1

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My emotionally abusive mother died five years ago.  Before she died she never apologized or expressed any remorse regarding her abusive behavior towards me.  In other words, things were never made right here on earth.  My husband and I are now going through the same thing with his abusive mother.  His mom refuses to apologize and she is currently engaging in a smear campaign against us that is effectively throwing us out of the family by turning his siblings against us.  His sister called me two days after my back surgery and screamed at me on the phone.

I am just astounded at people's lack of conscience or remorse for doing things that are obviously abusive.  Both of these situations will never be fixed here on earth.  They will get away with their abusive behavior.  I realize there is nothing I can do to stop a smear campaign.  People will believe the abusers lies.  So I wonder is there any kind of justice or is this ever made right by God in the after life?  I don't want anyone to go to hell.  But does God fix this somehow in the afterlife?  Does God make the abuser face their abusive ways?  Is there some type of purgatory where the abuser has to atone for their sins and all the people they hurt? I feel really confused about where my mother is.  She is not bad enough for hell, but I can't imagine her in heaven with God when she has such a cruel streak in her. Mom seemed to take pleasure in hurting me.  I have a hard time believing someone like that it in heaven.  I guess it bothers me a great deal, that I have no idea where my mom is now that she has passed on. Does God provide any justice for me in the afterlife?  Any of your thoughts and wisdom would be appreciated.  Thanks

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hhaw

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Re: What does God do with emotionally abusive people in the afterlife?
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2019, 03:47:16 AM »
Energy can't be destroyed or created.  When we die our energy goes somewhere.  I believe we reap what we sew, and our energy is what it is when we die.  If we're tormenting others, creating pain and chaos.... death will hold those things for us.  If we're cultivating serenity, do good deeds, and wish better things for humanity.... we reap those things, IMO.   

You don't have to worry about karma not catching up to people, bc karma catches up with us all, IME. 

My martial arts instructor would tell you not to suffer twice if you have to suffer at all.  He'd talk about radical acceptance, and not worrying over things you can't change.  He'd want to sit you down and teach you to breathe and meditate.   He tried to help me with that 15 years ago, but he failed.  I wish I was calm enough to listen,  but I wasn't. 

I hope you can find a way to calm yourself, embrace radical self-compassion, drop all judgment and get super curious about your inner world.... and tend to it.  Like a mother tending her child.  You're whole, and deserving, and fine just as you are.  The MIL injustice is what it is, and you have no control over it so do everything you can, then put it down and take care of your present moments.  Don't let your MIL's bad behavior rob you of your joy.

There's pleasure and peace in midnfully paying attention to our day, and moments. Noticing what we're thinking and doing, without judgment, and staying very curious about it.   

What energy do you want to take into the afterlife with you?

Food for thought,  IMO.
hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Nietchzsche

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt

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puellareginae

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Re: What does God do with emotionally abusive people in the afterlife?
« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2019, 11:04:30 PM »
As a Catholic, I believe in Purgatory. According to Church teaching, everyone who doesn't die in mortal sin (i.e. unrepentant flouting of God's law), but doesn't die in a state of grace (say, right after Baptism or Confession), has to go through purgation before they are worthy to enter Heaven. You have to be perfectly in a state of grace to stand before the living God, who is eternally perfect.

That said, it sounds as though these people are unrepentant in their sin, and wish to harm you. That's active malice, not just venial sin like "I forgot to say my prayers because I was busy with chores." I would hope that, when they came face to face with their sin after death, they would repent. But, in cases like this, I keep thinking of the rich man and Lazarus the beggar. The rich man saw Lazarus every day and actively ignored him in life. But then in death, thought he could make God order Lazarus who was in Heaven to relieve his torment in Hell. Some people just refuse to be good people - they reject the loving God and His commands for us to love and take care of each other. And, for those people...well, they will get their reward.

I don't wish to say that to upset you. I pray that the people who have harmed my family and me will repent and be able to enter heaven. But we can't pretend what we do doesn't affect our immortal souls. I hope that those family members will find the purifiying grace of Purgatory and then be able to be in Heaven after they feel the pain they have caused to others. May God be with you and comfort you and give you His peace.

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eclecticmom

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Re: What does God do with emotionally abusive people in the afterlife?
« Reply #3 on: December 18, 2019, 11:21:08 PM »
I'm Eastern Orthodox, and we're comfortable saying, "I don't know" and "Lord, have mercy."  But we also fully believe that a) the departed have even now a foretaste of what is in store for them, whether good or bad, and b) we will all have to account for all of our thoughts, words, and deeds one day.  Everything will be laid bare, and it won't be pretty for a lot of us.  Scripture says, "'Vengeance is mine, says the Lord, 'I will repay.'"  I let that be enough, personally, and focus on my own repentance and growth.  It can be really hard, though.  Sometimes we want justice and fairness right now.  Finally, we pray for God to forgive the sins of the departed.  That doesn't mean the effects of their sins will be hidden from them, but that perhaps they can still be reconciled to God through our prayers.  It is ultimately between God and the person, but we pray anyway.

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Andeza

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Re: What does God do with emotionally abusive people in the afterlife?
« Reply #4 on: December 23, 2019, 04:19:14 AM »
Hmm, how to phrase this nice and concise? Because I could jabber on entirely too long pretty easy.

There's a parable in the Bible of a master that gave his servants money. Let's say a dollar to the first, five to the second, ten to the third. I forget the exact term of the time, apologies.

The first guy was scared to lose his master's money so he buried it, but the other two invested and doubled their gain.

All three had to give an accounting of what they did with the master's money in the end.

I think the same is true of death. In the end, saved, unsaved, we all will stand before our master and give an accounting of how we spent our time, borrowed directly from him, here on this earth. For many, it will not be a joyous moment, but rather a very rude awakening as all their wrongdoings are laid bare before them.

Just my take on it.

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PeanutButter

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Re: What does God do with emotionally abusive people in the afterlife?
« Reply #5 on: December 23, 2019, 05:33:52 AM »
My emotionally abusive mother died five years ago.  Before she died she never apologized or expressed any remorse regarding her abusive behavior towards me.  In other words, things were never made right here on earth.  My husband and I are now going through the same thing with his abusive mother.  His mom refuses to apologize and she is currently engaging in a smear campaign against us that is effectively throwing us out of the family by turning his siblings against us.  His sister called me two days after my back surgery and screamed at me on the phone.
I am just astounded at people's lack of conscience or remorse for doing things that are obviously abusive.  Both of these situations will never be fixed here on earth.  They will get away with their abusive behavior.  I realize there is nothing I can do to stop a smear campaign.  People will believe the abusers lies.  So I wonder is there any kind of justice or is this ever made right by God in the after life?  I don't want anyone to go to hell.  But does God fix this somehow in the afterlife?  Does God make the abuser face their abusive ways?  Is there some type of purgatory where the abuser has to atone for their sins and all the people they hurt? I feel really confused about where my mother is.  She is not bad enough for hell, but I can't imagine her in heaven with God when she has such a cruel streak in her. Mom seemed to take pleasure in hurting me.  I have a hard time believing someone like that it in heaven.  I guess it bothers me a great deal, that I have no idea where my mom is now that she has passed on. Does God provide any justice for me in the afterlife?  Any of your thoughts and wisdom would be appreciated.  Thanks
I recently realized (and I think its human nature) that I tend to 'feel' that someone who has wronged or hurt me or others ought to be punished somehow. IMO this may be a normal response to being harmed.
But once I posed the question "is it my place to say whether someone should be punished or what their punishment would be?" to myself, it helped me to detach some from the outcome. The detachment helps with my peace of mind.
 I understand everything you wrote though. I have and continue to observe the same feelings coming sometimes.
 I was raised in a very religous home. My ubpdM was extrememly judgemental of anyone who wasnt the same religion as she was. IME this must have at least in part seeded this punitive type of thinking for me. That is why it was important to try to make adjustments.
If there is a hidden seed of evil inside of children adults planted it there -LundyBancroft  Self-awareness is the ability to take an honest look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong good or bad -DebbieFord The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none -Thomas Carlyle

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NumbLotus

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Re: What does God do with emotionally abusive people in the afterlife?
« Reply #6 on: December 23, 2019, 12:37:57 PM »
Andeza, thank you for explaining that parable. I never understood it, and in fact I really disliked it.

For example, I dislike very much the idea that the servants were obliged to add to their master's wealth. The entitlement of that idea always bothered me: "here, do me a favor and keep my money for me while I travel, supposedly this is an honor for you but you are not only obligated to keep my money safe, but there is an unsaid expectation that you increase it for me, though I am already rich and exploit your labor."

And the man who only buried the money, I felt was the most honorable anyway. He was supposedly the man of the least talent. Instead of risking the money, he followed through on his promise and kept the money safe. He could have really blown it but he understood his obligation and acted responsibly.

The other two had large returns on investment, but luck is always a factor. Imagine if their investments had not turned out? They basically were gambling with another man's money. If he returned and they didn't have it, they would have been on the hook to owe him. What a mess, and not eaxctly an honor but a major obligation.

So I do really dislike the parable but at least you explained better what it meant, so I kind of get it.
Just a castaway, an island lost at sea
Another lonely day, noone here but me
More loneliness than any man could bear

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Free2Bme

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Re: What does God do with emotionally abusive people in the afterlife?
« Reply #7 on: December 26, 2019, 08:18:37 PM »


 "So I wonder is there any kind of justice or is this ever made right by God in the after life"?


Hi Gettingstronger,

I can hear the sadness in your post  :(
I have been at the epicenter of a smear campaign over the last 5 years because I left my H.  I have lost family, friends, church, and my abuser (unpdxh) has tried to turn my children against me too.   It is a terrible, sickening feeling to be so maligned and lied about.
At times, I have fantasized about my updxh being exposed for what he is, getting what he deserves, and having vindication for myself and my children.  Other times, I have despaired.  Then I remind myself that Jesus understands human suffering (all forms).

"O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more". Psalm 10:17-18

"The LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him"!  (Isaiah 30:18)

"He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you have been called, that you may obtain a blessing" (1 Pet. 2:22-23; 3:9).

1) I choose not to get back at people that have hurt me.
2) I can hope and pray that they will see the destruction they have caused in this life and make amends. 
These are the only ways I can "bless" them at this point.

I don't need to retaliate because they will have to give an account.
"I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give an account for every careless word they speak".  Matthew 12:36

I am truly sorry for all that you and your husband are going through, it is so painful. 
Wishing you comfort and peace  :bighug:



Adenza, great job paraphrasing this parable.   :)
I believe that the focus in this parable is not money.  One could substitute "time", "resources", "abilities"... whatever in place of 'money/riches'.  The concepts here are stewardship and trusting the 'master'.

"to whom much is given, much will be required"  Luke 12: 48
-I have known poor people and rich people that live in a way that blesses others tremendously.  I also know wealthy people and poor alike that live to benefit only themselves.  The issue is, what have I done with what has been given to me; my time, talents, and treasures.