Vile woman next door

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IWasNeverReallyHere

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Vile woman next door
« on: December 13, 2020, 01:04:18 AM »
I have a neighbour who visits the property next door on weekends with her elderly mother. I suspect the elderly woman once lived at this property with her husband who has probably passed on and the woman (daughter) accompanies the mother to this property.

Every visit, they bring their cockatoo with them and leave it in a cage right next to my fence and living room. When they leave the property for the week, they take the animal with them, which is a good thing for me. These details are not really important.

I'm a neurologically different person. I have a disability and a medical condition including misophonia and tonic tensor tympani syndrome. The noise this animal makes is extremely unpleasant for me. I love animals and have great compassion for this animal that it is in captivity and all. Obviously its wings are clipped and cannot fly. When I see other wild cockatoos come and socialise with this one and they fly away while this one cannot fly with them, the cruelty of it breaks my heart. I tend to see that it is one reason why this woman owns a cockatoo, so that another living being can also suffer along with her.

Getting to the issue for me and trying to focus on the woman's behavior and not the impact the noise from the animal has on me.
I have had quite a few verbal interactions with the woman. She has been very nasty to me previous times, once falsely claiming she had asked me to tell my landlord that the fence needed replacing. She never asked me to do this, nor would I have and I made that clear to her, which she then scolded me for 'not doing as she'd asked.'

I have asked her once before to take the animal away and she mocked me. I complained to my council and explained to them my disability, which was a waste of time. Today, again I made the poor choice of verbally speaking to her trying to find out if they were leaving soon, as I did not want to hear the animal. Yes, I realise I shouldn't ask questions that suggest what I want to happen, but yeah, I did. Her response..... I don't really give a shit to be honest. Just the way she said it, it spoke volumes about her and the kind of person she is. When someone shows you who they really are, believe them, as Maya Angelou said.

The issue is, I am afraid of her. I won't deny that. I wouldn't be posting here otherwise. She's horribly unpleasant. And now I'm considering moving partly to get away from her after being here nearly three years.

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Thru the Rain

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Re: Vile woman next door
« Reply #1 on: December 13, 2020, 01:44:31 AM »
How awful!

My gut reaction is to suggest you go ahead and move. These ladies sound truly awful. If I were told that my pet was causing problems, I would immediately try to fix the issue - not mock the person complaining. Surely they could put the bird on the other side of the house at least?


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clara

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Re: Vile woman next door
« Reply #2 on: December 14, 2020, 12:59:37 PM »
Sounds like this woman knows she's getting to you with her behavior, and is enjoying that power.  This is the behavior of someone with very low self-esteem.  She feels better about herself when she sees how unhappy she can make you.  She could care less about your medical condition.  She has you jumping through hoops, and she likes that.

She won't change unless she has to, and if your council won't address the issue, there's a limit to what else you can do without her escalating the situation into something that can no longer be ignored (by others).  She's also using her anger and general nasty attitude to bully you.  Don't let her.  She's not likely to do anything other than bully, and if you have to talk to her, just stick to the issues and repeat your concerns slowly and carefully as if talking to a child.  Don't engage her further.  If she tries, just say, I've said what I have to say, and leave it at that.  If moving seems the only solution, then that might be what you have to do since you have to put your needs first.  The temporary inconvenience of moving is far less important than the long-lasting benefits of doing so.

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IWasNeverReallyHere

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Re: Vile woman next door
« Reply #3 on: December 24, 2020, 06:26:02 AM »
Thank you Clara,  I completely agree with you.

Unfortunately for me, they've brought the animal with them today (Christmas eve) and it sits in a cage barely five metres away from me.

It's been screeching for the past three hours. It doesn't take long for the noise to affect me. The flight or fight response kicks in, the emotional distress begins, a headache forms and I usually end up in tears after a while. I don't know where the woman is, nor do I care. I'm sure she is enjoying the affect on my well being. I just don't want to let her see me in tears because of it as I will so badly want to say something vicious to her.

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Thru the Rain

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Re: Vile woman next door
« Reply #4 on: December 24, 2020, 08:44:57 PM »
Any chance you can pick up the cage (gently) and move the bird to another spot?

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lillylover

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Re: Vile woman next door
« Reply #5 on: December 25, 2020, 10:33:11 AM »
I'm so sorry for this kind of disturbance. I have a tender nervous system and that would really get to me. 

Where I live if there is noise that tops a certain decibel level the police can make the person who is responsible correct that . The decibel level actually gets measured  (not sure how).   I wonder if you have anything like that where you live? 

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GettingOOTF

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Re: Vile woman next door
« Reply #6 on: December 25, 2020, 11:06:21 AM »
I am sorry, this sounds like a nightmare.

My experience with people like this is that they derive pleasure from knowing that they are bothering others. The more you engage the more they will dig in.

Iíd contact the police and animal control about the noise.

If she has an issue with your landlord she should contact him directly.

Honestly if it were this bad Iíd think about moving. Iíve moved in the past because of awful neighbors. It sucks and is unfair, but sometimes we have to do things like this to get peace.

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IRedW77

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Re: Vile woman next door
« Reply #7 on: December 25, 2020, 10:16:05 PM »
I donít know what the rules or laws are where you live. It sounds like youíre in the UK. In the U.S. a lot of towns and cities have noise ordinances.

Decibel is a standard measure of volume level thatís often referenced in ordinances. Usually there are different volume levels acceptable at different times of dayólike after 10pm you have to be quieter.

If the bird is making loud noise at all hours it might be easier to get some local intervention.

Anyway, you can probably find your local noise ordinance with some internet searching. Most places here have their local laws posted somewhere on a city website. It might take a bit of searching and reading to find it, but you should learn the rules/laws.

There may be something obvious you can use. If you can rub a law in the face of the council (I actually have no idea what a council is or how it works). But whoever didnít listen to you you can say this woman is doing X and breaking Y law and you need to enforce it. You can also try the police as well.

Just educate yourself on anything this woman may be legally doing wrong and then try to get whatever law enforcement you have to stop her.

If it is based on Decibels I just looked and you can get a cheap Decibel meter for $15-$20 U.S. Checking into that and taking some measurements might help you decide if itís worth fighting. Unfortunately you may learn that youíre more sensitive to noise than what the law will protect. I donít know. Thereís an off chance that there are extra disability protections you might be able to find as well.

You shouldnít have to move because of this woman. Iíd at least exhaust all the remedies you can find first. There might also be free legal aid agencies that could help you. They may know ways to help you specific to your town or country that we donít have.


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IWasNeverReallyHere

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Re: Vile woman next door
« Reply #8 on: December 27, 2020, 12:05:28 AM »
Thank you for all the replies here. They are very reaffirming and helpful!

No, the cage cannot be moved. It wouldn't make any difference anyway. The animal isn't always in the cage. They often place it on a high perch in the open. I have yet to hear the animal at night time, which is a good thing.

I am in Australia, Victoria. Months ago they repeatedly broke our lockdown rules by visiting the property. I still cannot figure out what they come to the property to do. There is only so much gardening and maintenance that can be done, which is irrelevant however.

She is obviously the type of personality that only cares for her own interests and yes, absolutely derives enjoyment from bothering others. Unfortunately, I may have become that person.

I have made a formal complaint to my council body. They originally sent a letter to the wrong address, so I contacted them to make sure they sent the letter to the right address, which was two weeks ago. I'm not sure if she has received that letter yet. I would've thought there would be some kind of reaction from her, particularly toward me but she has not spoken to me since her last comment.

They sent me a noise impact log sheet, which are annoying to fill out. If I do fill it out, I can then choose to send it back to them with medical documentation of how the noise is affecting my health. I think the Decibel meter is a good idea along with additional disability protections.

I guess that information will determine if the evidence constitutes unreasonable noise or nuisance and decide the best course of action. Unfortunately, I can sense that if I do take it further, this woman will welcome that with a 'bring it on' attitude.

My main concern now is how long she is going to remain at the property now that it is the holiday period and she has been there since Xmas eve. I love using my outdoor shower which is right on the other side of the fence where the cage is. Every time I go out the back door, I'm uncomfortable if she looks at me. Unfortunately for me, moving elsewhere is going to be very very difficult.

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IWasNeverReallyHere

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Re: Vile woman next door
« Reply #9 on: December 27, 2020, 02:36:59 AM »
The animal has been screeching all afternoon. I'm really triggered at the moment. I'm thinking now I may consider asking one of my support workers to speak with the woman and explain its impact on me and to take the animal elsewhere. She doesn't have to of course, but just to see how she responds.

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clara

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Re: Vile woman next door
« Reply #10 on: December 27, 2020, 12:03:24 PM »
How much power does your Council have to do anything about this?  That's the place where you need to focus.  If there's something they can do, I would keep the pressure on them to do something.  They may not like it, but that's what they're there for.  Because this woman isn't going to change.  She doesn't care, and is showing you how much she doesn't care.  Do you risk your own situation by sending the Council a letter every single time she does this, documenting date and times?  Because sometimes the squeaky wheel actually gets the grease...

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blacksheep7

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Re: Vile woman next door
« Reply #11 on: December 27, 2020, 01:14:50 PM »
How much power does your Council have to do anything about this?  That's the place where you need to focus.  If there's something they can do, I would keep the pressure on them to do something.  They may not like it, but that's what they're there for.  Because this woman isn't going to change.  She doesn't care, and is showing you how much she doesn't care.  Do you risk your own situation by sending the Council a letter every single time she does this, documenting date and times?  Because sometimes the squeaky wheel actually gets the grease...

 :like:

IwasNeverReallyHere,

I'm sorry you are going through this.  It is madening, time and energy consuming.  No one deserves that. 

Clara has a good point, that woman won't change.  Bitter people hardly ever change.  I'm saying this politely.

I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear.

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GettingOOTF

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Re: Vile woman next door
« Reply #12 on: December 27, 2020, 02:49:47 PM »
People who bully others (and this is bullying) do so because they think they canít do anything about it. Nothing you do or say will stop this behavior. If it would have made a difference it would have after the first time you asked.

I would involve the council, animal control and the police. Involving anyone in your own circle will likely result in an escalation of the bullying.

Maybe one of your support workers could speak to the council, police etc. on your behalf.

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IRedW77

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Re: Vile woman next door
« Reply #13 on: December 27, 2020, 03:31:51 PM »
How much power does your Council have to do anything about this?  That's the place where you need to focus.  If there's something they can do, I would keep the pressure on them to do something.  They may not like it, but that's what they're there for.  Because this woman isn't going to change.  She doesn't care, and is showing you how much she doesn't care.  Do you risk your own situation by sending the Council a letter every single time she does this, documenting date and times?  Because sometimes the squeaky wheel actually gets the grease...

Yes! Thatís what I was going for. You need to squeak every bit as loud as that bird squawks if you want to get anything done. Just keep on documenting everything as carefully (I dare say obsessively) as you can and keep bugging them for action. Iím sure that you do have some rights and protections in place. Getting that protection can be frustrating and hard though.

I almost feel like part of how bureaucratic institutions work is to make people jump through hoops so that systems and limited resources donít get abused. Itís also a lot of CYA (Cover Your A**). But if you know how to jump through hoops you can get a lot done.

Channel every bit of frustration you can into meticulously squeaking so you get the grease you deserve.

Also, I donít know what your comfort level is for having things in or on your ears, but you could maybe get some earplugs or some earmuffs like what a construction worker would wear. I also got a pair of noise cancelling headphones for my birthday and theyíre pretty amazing. You can listen to TV or music and you really have to be listening to outside noise hard to hear it.

I donít know the particulars of whatís comfortable and ok for you, but I was just thinking of options to try and break out of the noise when youíre being triggered. Just getting a break where you can be mindful and center yourself when things are out of your control might help.

I also think itís really easy for me to say that you should push these people, because itís what I would do, but you do need be prepared.

We all know that theyíll try to find ways to retaliate. So be prepared for that. Mentally as well as practically.

Before you submit your documentation and complaints take a good inventory of your own habits and your own housing unitó make sure all of YOUR stuff is perfectly in order. Donít give them anything easy to complain about you withóbecause thatís probably the first thing theyíll try to do.

From there just keep a close eye on them. If they donít respect other people, then thereís no way they respect rules. Document everything else they do. You may quickly find that they do something else to antagonize you that involves breaking other rules. Just calmly, quietly, and fastidiously document everything else they do. Itíll just bolster your complaint.

Use their own hostility against them. Donít react, donít retaliate, donít give them any satisfaction. Just turn your evidence over to the authorities and let them settle things.

You said they broke quarantine rules. Can you prove that? Are you ready to document it and capture proof if they do it again? What kind of trouble will that get them in?

People in authority do not like it when people break all their rulesóthat will get the police or the council or whoever more on your side.

Lastly gather all the support you can around yourself. Iím glad you can come here and get some support. Get anyone else you can IRL. Itís good for emotional support, itís also good to help validate you that you DO NOT deserve to be treated like this. Also, the more people you talk to the more minds you bring to the table to help you solve this.

Youíre stronger than you think. Sheís a bully, and bullies are always weak and scared inside. 

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IWasNeverReallyHere

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Re: Vile woman next door
« Reply #14 on: December 31, 2020, 03:35:44 AM »
Nothing but fucking screeching all day! And she doesn't give a fuck. So triggered right now. I just want to scream at that bitch and fucking slap her.

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IWasNeverReallyHere

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Re: Vile woman next door
« Reply #15 on: December 31, 2020, 05:15:07 AM »
I just checked my letterbox and found a cockatoo feather in there. I'm pretty damn certain a cockatoo feather wouldn't just find its way in there by no means.

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GettingOOTF

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Re: Vile woman next door
« Reply #16 on: January 01, 2021, 02:12:37 PM »
People like this take pleasure in what they do to make others suffer. 

Can you move? My experience with people like this is that they never stop. If it’s not the bird it will be something else. I have come to value my own peace above all else.

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IWasNeverReallyHere

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Re: Vile woman next door
« Reply #17 on: January 16, 2021, 05:44:04 AM »
I have been putting a lot of effort into potentially moving, however it will be very difficult. I missed a call from a local council ranger about the cockatoo. I don't actually see the animal as a problem as its through no fault of the animal being in the life that it has. The woman is the problem. She displays a 'model citizen' profile in the neighbourhood, yet selectively picks out victims she can mistreat.

Just today, she's been here and she had the opposite side neighbour over with their dog. The cockatoo sets the dog off and it barks as it becomes stressed. It must terrify the cockatoo. They kept trying to control the dog thinking they could calm him, but nothing was going to calm the dog while being near the cockatoo, unless they were separated. This went on for hours, while I thought to myself, how can you be so stupid? She was probably trying to get to me and it worked.

I stepped outside, then looked at her for a brief second and saw her staring at me. She makes the comment oh the dogs annoying you now, is it?  I did not respond at all and walked away. There is a look about her eyes that I find to be rather terrifying.

She is a bully in every sense of the word.