Manipulation Tactics, start paying attention to behavior

[Limoni]

Hi, I've literally just registered and am unfamiliar with navigating the forum and the acronyms, so apologies if this is the wrong thread or topic, but I couldn't find my way round that easily...

I am pretty sure my mother is a NPD, I had a 'rocky' childhood to put it simply - but now as an adult I am experiencing problems with my remaining elder sibling, as she has also been displaying highly likely NPD/BPD traits, but I also wonder about myself? If we're the results of our parents then my own struggles with relationships are possibly due to having these same traits.

I don't think I am manipulative (no more than anyone else?) my sister and mother are more openly manipulative and quite aggressive, but my sister is very tactical in her behaviours and a highly intelligent manipulator and aggressor, I really believe the intentions are to control and dominate to feed a NPD, so basically I am the one doubting my sanity AND integrity - I've made plenty of mistakes in my past, and I would say this was probably 80% to do with the fact my NPD mother and EF took no interest in me was a child whatsoever - apart from when I misbehaved or made a mistake and then I was shamed, invalidated or ignored. I think I have a very impulsive nature, sometimes due to fight or flight drives or is it that I am the person with BPD? A Facebook group member suggested I was most likely suffering from CPTSD?

It's impossible for me to unravel and I am so very confused I feel I don't even understand who I am anymore - can someone point me in the right direction?

[bloomie]

Hi Limoni - Welcome to Out of the FOG. I am really glad you have reached out and joined the community for support.

Just to let you know I moved your post introducing yourself over here to The Welcome Mat so the community would be able to see it.

It seems like you are at the point of realizing and sorting through a lot of really difficult experiences with your family of origin (FOO). I can relate to wondering how impacted we are by our skewed upbringing. Learning about trauma responses and something called fleas was such a help to me.

Fleas: https://outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do-1/2015/12/3/fleas

And a great resource regarding trauma responses and Cptsd: http://pete-walker.com/fourFs_TraumaTypologyComplexPTSD.htm

Spending time looking through the resources and toolbox are a great jumping in place. We have book recommendations and other online resources that are also ways to begin to find terms for the traits and behaviors that you are encountering in suspected PD family members.

I hope you find the insights and conversations taking place on the boards to be an encouragement and help. I want to include a couple of links that will help you settle in and get the hang of posting on the boards in the threads of others and even starting your own.

5 Easy Steps to Make Your First Post: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=26098.0

And Out of the FOG's FAQ: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=48572.0

Don't hesitate to ask for help if you need it.  Keep coming back and sharing, reading, taking in all of the wisdom there is here. It helps to lighten a heavy load when we share it with others who understand and believe us.

[D.]

Welcome Limoni,

You've begun a meaningful journey and it took courage to reach out here.  Thank you for giving me the opportunity to respond.  The resources that Bloomie mentioned are all terrific to help with healing.  I just want to encourage you to be compassionate and patient with yourself right now.  Personally, I have CPTSD and have been mostly free of symptoms for several years.  Understanding the impact of others on my life and taking steps to heal has been some of the most significant moments I can describe.  And this group is incredibly supportive and helpful.  How wonderful that you found it.  I look forward to seeing you here on the boards.