housemate is volatile

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ShyTurtle

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housemate is volatile
« on: December 29, 2020, 10:01:40 AM »
So after I got tired of my housemate's toxic behavior of ignoring me and being angry about everything for weeks on end,  I called her out on it in the most firm and kind way possible, suggesting that she needed to do something different with her days because she deserves better for herself. Well, apparently that was the wrong move because she went straight to 100 and kicked me out that evening.

Although she has stated that we can stay here until we find a place, she will not speak to me, and she avoids me. It wouldn't be so bad except that my son is here witnessing this chaos too.

Now I'm worried about her abusing our young cat because she doesn't want him around.

I've started to look for a new place and I'm going to look at one today, but I know she's going to make our lives difficult until we leave.

I feel like I've invested so much kindness and patience to this relationship, but she's gone and done that splitting thing, and now I am the spawn of satan in her eyes I'm certain. I kind of wonder if she might come and kill me in my sleep tbh.

Any suggestions on surviving what could potentially be another miserable month here?  :stars:
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Bloomie

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Re: housemate is volatile
« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2020, 12:21:16 PM »
ShyTurtle - wow that sounds really hard and if you truly feel you or your child could be in danger in any way is there a relative, friend or anyone else or another place you can stay until you can find a place for yourself?

In terms of strategies - gray rock is a really good way to stay safe and disengaged: https://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/grey-rock-safe-detachment

The toolbox is also a great place for simple coping suggestions and with each trait in the Personality Disordered drop down menu above you will find a do/don't section of ideas.

If she is ignoring you and cutting you off, though it creates a hostile environment to live in, in a way it makes it easier to follow her lead and not engage verbally or otherwise with her and stay focused on your child and own life. If possible can you stay in parts of the home she does not share - like your private space and wear a neutral calm demeanor when you have to be in common areas?

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ShyTurtle

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Re: housemate is volatile
« Reply #2 on: December 29, 2020, 02:22:59 PM »


In terms of strategies - gray rock is a really good way to stay safe and disengaged: ...

The toolbox is also a great place for simple coping suggestions and with each trait in the Personality Disordered drop down menu above you will find a do/don't section of ideas.


Thanks for these suggestions! I've been grey rocking her to some extent already. In the process of blocking her social media profile, I am pretty sure she blocked me too...which is kind of too bad because for a while there I was relying on her facebook feed as a sort of "weather report" for her mood swings since she normally posts 5 times a day.  Maybe it's just as well that I don't have access at this time though.

Being here is like deja vu from when I was a teenager and dealing with my personality disordered mother. It's the same in so many ways. Fingers crossed that today brings some positive things.
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