she can't stop nitpicking

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ShyTurtle

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she can't stop nitpicking
« on: January 10, 2021, 06:01:09 PM »
Nitpicking is now the only way that bpd housemate can relate to me. Since Christmas, I am the bane of her existence and it makes being in the same part of the house with her for any length of time intolerable to me.

The latest is that she has deemed my leaving dishes on the drying mat to dry as unacceptable. She suddenly expects me to put them away even through she regularly leaves dishes in the sink and a mess everywhere. Things have degraded so much between us now.

So she took it upon herself to stack up all the dishes around where the tea kettle is, knowing that I use it regularly along with a hand written note dictating her new kitchen rules. So, not wanting to spend any time whatsoever in the same space as her angry huffing and grunting, I moved the dishes to the dining room table (which she never uses) and went back to my room.

I still have 3 weeks left until I move into my new place.

🐝➕

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Janeite V

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Re: she can't stop nitpicking
« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2021, 02:08:51 AM »
Thank goodness you've already arranged a new place, because that must be exhausting!

I've experienced almost the exact same behavior, word for word, with a covert narcissist. In their case I think it was an attempt at baiting a confrontation, and probably also a way of blaming their internal chaos on something external to themselves rather than dealing with their own emotions.

I hope that you will be able to successfully grey rock (or whatever other strategy you have chosen) for the next three weeks. It's very difficult when someone is so intent on being victimised.

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ShyTurtle

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Re: she can't stop nitpicking
« Reply #2 on: January 16, 2021, 12:56:06 AM »
I've experienced almost the exact same behavior, word for word, with a covert narcissist. In their case I think it was an attempt at baiting a confrontation, and probably also a way of blaming their internal chaos on something external to themselves rather than dealing with their own emotions.

Thanks Janeite V. I hope I can make it through the next few weeks too! I feel constantly baited by her. Just today, she sent me a text to tell me that her blood pressure "has been all over the place" and that her doctor "should have sent her to the hospital" today...this after binge eating for weeks and not moving from her chair. It feels like she's trying to rope me into a caretaking role.  It's really sad, but I'm so done.
🐝➕

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Janeite V

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Re: she can't stop nitpicking
« Reply #3 on: January 16, 2021, 04:12:24 AM »
It's so baffling because most people become stressed out by constant petty arguments and their blood pressure might well go up because of it. I know someone who had chronically high blood pressure and pre-diabetes for years, which miraculously went away without any additional diet and exercise very soon after she got a separation from her PD spouse.

But I've also seen the opposite where some people with a PD will visibly relax when they've managed to get someone else upset. I wonder if that lowers their blood pressure? When they don't get their fix they often become self-destructive in other ways. I hate seeing it.

I am very glad you're not being roped into that caretaking role. It's very sad to see them suffer but no one should have to play that pressure release valve for another person like that.

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ShyTurtle

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Re: she can't stop nitpicking
« Reply #4 on: January 16, 2021, 12:48:44 PM »
no one should have to play that pressure release valve for another person like that.
Exactly! Thank you! Amen to that!
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