I am so close...

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April86

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I am so close...
« on: February 05, 2021, 06:45:42 AM »
I have been 2yrs NC from my abusive mother and older sister. There's one last tie that stands between total freedom, my sisters ig account. After all this time i still look her up regularly and choose to endure her insufferable Susie homemaker posts just to see my niece and nephew grow up. My older sister verbally and psychologically abused me my whole life.

Things between us were good so long as she kept her foot on my neck. I loved spending time with my niece and nephew. But anytime she thought I began to outshine her in any way from a man looking at me (we're both married so it shouldn't matter), to making the children laugh harder than she did. She'd rank up the abuse and intimidation more and more until I'd have to stay away for a while to recover my sanity. The children would be look so hurt, they naturally didn't understand why I would leave them suddenly or dissappear, they'd think I didn't wanted to see them. When the usual intimidation didnt work my sister would send a text "I'm sorry for the past, come over." And begin spamming me with pics of the kids saying "I'm gonna keep sending you pics of them till you come over." She knows I'd never want to see her again if it wasn't for her children. So she exploited that along with every other weakness I had. This cycle lasted for years.

The last time I saw my niece and nephew was my wedding, the darlings made presents for me and my husband and I've never been able to thank them. It absolutely breaks my heart that I had to walk out of their life that way. They're children, they're innocent casualties in all this. Though it's my sister using her own children as pawns and accessories to make herself look good I still feel guilty. In a perfect world I dream of finding them or them finding me when they're adults and I could make things right, explain that my reasons for dissapearing wasn't because i stopped loving them. I don't know if I can press "unfollow" and let them go, even for my own survival.
« Last Edit: February 05, 2021, 06:50:25 AM by April86 »

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DistanceNotDefense

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Re: I am so close...
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2021, 01:15:44 PM »
Hi April86. I'm so sorry you're going through this ... It is pure agony, and I can relate.

There is another setting on IG called "mute." There is also another one called restrict.

The first one means you're still friends with them and can can look at their profile, whenever you want. But their posts and stories don't show up in your feed.

The second restricts how you see them interacting with your posts and can make their comments and likes hidden from you.

Though I unfortunately have all family blocked on social media, this is a very good middle ground. You won't be reminded of your sister out of the blue whenever you log in, and have that trigger you. You'd have to put in work to see her, but you can, if you want, check on your niece and nephew. From there, keeping her out of sight and mind for the most part is just a matter of willpower.

Going through this sounds insanely painful. I have a couple nieces of my own and in my case, I highly doubt I'll be in their lives. But I didn't have the close relationship to them like you have. For you, it's such a loss....that said, they sound like darling children and maybe they will wake up to your sisters ways, and see her as unhealthy. Maybe they will contact you.

There is always hope...and here is a hug if you think you could use one  :bighug:

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April86

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Re: I am so close...
« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2021, 04:30:46 PM »
DistanceNotDefense, thank you for the hug and kind words. You mentioned will power and I think thats something that I want to master. Even with muting my sister's account I feel compelled to look her up more often than is healthy. Sometimes its to remind me of the reasons why I should maintain NC. We are a small family (mom, sis, me) with no extended family members in this country at all so the obligation and need to be close and involved was even stronger.

I feel I've made progress these 2 years but it was my mom's Bday recently and for a moment I was back at square one. Wanting rush back to them and prostrate myself in submission, so to speak. It takes time for logic and reasoning to come back to me and the only thing I can do is wait it out. I'm glad there's at least a platform to express all these conflicting feelings we have. Its a process of mourning, I miss my niece and nephew  and think of them everyday. They are thoughtful and sensitive kids, my niece is especially very insightful and intuitive, hopefully they will eventually see things as they are.