How did your pd parents react to yr sexual assault/ harassment?

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Writingthepain

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How did your pd parents react to yr sexual assault/ harassment?
« on: February 14, 2021, 08:18:43 PM »
I was 11 the first time I was sexually propositioned, it was by a class mate my age. Shocked, When I managed to stammer out a rejection, the boy took revenge by sexually groping me. I told my npd mom when I got home, her response was 'oh well, that's boys for you.'

That was it, that was all I got.

I was one of the first girls in my class to start to develop. Not once did my mom prepare or warn me about what might be out there in the way of harassment or danger.

I started a new middle school aged 12, on my first day an older boy followed me asking,demanding, threatening and trying to coax me into giving him a blow job. I didn't even know what a blow job was thanks to my mom's pitiful sex education.

So that evening at the dinner table I asked 'mom, what's a blow job?'
My mom exploded into one of her screaming rages, accusing me of everything. I sat there bewildered, no idea what I'd done. My dad eventually stepped in and got my mom to shut up long enough for me to explain what had happened.
The response from my dad was to tell me that if it ever happened again I was to run away and tell a teacher. My mom's response was to still tell me off for saying those words at all.

Since then I've faced a great many sexual harassments and unwanted touching etc. I had to learn how to deal with it on my own.
Has anyone else had a similar experience?

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Hepatica

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Re: How did your pd parents react to yr sexual assault/ harassment?
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2021, 08:41:21 PM »
You know if I had had a daughter I would have sat down with her at an age where we could have a conversation, much younger than middle school and talked about good touch and bad touch and that no one has a right to touch our bodies. I had the conversation with my son, even before he started day care. He understood. Kids can understand these things very well, even very young children. It's so important to talk about it, otherwise what happened to you is what can and does happen.

I hate that that happened to you. It's so unfortunate that you weren't prepared for what can happen out there in this world, that these things are not our fault and not right. You didn't know how to stop it because your mother did not do her job to educate you and keep you safe. Even worse it angers me that your mother blew up and made your experience about her and her hang ups about talking about unwanted inappropriate touching.

What happened to you is so preventable and your mother was either unwilling or unprepared but, I suspect she was unwilling.

It's a shame and I think it was doubly shameful that she used your experience to gain pity for herself, and shamed you in such a violent way by screaming and raging.

I did experience sexually inappropriate things growing up, and because I had no intimacy with my mother at all, I didn't even think to go to her for support. My mother never created a space for this kind of conversation. Because she was so silent about these things, they became kind of taboo. ThereforeI kept everything inside, or talked to my girlfriends.

It's a huge loss for you that that happened, one of many losses of what could have been prevented by an open, loving conversation where your mother stood by you and helped you firstly understand what can happen and if it does happen, give you a safe place to speak about it. We still live in a culture, unfortunately, that leans toward blaming women for these things and it hurts me that there girls still experience this in this day and age where there is no excuse for blaming someone and shaming someone who is already in distress.

I'm so so sorry this happened. It was not your fault and you deserved so much better than your mother's selfish, cruel response.

 :bighug:
« Last Edit: February 14, 2021, 08:48:30 PM by Hepatica »
“There is a place in you where you have never been wounded, where there's
still a sureness in you, where there's a seamlessness in you, and where
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Cat of the Canals

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Re: How did your pd parents react to yr sexual assault/ harassment?
« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2021, 03:44:43 AM »
I'm so sorry you had to endure that -- both the assaults and harassment and your mother's reaction. Truly awful.

When I was a senior in high school, I was at a boy's house for a group school project. There were two other people there, but I asked to use the bathroom, and he told me to use the one in his room. When I came out, he was waiting for me. He grabbed me, pinned me down on his bed, and started groping me. The only reason he stopped was because one of the other group members walked in, heard me saying GET OFF OF ME and told him, "Dude. Get off of her."

I didn't tell anyone about it until I was in my 20s. I've never told my mother. I don't think I ever will. I think if the same thing had happened when I was ten, I still wouldn't have told her. I knew early on I couldn't rely on her for anything like that. She would have made it all about HER.

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Liketheducks

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Re: How did your pd parents react to yr sexual assault/ harassment?
« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2021, 03:13:24 PM »
I'm grateful that my mom could have those conversations about the birds and bees when I was younger in a constructive/healthy manner.   It was when I was older....sheesh.   When I described workplace harassment issues - I got....well you look like me.  Then, mom just wanted me to know that she was harassed/desired far more.   Creepy jealousy vibe.   

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Maxtrem

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Re: How did your pd parents react to yr sexual assault/ harassment?
« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2021, 05:25:37 PM »
Your stories are really sad and distressing. Self-centered mothers who are best not to confide in. Personally it has never happened to me. On the other hand, my grandmother's brother had been raped when he was 6 years old in a boarding school. One of his brothers who was also in the same residential school and who was much older saved him, he almost killed his attacker. Their father's response to this, he left his son in that residential school until he was 12 years old where he was repeatedly raped for 6 years and he sent his other son across the country to punish him. Why did my great-grandfather sociopath act like that, only because this boarding school belonged to the church and at that time religion had a great power in my country and he loved being tied to that power. Yet this man was rich and well known in his community and could have easily saved his sons, but he preferred to keep his image to the detriment of his own children.