Reflecting on my childhood

[Fairy Lights]

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum, and new to learning about personality disorders.

I'm so nervous about posting here, I don't know why (actually I do, fear of speaking out about dad, taboo, shame, rooted in childhood). I'm late 30s, female, and just over a year ago something triggered me and my brother to talk for the first time about our dad, and how he was as we grew up, and how he still is really. We had never spoken about our dad's behaviour until that moment, and it was quite emotional as well as a relief and validating, and lead me to contacting a therapist who I've been talking to for about a year.

Our dad has never been diagnosed with any BPD, but I'm beginning to suspect that maybe he fits somewhere in that spectrum (which has lead me to googling 'symptoms' and learning about BDP and finding this forum.

Is it ok to talk about my childhood experiences here? I'm just trying to understand my dads behaviour, I guess I'm looking for answers and validation..which is something I talk about in therapy. But it's also a comfort to see that I'm not alone. I've only ever spoken about my dad with my brother and my therapist.

Shall I post here, or in the 'Coping with PD Parents' section?

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the group fairy lights,


there are many of us who realized as adults that something wasn't quite ok with the way our parents treated us as we grow up.  i am glad to hear that you and your brother are able to debrief and talk through the behaviors you saw in your father together-  some of the other posters got pitted against sibling(s) as children and don't have that shared experience because if the other sibling was the golden child they did not experience the full force of their parent's PD/ uPD.   i agree with you 100% about PD/ uPD being on a spectrum. 


the forum is a perfect place to talk about your childhood experiences as well as where your relationship with your father is now- you can post in more than one part of the forum- the only things we ask are that you don't post the same thing in more than one  part of the forum.  it sounds like the 'coping with PD parents' is a good fit for you.  when you are ready to share more, we're listening.

see you on the boards-

[Fairy Lights]

Thanks so much xredshoesx It does feel good to be here! And I do feel very lucky to be able to talk about dad with my brother, it's so validating to hear that he feels the same way as me.

I would love to post my experiences in 'Coping with PD Parents' and to talk to others about it. (One of the reasons I've never spoken to anyone about dad before, aside from the deep rooted unspoken rule that 'We don't talk about dad's rages', is that I thought no one would believe me, or at least they wouldn't believe how bad it was. But I hope that here, people will be understanding) <3

I'll post again soon Thanks so much for this forum!

[Boat Babe]

Oh, we believe you.  Every. Single. Word.  People who haven't experienced this don't get it and it's difficult for them to understand the sheer insanity and damage inflicted.

You may find yourself journaling, which is hugely beneficial in managing your emotions and gaining mental clarity. When you post here you get some amazing feedback which is very validating. . Doing both will help hugely.

[Fairy Lights]

Thanks Boat Babe, that already makes me feel much better! I think this is going to help me a lot, talking with people who 'get it'.... my whole life I just thought my experiences were normal, I thought people would just think I was over reacting. Anyway, I'll post more int he 'coping with pd parents' section 

And yes, I started journaling about this time last year, when I started talking with my counsellor. I still do, and it helps hugely to write things down.