How do you self care?

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Breakthrough

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Re: How do you self care?
« Reply #20 on: March 29, 2021, 04:57:57 AM »
instead often veg out on tv while surfing the web or Facebook.  May be that’s self care too?
depends because that sort of mindless activity is more often escapism so maybe explore if you’re using that to escape facing a difficult situation - enneagram nine folks like me often call one another out on that as an unhealthy coping mechanism and caution not to get lost too long in it

It is definitely escapism, reading is for me too.  I think it’s a bad form of procrastination for me, which leads to the opposite of self care.  I am not sure which enneagram I am, but as an INFJ, I do tend to live inside my head, and I definitely need to work on grounding myself more.

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Lauren17

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Re: How do you self care?
« Reply #21 on: March 29, 2021, 11:50:26 AM »
Thank you for saying this Breakthrough!
Reading is escapism for me too. “Read a book” is always on those self care lists.  But I honestly think I read too much. Tension has been high the last month or so and I’m averaging a novel a day.
I’m working on getting back to:
Baking
Sewing
Walks
Yoga
Journaling
I’m also trying to count making doctors appointments, hair dresser, taking vitamins as self-care. But it doesn’t feel like it to me.
“I’m no quitter, but I finally quit living on dreams. I’m hungry for laughter and here ever after, I’m after whatever this other life brings.”
-Kenny Rogers

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Boat Babe

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Re: How do you self care?
« Reply #22 on: March 29, 2021, 01:33:59 PM »
Reading. That's an interesting one.  As a form of escapism, it is certainly not harmful, especially if you choose excellent books.  I see it more as a refuge.  As a child I read constantly. I was a total library junkie as I just loved the safety and possibilities of the place. My mother didn't like me reading all the time "You're always reading" she would say with distaste. As if a child reading was a bad thing!!! It meant I wasn't giving her attention. It also meant that I am now phenomenally well read and am brilliant at pub quizzes!!!

It gets better. It has to.

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SparkStillLit

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Re: How do you self care?
« Reply #23 on: March 29, 2021, 11:48:35 PM »
Gosh, I'd read my eyes out if I could. Always. I LOVE reading. I never really thought of it like that.
I mean, I'll float and read, or sit out with the dogs and read, or....I just love to read!!!!
I like doing other things, too, like gardening and knitting and kayaking and baking and hiking with buddies.
I never thought of reading as a bad thing.
I like gaming, too, but I hardly EVER get to do it.

PUB QUIZZES once again I ❤ you!!!  Also I always got the "you're always reading" or even "quit reading and go do something" wtf I wasn't bothering anybody! Reading quietly being still! I'd take my book and go somewhere out of sight and read there. Or ride my bike to the *gasp* LIBRARY!
« Last Edit: March 29, 2021, 11:57:40 PM by SparkStillLit »

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BeautifulCrazy

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Re: How do you self care?
« Reply #24 on: March 30, 2021, 06:05:35 PM »
 I had to think about this carefully. Especially after reading replies considering 'escapism' vs. 'self care'.  :whistling:
Some of my self care is now part of my daily routine (progress!) so it doesn't stand out as being self care anymore. Some of it is very intentional and still feels like work, so it hardly seems like self care either.
- Getting outside no matter the weather.Even if it is, literally, only stepping out the side door for a moment. My natural curiosity usually gets me around the corner to the back yard or around to the front to check the mail.
- Keeping spaces important to me tidy Three teenage boys. Things get messy. Choose battles. Remain sane. Let the rest go sometimes.
- Making good food choices for myself. It's a struggle as a working and homeschooling (pandemic) mom. I have to consciously put nourishing things in instead of eating what the kids don't. Or what's easiest. Or junk.
- Therapy. I have a therapist for C-PTSD for one on one therapy. She also has a C-PTSD group organized that I do weekly meets with and has an online chat support board.
I used to see a psychiatrist who specialized in trauma. When my sessions hit the max limit she set me up to continue seeing an affiliated counselor from her practice who does life- coaching style stuff. I love this because it is practical solutions and skill building without having to weekly revisit the trauma.
- Singing and dancing. Instant Joy. A bad day can be quickly turned around just by cranking up Billie Jean and dancing around the kitchen. When I had a rough day my very British mum made tea and toast. When my kids have a bad day, I pull up a playlist and we dance. (Unless a quiet snuggle sesh is what's required...)
- Church (weekly live stream at present) Singing. Belonging to community. Learning. Being reminded that others have these values too.
- Exercise. I hate it. It's work. I am not naturally disciplined. My lifestyle is really active and our whole house are athletes but I still have to take care of some body parts, so they don't slide, you know? And my doctor recently said I need to incorporate weight work to maintain bone density because I'm getting "older".
- Meditation. This was really really REALLY hard to do with any regularity. It took me years, no kidding, YEARS!, to incorporate successfully into my day. Now I do a little six phase meditation every morning before I do anything else. If for some reason I don't do it, I really notice the difference in my day.
- Reading this forum. I learn so much from everyone here and the tone is always positive and helpful.  I love / hate reading the 'Working on Us' section. I've encountered some super uncomfortable truths there about myself there while reading others' soul-searing honesty. Yeah, I'm thinking of your posts, especially, Hopeful Spine. Your willingness to be visible, vulnerable and accountable astounds me. But there are so many others here who do that too. I can read without fear now that I've left my uOCPDh which is such a blessing.
- Doing or choosing things just because. Without catering to others. Because I can. Because I want to. Because it benefits me. Any one of those are reason enough. I don't have to justify it. I deserve good things too. I don't have to only cook what other people like. Sometimes saying NO to something fits into this category too.

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CelestialLight

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Re: How do you self care?
« Reply #25 on: April 03, 2021, 04:18:51 AM »
instead often veg out on tv while surfing the web or Facebook.  May be that’s self care too?
depends because that sort of mindless activity is more often escapism so maybe explore if you’re using that to escape facing a difficult situation - enneagram nine folks like me often call one another out on that as an unhealthy coping mechanism and caution not to get lost too long in it

It is definitely escapism, reading is for me too.  I think it’s a bad form of procrastination for me, which leads to the opposite of self care.  I am not sure which enneagram I am, but as an INFJ, I do tend to live inside my head, and I definitely need to work on grounding myself more.

Something my psychologist told me: a little escapism can be a good thing. Sometimes you need a break from the real world, and reading a book is a good way to clear your head of the issue/s and focus on something else. Especially if your thoughts are spiralling.

However, it is like chocolate: good in moderation.

I escaped into books as a teen, even during class times, so the temptation is very strong for me, but I’ve learned to mix and match. Maybe instead of reading an entire book, I might read half, and do something else.

Before leaving my ex, I escaped for hours into fanfics. It was an unhealthy coping mechanism which I intend to not repeat in the future.

Also, my cat lets me know when it’s food time. Tap tap tap...

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CelestialLight

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Re: How do you self care?
« Reply #26 on: April 21, 2021, 07:14:07 AM »
Welp, guess it’s time to add playing Animal Crossing to my list.

Wandering around doing island maintenance seems to help me switch my mind off to sleep, within half an hour...

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SparkStillLit

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Re: How do you self care?
« Reply #27 on: April 30, 2021, 10:00:37 PM »
I have started going back to friends' houses. This has resumed the awful PD behaviors associated with that.
Forgot about those.
I am also going to go back to the gym. My female coworker hasn't decided what to do with her membership; she has an important situation at home and she can't commit to going with me daily like we did in the Before Times. However, a male coworker who always goes, and used to see us there, has agreed to leave work at the same time and meet there so we can "be accountable" and talk through the plastic walls on the treadmills so it's less of a misery. Or on the rowers, or whatever.
Updh is going to lose his SH!T when he finds out I'm going with a male. WWIII.
Should I say nothing as long as possible, or casually out with it right away, or....? He will know I've been somewhere when I don't come home on time, and if I simply say I've been to the gym, he will say "With X?". I guess I can say "no, she can't commit" and drop it....but he WILL put the thumbscrews to me, it's his MO....
Heaven above, isn't this lovely, I'm just going to the blessed public GYM and it's like some kind of frigging covert ops...

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Hepatica

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Re: How do you self care?
« Reply #28 on: May 01, 2021, 08:26:00 AM »
I have figured out these things are self-care for me because i feel better when I do them and afterward.

online zumba classes
yoga
walking my dogs
talking to people when i walk my dogs (at a distance)
cup of tea or coffee
showering and caring about my appearance (not over the top - just the basics)
writing
painting when i've done it - very zen feeling - and a feeling of accomplishment when i'm finished
crocheting
walking in nature
swimming in nature
walking with a friend or tea with a friend (pre-covid)
watching this youtube site that's inspiring by this swedish woman named jonna jinton (reminds me how soothing nature is)
sometimes just a little road trip
browsing in a book store
sitting in a nice coffee shop (pre-covid)
“There is a place in you where you have never been wounded, where there's
still a sureness in you, where there's a seamlessness in you, and where
there is a confidence and tranquility." John O'Donohue

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Dandelion

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Re: How do you self care?
« Reply #29 on: May 01, 2021, 08:37:37 AM »
I think one of the ‘self care’ thoughts I have is around realising my essential good motivation, but also accepting my imperfection. This is hard for me as I feel shame and distress if I am sometimes misunderstood, or my good intentions or integrity is questioned (INFJs dislike this) or if I make mistakes or struggle with the world in whatever way. I do seem to need a lot of time out to heal generally from everyday modern life.  I live in a large seaside town in the UK but quite often dream about a quieter life somewhere, maybe on a Greek island (minus mosquitoes though pls!).

In the book “dear daughter of a narcissistic mother” by Danu morrigan I think there is an excellent page on this subject of accepting our imperfection p162:

“ I know there is a huge strength in knowing it’s okay to mess up, that it’s part of being human, and it doesn’t mean we are lesser people whenever we make mistakes“

It gave me a lot of freedom to realise and acknowledge this (after a recent psychodrama) and will photocopy that page and try and remind myself from time to time.  “I tried” could be on my headstone but also “I tried and failed”.
« Last Edit: May 01, 2021, 08:46:04 AM by Dandelion »

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Dandelion

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Re: How do you self care?
« Reply #30 on: May 01, 2021, 09:21:56 AM »
Hepatica I do like your Donaghue signature quote, I was looking for it the other day, but couldn’t remember where I’d seen it.
« Last Edit: May 01, 2021, 10:02:23 AM by Dandelion »