HPD sister up to sth, what to expect?

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sambellscoup

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HPD sister up to sth, what to expect?
« on: April 06, 2021, 10:01:11 PM »
HPD sister has told me, and only me, that she's got married. She visited our parents the day before she told me, but did not tell them. She started by sending me a message being dishonest about a situation regarding bridesmaid dresses. That set off alarm bells on my head, so I thwarted her efforts to get me trapped on the phone with her and, long story short, she ended up going on a bit of an all-day rampage, then finally sent me a huffy message telling me she's married. I swiftly congratulated her and that was the end of that. I discovered the next day that she hasn't told anyone else and am now doubly glad that I didn't pick up her call.

Bit of background: her original wedding was postponed due to pandemic, then for some reason she cancelled altogether saying it was too hard to get vendors again contradicting the time she told us that all vendors were happy to postpone... All year she dragged our other sister into fights over wedding plans and then kicked her off the bridal party and told her to pay back her dress money. Oh and told same sister that the new plan was to have no guests at the new wedding except me and my husband, even though we're not close, at all. HPD sis sent me a message after their exchange hinting about it, so I trust it to be true.

So, right now I'm in a situation where I'm the only one who knows about her marriage and I don't know what she's playing at with this, and am wondering if anyone else here has been put in a similar situation? I'm happy to just not tell anyone and pretend nothing happened if that's what's likely to work best, and that's my first instinct, but I'm so confused as to where she's going with this particular game and would really appreciate what drama I might potentially be facing and how I might best deal with it. Any insights/ideas would be gratefully received.

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Call Me Cordelia

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Re: HPD sister up to sth, what to expect?
« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2021, 11:47:42 PM »
 :o That’s crazy. It sure does feel like some kind of big setup, just reading this. My first instinct matches yours. It isn’t your news, so you will mind your own business and find other things to discuss amongst the family. If/when the big reveal happens, and then the reveal that you were in on the big secret, I think there’s nothing for it but to put on broken record, “It was sis and husband’s news to tell.”

I can see it being awkward should the family plan to be doing anything for the “big day” and they want you involved in what they don’t know is a charade. Maybe a fallback could be, “I suggest you talk to sis about that.” My thought is that this is potentially another weapon against your other sister, that she confided in YOU and not her. It sucks and I’m sorry you’re in this bizarre bridezilla situation.

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sambellscoup

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Re: HPD sister up to sth, what to expect?
« Reply #2 on: April 07, 2021, 06:34:04 AM »
Thanks for your reply, it really helps to see that I'm not being paranoid about feeling set up for something. I have been wondering if it's some bizarre firm of further abuse for my poor non-PD sister and perhaps jealousy of any potential relationship between us.

I have ordered a card and gift online to be sent to get in the next couple days as a sort of box-ticking exercise, I sent the "correct" response of "That's great news, congratulations!" when she told me, so sure has basically nothing to hold over my head now except the fact that I know this news and nobody else does.

Now, I'd love to chat to my other sister some time soon, but I'm not sure what to do if she's upset about the abuse she's been getting. Should I tell her if it will help her to feel better, eg. if HPD sis is still messing her around regarding this bridesmaid rubbish? Or should I keep it under my hood and let her vent and be a listening ear, perhaps it'll be enough just to reassure her I'll be turning down any nonsense role I'm invited to do?

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Leonor

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Re: HPD sister up to sth, what to expect?
« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2021, 07:10:04 PM »
Oh hpd. Nothing they love more than a great drama and they have the starring role!

Who cares what her ulterior motive is? Actually, that is the ulterior motive. Make them guess what I'm up to now! is the motive.

Wedding? Drama. Cancelled? Drama. Elopement? Drama.

You can almost see how she's using up every opportunity for drama. Engagements are dramatic: who's the lucky guy? What's the ring look like? 

But then it's ho hum, there's sis and her fiance. So ... wedding. That's drama! Where will it be? What does the dress look like? Who brings a plus one? Who sits where?

But then it's ho hum, because lots of people get married and frankly most people have fun at a wedding for maybe twenty minutes. So ... postpone! COVID! Pandemic! Oh poor sis can't get married, so thoughtful of her to postpone for the wellbeing of all, how generous!

But the world is postponed, so that fades away too. We're all postponing our life right now. So cancelled! What? Why cancelled? Did something happen? Is she all right?

But she really doesn't have a reason, so it's the vendors. Yawn, who cares about bridal vendors? So ... Elopement! Oh how romantic! How spur of the moment! How spontaneous! He must really love her!

Here's the thing with elopement: nobody else is there. There's no audience. How to make it dramatic?

SECRETS! Ooh, I love a good secret, it's like gossip but better because it's flattering and about MOI!

That's it. Now your job is to suck up all that sickly dramatic nonsense about how nobody knows and you are such a trusted confidante, and so you can not tell anyone and she will find another way to let people know and blame you, or you can tell and she will get a hayuge reaction from the family oh and it's also your fault so there's going to start a bug feud!

Back.

Away.

Slowly!