Figuring Out The Relationship

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Kat54

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Figuring Out The Relationship
« on: April 13, 2021, 01:13:44 PM »
A friend who Iíve know for many years and also in personal business with him. Our friendship has kind of started to change a little. It started out as business dealing as my financial advisor and heís been an enormous help during and since my divorce. Aside from business we talk a lot and heís come up for dinner to my house a couple times. The dinners started at his suggestion as he wanted to see my new home and I had some financial papers to sign. He came up a second time for dinner again financial business but I got the feeling it was more a good excuse to get together which I was fine with. He himself and his wife have split up and she moved pretty far away with one of their younger kids and he still has the older two who are in HS and college. They are separated but are not yet seeking a divorce. He said itís been amicable and he bought her the house she is living in currently and he goes there fairly frequently to see his daughter.
So this is the thing. Last time we got together it was nice, we talked a lot , had dinner I made...again. Heís lately had to go see his wife in the state she lives in a couple times, once their daughter was sick and getting treatment and then again at a holiday he drove down with his other daughter. I havenít seen him in about a month and a half but we have talked on the phone or texted. He said he really likes hanging out with me and enjoys my company and wants to come back to see me and go out to dinner.  It started stirring up some emotions for me and yeah I like him, heís nice, heís smart we enjoy the same things. Now Iím getting the feeling heís back tracking. We were supposed to get together after he came back home recently and heís busy, his week is packed with business stuff. He called me over the weekend and said maybe Iíll come up tonight and weíll go to dinner... but let me make sure my daughter is all set for the night. He calls back and says he canít come he and his daughter had been invited to a friends for dinner that he thought was likely going to get cancelled but was not so letís get together in a couple days. I text him yesterday about two days after speaking to him and said itís beautiful weather a great night to sit outside and have dinner and a little wine. He texts back, thatís sounds like fun, but his week is crazy, next week will be better.
It pissed me off, didnít answer for awhile and just said Iíll talk to you next week.
Heís ghosting me. And then I got all emotional and thought how dumb of me to get tangled up with someone that just isnít available it seems. But he keeps saying how much he likes being with me. And I get it heís got lots going on but donít mess with my head. Iím still trying to pick up the pieces from a divorce that literally shattered me. Maybe this is all a bad idea and I should tell him letís be friends and leave it at that. I canít get emotionally involved with someone whoí canít fit me into his schedule. But as I do I doubt myself and canít read people and maybe itís unintentional on his part but heís tugging on my emotions and I guess Iíll have to set some boundaries. I canít go down some rabbit hole and then get depressed. Am I over reacting to this?

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notrightinthehead

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Re: Figuring Out The Relationship
« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2021, 05:45:31 PM »
He is showing you the amount of contact he wants. Which seems to be less than you want. There seems to be a difference of the amount of closeness you are hoping for and he is hoping for.
When I feel that another person is backtracking I backtrack too. The last thing I want in my life is another hopeless relationship or one in which I give more than I get.
If I was in that position I would be grateful to him for showing me relatively clearly and kindly that he wants to spend less time with me and I would use my time to do something that I enjoy.
I can't hate my way into loving myself.