G from the FOG

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Empie2204

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G from the FOG
« on: May 11, 2021, 08:25:04 PM »

I was brought up in the atmosphere where material things and hard working are necessary but are surely not on top of everything. We had family celebrations, vacations, fun and lots of love.
My H´s FOO put material things and hard work on top of all tops. If there ever has been a workaholic family, it was this one! There were no birthday celebrations, Christmas and Easter were celebrated because it is a proper thing to do. Out of duty.
During my marriage both my H and me contributed a lot to our home. We were a schoolbook example of how FOO influences the mindset. We both worked and cared for our family. On two completely different levels.
What bothers me and does not allow guilt to go away is the extent and intensity with which my H contributed to our material wellbeing and I dared to leave him. (Hmmmm...)
Though I am a hardworking person, too, I still carry that guilt of leaving such a diligent person.
My mind knows that this is almost a martyrdom and hard to achieve for a normal person. Besides, WHY would anybody be so exhaustingly devoted?
Does anyone else know such kind of guilt?

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Hepatica

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Re: G from the FOG
« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2021, 06:24:43 PM »
Maybe it has to do with a world view that workaholism is considered a virtue? I no longer believe that. It is merely a ploy of capitalism, something that often makes a few rich people, richer,  and meanwhile millions of lives go on by tired, overworked and soul starved.  I think slowing down is a virtue and has the compassionate aspect of caring about our selves and this one earth we live on.

Perhaps look at your H's and his FOO and ask yourself, are they truly content and happy and spiritually fulfilled? I am with you. I do not believe material things and hard work are everything. Enjoying the simple aspects of life that cost nothing, like walking with a good friend, having tea, laughing, dancing, doing something nice for a neighbour, finding a creative outlet are keys to a happier and balanced life. And when you get old and look back, you'll wish you did far more of those things.
“There is a place in you where you have never been wounded, where there's
still a sureness in you, where there's a seamlessness in you, and where
there is a confidence and tranquility." John O'Donohue

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Empie2204

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Re: G from the FOG
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2021, 04:07:58 PM »
Thank you Hepatica for your answer and viewpoint. It helps a lot to see that some "normal" things are not normal at all.
You are right, my h and his FOO are not content, happy or fulfilled.
If I only could, I would like to abolish the verb "must"  ;)
I am learning to live a more relaxed life and trying to get rid of some bad habits.