Update - uBPD/NPD sister called

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guitarman

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Update - uBPD/NPD sister called
« on: August 17, 2021, 07:26:46 AM »
*** Trigger warning ***

Update.

My uBPD/NPD sister called me yesterday. I didnít answer the phone. She left a message on the answerphone. Weíve not had any contact since our elderly mother passed away nearly two years ago. I had cared for her for years.

I heard my sister sobbing saying that sheís ill and wanted me to contact her adult daughter. I put my fingers in my ears so that I couldnít hear the rest of her message and Iíve not played it back yet.

I was in a panic state sending me right back to all the dramas and crisis situations that Iíve witnessed over decades. She sounded so pathetic and in need.

Iím telling myself that I donít do ďidiot compassionĒ any more. My inner child wants to talk to her but my adult voice says that Iíve done enough and canít take any more abuse.

Her daughter obviously doesnít want to talk to her. Itís between them to sort out, not me. My sister used to frequently get me to intervene to get other family members to talk to her, that was before I realised what I was doing being trapped in the FOG.

Iím not doing well myself. Iím very depressed and have been taking antidepressants for a year. Coping with the pandemic alone has been difficult psychologically. Coping with bereavement has been difficult as well.

She sounded SO pathetic and helpless. Itís her usual tactic for getting money out of me. Iím such a sucker. She eventually threatens suicide if she doesnít get what she wants. Then I give in and give her what she wants for a quiet life. She can loudly rage hysterically as well for hours.

I thought I was doing well until this phone call. Now Iím a gibbering wreck. My mind goes into overdrive trying to protect me from harm. Panic stations. Make sure the front door is secure. It is. Make sure all the windows are closed. They are. Donít answer the door if she visits. I wonít.

This is ridiculous. I now seem so pathetic myself. My mind is saying ďWhat if? What if? What if?Ē all the time.

Iíve endured decades of abuse from her. Iíve told myself that Iím not going back to that ever again. Iíve had enough.

Adrenaline was surging around my body. My heart was beating fast. Fight, flight, faint, fawn or freeze may all happen. Iíve experienced all of those situations in the past.

Yesterday I thought I was going to have a normal boring, quiet day until she phoned me.

I have support from my siblings, they are not PD. None of us want to have her back in our lives. We are done.

She can appear to be SO loving and kind. Then she can change and be SO cruel and abusive, swearing, shouting and raging.

Her tactic is to love bomb people into submission. So often Iíve fallen for that tactic. Now Iím wise to that. Itís an easy trap for me to fall into, only to get hurt again time after time. Then will come the devalue and discard phase then the love bombing will start all over again. Iíve educated myself about what happens. I can recognise all the behaviours for what they really are. She can appear to be so sad and lonely. I can get hoovered in.

No doubt sheís found some other suckers to help her over the previous months. Sheís very good at finding new best friends whom she can pour her troubles onto, saying that sheís been a victim to get their sympathy and support. They donít know what sheís really like.

Iím telling myself that there is NOT going to be a new start of our relationship. I donít want to see or hear from her ever again. Iím trying to be strong and not relent but itís so difficult.

Iím so surprised that sheís not been on the phone to me every day during the pandemic complaining about all her physical health issues. Before the pandemic she would frequently complain about her lungs, saying that she couldnít breathe and coughing up blood. Every month she would have a new fatal illness.

Iíve not been active on the forum for nearly two years because I get triggered by all sorts of things. So I decided not to be so involved. I havenít been able to get to any mental health carers groups because they werenít meeting in person. I occasionally participated in a few Zoom meetings when I was capable.

Iíve not watched terrestrial television for nearly two years. I am careful about what I watch online. I get triggered by any sad news sending me into a spiral of outrage and uselessness. Any humanitarian atrocity upsets me greatly. I donít listen to the radio in case they talk about the news. Itís been difficult to avoid.

Iím so grateful about being double vaccinated but I am hypersensitive to coming across any people not wearing masks. I can get terrified. Not only of me getting infected by them but by me possibly passing anything onto them.

I had a restless night. I didnít get much sleep worrying about my sister. Iím a kind, loving, compassionate person. I tell myself that I need to be compassionate towards myself first. I need to put my needs first and not get abused over and over ever again.

I need to stay calm, strong and resilient. I need a whole army on my side to protect me from my sister. How sad am I?!

I recognise the symptoms of CPTSD. Ongoing turmoil and trauma over decades have taken their toll of my equilibrium. Now is the time to let her go but I canít forget what has happened. The body keeps score. I am living every day with pain from sciatica. It often flares up during stressful situations. I have to be so careful about what I do. Simple physical tasks can set it all off. It can be excruciatingly painful like sharp knives stabbing me in my lower back.

Iíve booked up to attend a couple of mental health support group meetings held online later today. I recognise that I need support.

Apologies for the long rant. It helps me to write things down. I know you all understand.

Best wishes to you all.

X
"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author

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blacksheep7

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Re: Update - uBPD/NPD sister called
« Reply #1 on: August 17, 2021, 11:02:03 AM »
I'm so sorry that you are going through this Guitarman.  It's been two years already, wow.  It's just normal behavior that she triggered you. Don't beat yourself up for that reaction after having been through that for years.  You worked so hard to go nc and did well, do not forget that. :yes:

I understand that the pandemic was hard cause I'm in the same boat.  I also got vaccinated but am afraid to socially do things, especially being 65 yrs old.  I lost friendships and the ones I have left hardly ever call or even less visit in my backyard when they live close by.  I am very anxious these days because of several factors, having been through difficult times in the past year. I used to self-medicate and do not anymore so it's another hill to climb.  All this just to say that I get what you are saying and feeling.   It's tough when we haven't learned our coping skills early in life.  Work in progress

Best wishes, take care of yourself and thanks for sharing :)
I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear.

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Bloomie

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Re: Update - uBPD/NPD sister called
« Reply #2 on: August 17, 2021, 11:19:37 AM »
Hi guitarman - I am so thankful you reached out and shared what you are experiencing. You are already past the first step of realizing this is a trauma response and actively speaking back to the inner critic and reclaiming the truth about who you are in this world.

Quote from: guitarman
Her tactic is to love bomb people into submission. So often Iíve fallen for that tactic. Now Iím wise to that. Itís an easy trap for me to fall into, only to get hurt again time after time. Then will come the devalue and discard phase then the love bombing will start all over again. Iíve educated myself about what happens. I can recognise all the behaviours for what they really are. She can appear to be so sad and lonely. I can get hoovered in.

You know the tactics. You recognize them and have done all you can to keep your sister, who is not a safe person for you, out and away from the balance and peace you are working to achieve in your life and relationships. That takes strength and determination. You are not going to be lured in again. You are safe! You are in full control of who does and does not have access to your life. It just may take your body and mind and a bit to begin to believe and cooperate with that truth.

We are here and understand this is very hard. Sending strength to you!



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Blueberry Pancakes

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Re: Update - uBPD/NPD sister called
« Reply #3 on: August 17, 2021, 04:12:16 PM »
Hi Guitarman - I think what you are feeling is very understandable. Please don't be hard on yourself. I think writing about it here or in personal journals is very helpful to sort it out. 

Certainly hearing from a sister you have been NC with for two years would likely stir up some feelings. Even seeing their phone number on caller ID makes my stomach clench, and the sound of their voice in a message echoes in my head. I always feel like my FOO puts out so much negative energy and it must land somewhere. I agree, the body keeps score. Your health and wellbeing are important.           
         
What comes across to me is how much clarity you have about this. You know how you feel. You know where your boundaries are. Great for you. Please be kind to yourself. I think perhaps the key aspect is not so much in what they have done, but rather how we choose to respond after such an event. You matter. 

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Hilltop

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Re: Update - uBPD/NPD sister called
« Reply #4 on: August 19, 2021, 09:15:15 AM »
I'm sorry you are going through all this.  After being NC for 2 years I can understand how traumatic it would be to out of the blue receive a phone call and message and on top of that its a message filled with drama.

The thing I got about the message is that she didn't call asking you to call her, which would be semi normal.  She called asking you to call her adult daughter, so your thoughts about this are correct.  She is trying to use you as a flying monkey to get her adult daughter to call her.  This is the drama and negativity you walked away from.

Even a friendly phone message would have been unsettling after all that time.  That's the thing these relationships trigger us and stir up all that negativity and it takes time to come back down from that.  Be gentle with yourself and be kind.

The thing is you already understand that the adrenaline is rushing through your body. You recognise the symptoms of CPTSD.  That is pretty awesome to have that awareness.  This means you can start to work on relaxing your body.  Its a start, what things have you done in the past that worked to relax that physical stress, start there.

It will take time but you have strong boundaries in place.  Watch out for that negative self talk because you were rattled by the phone call, I know I would have been rattled with a phone call like that, especially one that is out of the blue like this one was.  Its unsettling and does take time to return to feeling ok again.  Just remember that its ok to take that time for yourself.

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Adria

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Re: Update - uBPD/NPD sister called
« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2021, 01:12:31 PM »
Wow Guitarman, you are so strong and have so much wisdom and self -awareness in this situation.  I know you don't feel strong as many of us don't when we get a rogue phone call like that, but you are able to see it and call it for what it is.  I came across a quote not too long ago that said, "When the past comes calling, let it go to voicemail. It has nothing new to say."    Isn't that so true?

Maybe it would help to go for a walk or literally stand up and shake it off, spray the room with some good air freshener to change the vibe in the house. Anything, to get your body to come back down from the shock. 

Be patient and kind with yourself.  There is nothing wrong with how you reacted. That is normal under such a hard situation.   It sounds like you''ve got the worst of it behind you because you can clearly see it for what it is. It may just be time to learn some new self care strategies moving forward to ward off some of the effects as best you can.  Albeit easier said than done. It is definitely something we have to practice as they can be good at catching us off guard.  Hang in there and take care. :hug:

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nanotech

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Re: Update - uBPD/NPD sister called
« Reply #6 on: August 21, 2021, 11:16:49 AM »
My heart goes out to you guitarman.
Self -care is all important now. Keep strong.
Well done not getting into the triangulation. Thatís her stuff, not yours.

Itís the trauma bonding that makes us feel like reaching out whenever they get like this. We think we can Ďfixí things, then all will be better and our family will function., But itís a poisoned and rotten apple- donít take a bite.
Jerry Wise says to try and move away from feeling our reactions. He advocates not to respond emotionally, and to think of our family member as just an acquaintance. It helps to release the hold of years of enmeshment to think this way.

Weíre not obliged, to do anything, say anything, or even to feel upset and worry for that family member. Weíre also not obliged to feel any guilt or shame. Nope. Nada.
It took me a long time to get to this place. Youíve choices here, remember that.
Iím so sorry youíve not been on the site due to being triggered- me too sometimes! Take care and here are some hugs🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

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guitarman

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Re: Update - uBPD/NPD sister called
« Reply #7 on: August 26, 2021, 01:43:51 PM »
Thanks everyone for your replies. Iím feeling better today. Iíve taken part in several online mental health support groups and shared what has happened. We also did some Mindfulness meditations.

One person suggested that I block my sister on my landline. It hadnít even occurred to me to do that. So thatís an option I have. I never did it in the past because it would have ended up with her visiting me and her getting angry with me that I had blocked her. Sometimes there are simple options that we donít ever consider because we have been trained to accept the abuse. We dare not put in boundaries to protect ourselves in case that upsets the abuser!

Thank you for the quote ďWhen the past comes calling. Let it go to voicemail. It has nothing new to sayĒ. It really sums up what has happened and how I reacted. Iím pleased that I didnít respond.

I realise that I still have a long way to go in my recovery journey. I can get so easily triggered by seemingly innocuous things.

Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome needs to be more widely recognised and talked about. Iím glad to do what I can to raise awareness about it and will continue to do so.
"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author

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guitarman

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Re: Update - uBPD/NPD sister called
« Reply #8 on: August 28, 2021, 05:44:26 AM »
Iíve been listening to a narcissistic abuse recovery podcast and it all makes sense. Iím not able to follow everything as I have such a bad memory and poor concentration but certain things really helped me. I need to listen and follow several mentors as maintenance to continue my NC with my uBPD/NPD sister and not feel guilty about it. No wonder Iím so depressed as Iím also coping with bereavement and the pandemic doesnít help either!

The podcast explains why my body is trying to stay safe. Itís doing what it can to keep me away from any more danger. That explains a lot. Itís a trauma response. Iíve shut down. I canít take any more abuse. Iíve gone NC but my sister still rages in my head. I can barely function day to day. I may appear to others to be OK but Iím not. I put on a brave coping face, even laughing and joking. I keep a smile in my pocket and put it on around others.

Keep calm. Stay strong. Be safe. X
"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author

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nanotech

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Re: Update - uBPD/NPD sister called
« Reply #9 on: August 28, 2021, 06:37:40 PM »
That resonates with me. Itís my own experience too.
Abuse plants a toxic voice in our heads. Iíve got one too.
I can hear and feel their anger ( my Nbro and Nsis and various enablers and flying monkeys) at the NC. My actions are shocking to them.
Itís a formidable feeling.
But Iím stronger. 
I tell it to pipe down. I tell it itís got no power here, never did have, if Iíd only realised sooner.
Work in progress of course. I forgive myself if I lapse, and believe the things it says about me. But I do this less and less, and itís a wonderful feeling to shake off all of that unfair pressure, the guilt and shame they need to smear us with in order for them to feel better about themselves.

Guitarman, counter that raging with a smart,  ĎShut up!í
Then laugh, and ignore it.

Itís just a leftover aroma of a painful time, which you have now left.
Iím sending warm hugs and warm wishes.
« Last Edit: August 28, 2021, 06:43:20 PM by nanotech »

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guitarman

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Re: Update - uBPD/NPD sister called
« Reply #10 on: August 28, 2021, 08:12:39 PM »
Thanks.

X
"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author

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nanotech

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Re: Update - uBPD/NPD sister called
« Reply #11 on: August 28, 2021, 09:47:08 PM »
Now is the time to practise lots of self care.
Everyone on here respects you so much. Youíve helped us with your advice  over and over.
But thatís not the  only reason people on here care - they care because you matter, and you donít deserve to feel like this. 

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hhaw

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Re: Update - uBPD/NPD sister called
« Reply #12 on: August 28, 2021, 10:13:14 PM »
GM:

Reading your post... it almost seems like.... you're not sure you believe you're done witih "idiot" compassion.

Maybe you have unconscious beliefs...... requiring tending to...... with a good trauma informed T who can lead you through it with economy of motion?

It almost seems like you're worried your sister's presense and loud disordered opinions count more than the lessons you've learned, the truth you've accepted and thoughtful plans, you've put in place, for dealing with your pd sister.

The panic is reactivity, btw.  You body and brain pathways' default setttings when anything PD sis pops up.

It's a biochemical hijack.... nothing you can control.  It only gets worse when one attemtps to think their way out of it, IME.

There are ways to sneak up underneath the biochemical hijack and unhook it.....to activate your parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) so your fight or flight mode can be turned off.

Deep breathing...
4 seconds in...
hold 4 seconds....
out 4 seconds is a good start, IME.

You can push on doorjambs with all your might while thinking about your breathing.  The body wants to ACT when in fight or flight.... sometimes we can't even breathe our way out, so this can be very helpful.

Noticing the neutral feeling places in your body and breathing into them... focused on them.

Noticing the pain/pressure/tension in the body and breathing into it.  Put adjectives to it..... burning?  Throbbing?  Give it a number from 1 to 10, 10 being unbearable.  Breathe into it for 10 breaths, while focusing on the pain...... then check it. If it's getting better, continue breathing into it and checking it till it's gone or stops improving.

If it stops improving, focus on a neutral part of your body for a while...... then check your surroudings.  Notice the colors and shapes arond you.  Notice the sounds and scents.  Notice the space above, beside and below you. 

I always felt better when I breathed that spaciousness INTO the pain in my body.... usually chest, throat or back area, in my case.

With practice, the ability to be SO very KIND to yourself....
by dropping all judgment and replacing it with curiosity.....one can learn to create a moment or 2 BEFORE the reactivity takes us into fight or flight.

it creates a small space where choice lives.

Learning to create those few seconds to choose is about shifting from reactivity and fight or flight and changing it into the ability to be more responsive..... avoiding the chemical hijack and distress...... finding there's joy in those spaces and it's been there all the time.

We just forgot it was there.

Keep breathing, GM.

You deserve to put up healthy boundaries and you're obligated to enforce them, IMO.

You don't need anyone's permission and approval
but
your
own.

It's going to be OK.

I promise.

hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Nietchzsche

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt

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Adria

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Re: Update - uBPD/NPD sister called
« Reply #13 on: August 29, 2021, 11:40:56 AM »
Guitarman,

This is a super great video from Jerry wise called "Stopping Reactions with Emotional Circuit Breakers." I've listened to it several times and every time, I hear something new and profoundly helpful. It is a video I have to listen to periodically to keep myself in check. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxt4OwbF2Fk

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Sheppane

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Re: Update - uBPD/NPD sister called
« Reply #14 on: August 29, 2021, 06:49:33 PM »
So sorry you are experiencing this. You have so much awareness that your trauma/ CPSTD has been  triggered and yet we all know how horrid it is to be right in the middle of that place .

Your body has an intelligence which is speaking to you in the form of the physical discomfort/ panic response....it is an internal warning system and it is trying to keep you safe. I think it is so hard when stuck in that place to hear what my body is trying to communicate ..coz I'm am so focused on getting rid of these horrible sensations.  What helps me is to honour it in some way and thank it for showing up and doing its job trying to protect me. The reason it is shouting so loud is because the threat is REAL. After that period of NC and this episode of hoovering your body is quite rightly going into full on all out emergency mode.

You spoke about you sister seeming sad and lonely, and how you thought you were done with  idiot compassion. Thats always the hook right there, the appeal to our compassion. I used to think of this in black and white ways - she is sounding sad and lonely ( evokes compassion in me ...leads to feelings of guilt , sadness , general FOG) or she is sounding sad and lonely ( is she putting this on as a trick / a hoover etc etc ). Either way , my approach now is more " yes she may be sad and lonely " BUT. As in this may also be true that she feels sad sad lonely but it is still 1) not my responsibility to take it on and 2) not my responsibility to fix.
So I do not need to feel guilty about it. I also don't need to overthink it. Sure I can feel sad for her that her choices about her life have lead her to the feelings she has - but leave it there. It can be a very subtle way of sliding back into that headspace of FOG otherwise.
 And you know where that leads.
The trauma from these relationships causes us to experience these periods of self doubt from time to time. Catch it and send it on its way. Sometimes I find it necessary to look back over journals to remember just how bad it was. The passage of time sometimes puts a hazy glow on things especially when your compassion is being triggered.
To be fully compassionate in this situation IMO means being compassionate to yourself first and foremost. No more. I read somewhere recently that sometimes the kindest , most spiritual thing we can do for everyone is a fearless " no". That is true compassion for both of you. An abusive relationship is an abusive relationship. You have got great advice from others here already.
Sending strength.

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guitarman

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Re: Update - uBPD/NPD sister called
« Reply #15 on: August 30, 2021, 05:20:32 AM »
**** Trigger warning ****

Thanks everyone. I really value your experiences, support and opinions. We are not alone.

Iím doing OK(ish). I get triggered by lots of things. I suppose it will take a long time not to be, if ever. NOT being in contact and NOT hearing all about my uBPD/NPD sisterís constant pleas for help, her imagined fatal illnesses and death dramas is my new normal. Itís taking time to adjust. She still has the potential to be in contact or appear suddenly so Iím not fully detached yet. I still am very wary.

Being around my sister was like being next to someone who could jump off a cliff at any time. I could never relax in case she tried to or threatened to. It still feels like that although sheís not here. Itís the FOG ties that still bind me to her. Its the remnants of her that still remain to haunt me.

Being the rescuer, the problem solver, the calm consoler all my life takes time to change. Iím conscious about NOT doing that with other people. Iíd rather be a lighthouse than a lifeboat ever again. Others may perceive that as not caring but they donít always know my history. Itís about putting in boundaries to care for myself.

I have visions of my sister shouting and screaming. She would visit shaking with fear and anxiety about her financial problems. She would collapse in a foetal position wailing and sobbing until she got what she wanted. If she didnít she would shout about how she was going to end her life as she said she had no one who cared for her and so whatís the point of living. I live with those memories constantly. Itís all trauma.

No one else really understands what it has been like, unless they have experienced this for themselves. All the time I was trying to protect our elderly, frail parents from her abusive behaviour. They have both since passed away. More trauma.

I keep saying to myself that I never want to see or hear from my sister ever again and that she is just someone that I used to know. It gets easier every time I say it out loud.

I feel compassion for her. Iím glad that I still do but I have to remind myself that I have to be compassionate for my own mental and physical wellbeing first and honour that. I matter too. I remind myself that you donít have to set yourself on fire in order to keep someone else warm. I learnt that from this forum.

I have learnt to replace ďshouldĒ, ďcouldĒ, ďmustĒ or ďneed toĒ with ďwant toĒ. What do I ďwant toĒ do? The answer is usually ďdonít do anything, youíve already done enoughĒ.

I could go on and on so Iíll stop here. I have support and talk about my feelings more that I ever did years ago. Itís good to talk.

X
"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author

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notrightinthehead

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Re: Update - uBPD/NPD sister called
« Reply #16 on: August 31, 2021, 04:00:25 AM »
So glad that you are breaking the silence. And so good to read that you are taking care of yourself.
I can't hate my way into loving myself.

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nanotech

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Re: Update - uBPD/NPD sister called
« Reply #17 on: August 31, 2021, 11:29:21 AM »
 Your words;

ďI feel compassion for her. Iím glad that I still do but I have to remind myself that I have to be compassionate for my own mental and physical wellbeing first and honour that. I matter too. I remind myself that you donít have to set yourself on fire in order to keep someone else warm. I learnt that from this forum.Ē
 
Yes. 100per cent.
 And when we withdraw the darn idiot compassion, thatís when we are actually showing true compassion both for ourselves,and actually for the abusive  sibling too.  We stop enabling their behaviour.
 Itís true that they may search for someone else to fill the gap we leave, but thereís a chance we stop it, either partially or entirely. Then they must look to their own responsibilities at least a little bit.

In my view it simply helps everybody, even though it doesnít feel good AT ALL and can feel very VERY painful.
BUT it does get easier!
As Jerry Wise says, we need always to stay on our side of the tennis net. 😎

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guitarman

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Re: Update - uBPD/NPD sister called
« Reply #18 on: August 31, 2021, 04:29:25 PM »
Thanks for your reply.

I can remember my uBPD/NPD sister shouting ďWE ARE FAMILY!Ē. In other words we are supposed to take all her abuse over and over again because she is related to me. No! Not any more. I wouldnít accept it from anyone else.

I accidentally deleted her answer phone message she left last week. I hadnít played it back. I donít know why I was keeping it. So Iíve done myself a favour by getting rid of it. Well done me!

Iíve been for a long walk down by the river near me with one other non PD sibling and their small children. We didnít mention our sister ONCE! Usually what she has recently said or done dominates our conversation. I purposely didnít mentioned that she had rang me recently.

It does feel like the elephant in the room that we donít talk about but we know how each of us feels about her.

I suppose I shall be free of her torment when I realise that I no longer think about her.
"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author

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guitarman

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Re: Update - uBPD/NPD sister called
« Reply #19 on: September 05, 2021, 11:32:29 AM »
I saw this online today and I can identify with it.

ďWhen you cut off someone from your life, they will never tell people the full story, they will only tell them the part that makes you look bad and them innocent.Ē
"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author