Not feeling safe

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Bunnyme1

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Not feeling safe
« on: October 08, 2021, 05:19:14 PM »
I wrote about how I responded to his uninvited visit to my house with a short, to the point message.  The response I received was delusional at best.  I know that is to be expected.  However, he mentions things that scare me, like how he knows I want him dead and makes mention of suicidal ideation.  Part of me wants to chalk it up to run of the mill PD behavior, but it has my anxiety up.  He has not been physically violent directly to me, though he has to others and has broken things when mad at me before.  I did forward it to my attorney, but I cant shake feeling scared.  I want to say he'd never, but especially if he is on meth again, I dont know.  He is also diagnosed bipolar.  Stupidly, I already responded simply saying I disagreed, but would see him tomorrow.  Now I worry that doesnt show how frightened I am and I messed up.

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11JB68

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Re: Not feeling safe
« Reply #1 on: October 08, 2021, 06:30:29 PM »
"he mentions things that scare me, like how he knows I want him dead and makes mention of suicidal ideation"
Do you feel unsafe for you or on his behalf?
Can you call police or someone to do a wellness check on him?
If for no other reason then in future he will know you take those statements seriously

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Boat Babe

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Re: Not feeling safe
« Reply #2 on: October 08, 2021, 06:48:50 PM »
Hey Bunnyme, have you got someone IRL that you can confide in and lean on right now? If you have, then that's what you need.

I'd see this as manipulative, maladaptive behaviour in on his part, specially in if he's doing meth. All sorts of fucked up going on here, sweetheart.Please don't get pulled back into crazy.

If you need inspiration, read The Journey by Mary Oliver, a short and mind-blowing be poem about just your predicament.

Much love.
It gets better. It has to.

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Bunnyme1

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Re: Not feeling safe
« Reply #3 on: October 08, 2021, 08:13:12 PM »
11JB68, both? Neither?  I dont know.  It is likely manipulation, but the drug aspect makes it tougher to tell. 
Boat Babe, I do, thanks.  I have been over-posting as of late.  I havent gotten to the point where I can brush it off.  Venting helps me to sort out my feelings.  Perhaps I should get a journal (besides where I record factual documentation).  Sometimes it is hard to sort out what is really dangerous and what is just my anxiety

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square

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Re: Not feeling safe
« Reply #4 on: October 08, 2021, 09:40:20 PM »
The meth is particularly concerning. People may do things on meth that they never would otherwise.

Good that you cobtacted your lawyer.

Think about your security measures.

Have phone with you at all times, even when you get up to pee at 1am.

Check to see if your phone has a quick Emergency button. If not, consider always switching to keypad when you sleep the screen so itís right there.

Install Ring doorbell. Change locks if he ever had a key. Ensure windows are closed and locked.

Practice situational awareness when out of your house. Be alert when you arrive at work or other places he knows/guesses youíll be.

:(

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pushit

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Re: Not feeling safe
« Reply #5 on: October 10, 2021, 02:41:38 AM »
I have some firm opinions on this, but I want to start off by saying that if you're ever in a situation where you're not safe get out of there and/or call the police.  And please think ahead and don't place yourself in a situation that is not safe.  If your ex is using meth and bi-polar this is not a time to play games with your safety.

That said - If I were you, I'd first make sure that all communication is in writing.  No more meeting in person, no more phone calls.  PDs love to operate in the he said/she said world where nothing can be confirmed, once everything is written down they magically start behaving rationally.

Then I would install a Ring doorbell, Nest cameras watching all angles of your house, and a security system.  Feel free to let him know about all this.  If he were to stop by, he'd likely be friendly, and if not it's documented.  My exPDw has been extremely friendly on my doorstep because she knows about the cameras.   8-)

Regarding the suicidal ideations - I'd make it clear to him that once he tells you something like that you're going to reach out to the authorities, his family, whomever, and let them deal with it.  Make it clear it's not your problem, and follow through on it.  The PD wants you to feel like you're the only person that can fix things.  Nope.  If someone is contemplating suicide there are professionals out there who are trained to deal with this.  That's who he needs to speak with, not you.  ​Pass your ex on to them, they are best suited to deal with this.  Lift that burden from your shoulders.

This all may sound harsh and matter of fact, but the reality is PDs want to back us into the corner of being their caretaker, and they'll escalate until they get you to conform.  Remove yourself from that corner and force them to start being accountable for their actions. 




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Bunnyme1

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Re: Not feeling safe
« Reply #6 on: October 10, 2021, 11:13:08 AM »
Very true.  Thanks for the advice.  I have the ring doorbell, but am going to hardwire it in.  Right now, I have to take it down to charge. 
They can just be so infuriating!  The rest of his message was a mix of compliments and lies about how I dont allow him to see the kids.  And to any outsider, an ex showing up to drop something off is no big deal.  With him, everything is calculated.

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Bunnyme1

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Re: Not feeling safe
« Reply #7 on: October 13, 2021, 02:31:06 AM »
Now he has a complete change of tune, ever since he lied and his flying monkeys caught him.  Talk of model behavior, asking for forgiveness, etc.  Thanks to this group, I'm not falling for it.  Actions speak louder than words

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Boat Babe

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Re: Not feeling safe
« Reply #8 on: October 13, 2021, 05:18:21 AM »
Yeah, amazing that.  You stay strong and we have your back.
It gets better. It has to.

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Simon

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Re: Not feeling safe
« Reply #9 on: October 13, 2021, 08:37:06 AM »
Now he has a complete change of tune, ever since he lied and his flying monkeys caught him.
Wow, he really is playing games with you, isn't he?
Get ready for another 180 when he realises his current tactics aren't working.

Glad you're not falling for it.

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DetachedAndEngaged

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Re: Not feeling safe
« Reply #10 on: October 17, 2021, 04:47:29 PM »
Meth + bipolar is a very dangerous combination.

I had a bipolar + BPD ex-girlfriend who had never shown the slightest violent tendencies come home in an absolutely rage, drunk one night after I had made it clear I wasn't going to take any more crap from her.

Long story short, she trashed the apartment, almost killed my cat and I was lucky to get out of there without a scratch on me (or my cat) and before the cops were called. Only saw her for a few minutes after that (with a female friend there as a witness) in order to grab a few things.

I'd ensure he doesn't have a key to your place that works. Be prepared for the worst.