Give me strength

[Boat Babe]

This is a vent, and other than extreme frustration, I'm fine.

This Christmas, a very generous friend is letting me have her house for a week. It's a lovely house in a pretty village. With her agreement, I have invited my mother to spend three days with me there. I have told her that I will pick her up from hers  (200 mile round trip) so no stress with the train. I will do all the cooking  I will take her to our lovely country pub. I will take her to the church service of her choice on Xmas day. The alternative is Christmas in her teeny tiny studio apartment in town and her godawful food that she hates cooking anyway. It's beyond depressing and we now have a viable and much nicer alternative.

She rang this evening and I wanted to talk about the plan a bit more. Cue: full metal waif. She can't come because she might sleep badly. If she sleeps badly she will have absent siezures all morning. Every kind and rational thing I said was deflected by more terrible things that would happen if the woman was driven to an extremely comfortable country retreat and waited on hand and foot by her daughter.
Gargh, just gargh.

Thanks for reading.

[Andeza]

Heaven forbid she have a pleasant Christmas! Then there wouldn't be anything to complain about and be a martyr over...

Eh, you're a much nicer, kinder, loving, and patient person than I am, Boat Babe. Good luck whatever happens.

[moglow]

So ... You get a peaceful lovely Christmas retreat all to yourself? Perhaps a brief "wishing you the joy of the season" call before immersing yourself back into the peace of your trip? 

[wisingup]

Sorry Boat Babe - it sounds like she'd rather be in control & miserable, then let loose a bit & allow some happiness in.

I'm experiencing a bit of the same from my mom re Thanksgiving.  As a bit of background, I ALWAYS host Thanksgiving with the exception of last year due to the pandemic.

A month ago - "You guys (my brother and I) need to figure out Thanksgiving and make sure I'm included." 
                           "OK mom - we're doing the usual, we'll drive you back & forth to my house"

3 weeks ago (after my brother's cancer diagnosis) - "I can't come to Thanksgiving - I'm too upset about your brother"
                                                                                           "OK, whatever you want"

Last week - "I want to come, but it's too big of a hassle for you to pick me up - I'll just stay home if you want"
                     "We're planning to come & get you, like we already said"

We all know that the final result will be that we will have Thanksgiving at my place as always and she will be picked up and dropped off at her apartment.  I don't know why we have to go through these other mini-dramas, other than her hoping we'll beg & plead for her company.

[Cat of the Canals]

So ... You get a peaceful lovely Christmas retreat all to yourself? Perhaps a brief "wishing you the joy of the season" call before immersing yourself back into the peace of your trip? 

My thoughts exactly. "Oh, you really can't come? WHAT A PITY."

[moglow]

It was hard the first time I did it, I'll admit. Md'd decline whatever I suggested so I finally kept going without her and without overthinking it. I was over the excuses and explanations and woe is me, and started making plans with friends or on my own. She stopped showing any interest at all after a while.

Truth be told, holidays with mother were miserable and had been for a very long time. She had some vision in her mind what it was supposed to be and would inevitably have some sort of meltdown over something "wrong" or missing.

[Sneezy]

They *say* they want entertainment and pampering and our undivided attention, but that's not what they really want.  What they want is something to complain about.  Go without her and turn your phone off and enjoy every minute!

[Amadahy]

Can I come to your lovely retreat?! 

"Well, mom, sorry you're not comfortable with coming.  I hope you have a lovely holiday."

Enjoy!!  xoxo

[SunnyMeadow]

How about we all meet you there?  A delightful time without drama and a lovely country pub? Yes please!

It's too bad your mother has to put you through all this nonsense before the actual day. I'll be interested to hear if she ends up going. If not, have a lovely time!

[moglow]

 

[Boat Babe]

I would love to have you all round for Christmas 🎄🎄🎄

[square]

Is there any chance another move is coming? Like changing her mind at the last minute and demanding you flutter around in a panic to make it work?

[Boat Babe]

Oh, anything is possible. She has a track record of Xmas dysfunction. One year she threw all the food away the morning I was driving down. I had to buy Xmas food from the motorway service station. I can't tell you how jolly and merry that was.

[p123]

Oh, anything is possible. She has a track record of Xmas dysfunction. One year she threw all the food away the morning I was driving down. I had to buy Xmas food from the motorway service station. I can't tell you how jolly and merry that was.

You mean the turkey and xmas dinner food?

[p123]

This is a vent, and other than extreme frustration, I'm fine.

This Christmas, a very generous friend is letting me have her house for a week. It's a lovely house in a pretty village. With her agreement, I have invited my mother to spend three days with me there. I have told her that I will pick her up from hers  (200 mile round trip) so no stress with the train. I will do all the cooking  I will take her to our lovely country pub. I will take her to the church service of her choice on Xmas day. The alternative is Christmas in her teeny tiny studio apartment in town and her godawful food that she hates cooking anyway. It's beyond depressing and we now have a viable and much nicer alternative.

She rang this evening and I wanted to talk about the plan a bit more. Cue: full metal waif. She can't come because she might sleep badly. If she sleeps badly she will have absent siezures all morning. Every kind and rational thing I said was deflected by more terrible things that would happen if the woman was driven to an extremely comfortable country retreat and waited on hand and foot by her daughter.
Gargh, just gargh.

Thanks for reading.

Been there. Done that.

One week I get "I've not seen a "soul" for days and days". (dramatic much?)
I'll invite him out a week later, all done for him, wheelchair, etc etc. "no I don't feel up to it".

I used to feel bad about it now I just think "suit yourself".

[Boat Babe]

Oh, anything is possible. She has a track record of Xmas dysfunction. One year she threw all the food away the morning I was driving down. I had to buy Xmas food from the motorway service station. I can't tell you how jolly and merry that was.

You mean the turkey and xmas dinner food?

Nothing as nice as that. She had bought a ton of frozen buffet nibbles (I know) to go in the microwave (I know). I had offered to shop and cook but that had been turned down because mess (I know). Anyway, she turned the freezer off at the plug the night before (who does that?) and threw the partially defrosted frozen food away. This was Xmas morning. That's bonkers right?  I'm amazed I'm sane sometimes.

[moglow]

🤦🤦🤦

[SunnyMeadow]

Wow, I'm amazed you're sane too Boat Babe   

[Boat Babe]

You're all beautiful people.☺️

[Sneezy]

I was thinking of all you beautiful people last night    Mom complains that she never sees her grandchildren.  Two of them have flown cross-country to see her for a few days.  Last night, we were all together for dinner at my house.  My niece and nephew (Mom's grandchildren), along with my two children, were all playing old-school video games and we adults were loving every minute of watching our "children" (all in their twenties and thirties) act like little kids again.  Except for mom.  She got bored and phoned a friend    I was about ready to take her phone away but my daughter noticed and told me to let it go.