Holiday roll call

[serenitycalm]

Hugs to all.

I don't do holiday decorations for my own little apartment but I do surely enjoy decorations that others residential and commercial put up. I enjoy seeing our shared celebrations of hope and light.

My small extended family (adult son, and my boyfriend) is doing reasonably well, especially amidst pandemic. I don't have to fuss about buying presents for them. I give what $ I can to my son, even $50 can make a difference.

I've been happily humming holiday music. I don't burden myself with any "shoulds" during this time. If I want to lounge and read on a holiday - that is just lovely and fine.

I'm navigating the troubled waters of my survivors guilt concerning one of my sisters. She doesn't sound well. I believe that she needs to check in with physical and mental health care. I believe that she needs to stop giving money to con artists. I also know that this is not my circus. I've emailed her some resources, including the phone number for local crisis hot line. I can tell her what has worked for me. Otherwise I have to let this go.

I recently had some trauma flashbacks from reading an email from my sister. I was able to apply all my coping skills and then figure how (if at all) I wanted to respond. I feel good about my response. My sister may choose to add me to her growing list of supposed dark forces that she believes are attacking her. Nothing I can do about that.

Here is the real world, I know that if something she writes sounds very alarming, I can call local authorities and ask for a welfare check. Nothing is to that level yet. My sister appears high functioning even with all her distorted thinking and challenges.

So, I have some holiday wobblies. And I am doing okay. I'm able to find some humor daily. And I am grateful for what I do have.

Best wishes to all.

[moglow]

Hey Coyote23, thx so much for this thread - the wobblers seem to be gathering, helping each other find their center [or at least a more stable off-center].

My coping is somewhat different but it seems to help. I do in-home petsitting, go to them so it's a combined house/petsit. Some houses I like better than the pets and vice versa, but they all need care plus I get cash $$! Holiday travel varies but my clients book out well in advance to make sure I'm available when they need me. It does help break the routine, since there's the variety of pets and personalities. I have my own purries at home and they're much more independent than dogs, so I can tag in with them every other day while I'm sitting elsewhere and all is still well. They'll just cling like crazy for a few days once I unpack at home.

This year I'll actually be at home for Christmas, and as of next week will be boarding another kitty through Dogs on Deployment [https://www.dogsondeployment.org/], and will have him until the end of February. This one will likely be a repeat boarder, since his mom has a split duty rotation and is stationed not too far from me. That "visit" will be all voluntary and unpaid, but I like being able to keep a family together by boarding a purry child while their service mom or dad is deployed. If you have the time or space, I can highly recommend them whether for a dog, cat or mixed family of pets. Those homecomings are such good stuff and we all need more of that. [Plus the distraction of a visitor like that helps ease the holiday angst for everyone.] It's a different kind of volunteering that works so well with my life and heart!

[Poison Ivy]

I've never heard of the program that arranges pet care for service members, Moglow. Thank you for mentioning it and for doing it!

[moglow]

This will be my fourth DoD kitty, Poison Ivy! There's somewhat of a background check plus questionnaires before being approved as a boarder, then you can go online and see what pets need a place to stay or the service members can contact you themselves through DoD website.

The first one I fell all in love with but she got very aggressive towards one of my boys, so it made it easier for her to go back home when mom's deployment ended. Her mom was going to the desert for six months [and got extended due to issues there], so the deployments vary. Flexibility on the homefront helps!

But hey, it helps me and the pet parents as well, so we're all good!!

[1footouttadefog]

I just got the house setup and declutteres after flip flopping much of the contents from up to down and visa versa.  Then had company for today weekend and not it's neat again and I am resisting the call to do Christmas decorations.

I told the kids we were going to get rid of at least half of what we have and go shopping for some new grown up things.  Alot of what we have welas given to us by clients and people from where my pdh worked and relatives etc.  Alot was used and aging when we got it and it's time for a reset. 

I do like my tree, got a new one a couple years ago.  Bought a new skirt for it a while back. 

Hoping a reset with things my now college kids pick will be more in nspiring.  I am be etween churches so will miss being in a choir.

Shopping , yikes it's already getting late. 

[1footouttadefog]

I need fudge and popcorn balls.

[moglow]

1foot, if you were here I'd hook you up! One of our patients brings an assortment of munchy yummies every year and she's very generous with it. My last few moves I downsized then downsized some more, have so little to decorate with. BUT I have cats to it kind of limits the possibilities. One of them thinks everything is her toy and I have no desire to rescue Christmas trees for the next three weeks!

I do need to hunt down some indestructible but festive things for the house, thx for mentioning that!

[1footouttadefog]

I have a new cat this year.  He just had his big boy day at the vets office and is recovering. 

I had not even thought about Christmas with a young cat.  Mercy. 

This will be fun. 

[Kat54]

Thanks for this! This year, 2nd year post divorce is way different from last year. Very wobbly last year, in my new house so unfamiliar place trying to make it my own in a town where I didn't know anyone, an hour away from my family. I felt isolated and pretty depressed but trying to be happy and grateful to have my own home away from my crazy ex.
This year way different,  hosted a Thanksgiving holiday in my newly renovated kitchen with most of my family and my two kids. It was so nice to not feel tense and waiting for the drama shoe to drop. My ex was notorious for ruining holidays. You couldn't even look forward to a holiday with him.
And a big plus, my kids had a great day, felt relaxed, they we're helpful. It's the way a holiday should be and I was over the moon happy. Last year they went out to dinner with my ex, and the kids were not happy doing that. We have a big family, lots of cousins they are close to on my side so it was always a tradition one of my siblings hosted Thanksgiving.
The only thing I feel bad about is now my two kids have to deal with him and his sour moods over the holidays.

[Coyote23]

I think someone mentioned new recipes, and I think I want to find some. A lot of the traditional things I eat on the holidays is stuff from my FOO and it either isn't that good to me, or it is good but makes me sad.

Is anyone going to try something new? Or something unconventional?

I also want to find a perfect coffee cake recipe, but I'm probably overthinking it.

[Boat Babe]

Morrocan food!  Their food is just LOVELY and very easy to cook. It's all in the spice mix and wonderful combinations of flavours. 

[Andeza]

If you have a cat, I recommend a "Christmas wall tree." Just search it and you should get a lot of great pictures. I did one last year because of kitties and the toddler. This year we have a pine bough (fake) up high because same issues persist and we have no open wall space.

[Coyote23]

Morrocan food!  Their food is just LOVELY and very easy to cook. It's all in the spice mix and wonderful combinations of flavours. 

Yum. Long ago and far away I studied Middle Eastern Dance (belly dance) and danced in a Moroccan restaurant.

Do you have a tagine on the boat?

[Boat Babe]

No but I use my granny's cast iron casserole. Works a treat.

[11JB68]

I think I might try roasting artichokes

[JustKat]

Thank you so much for this thread. I really need this forum right now.

Christmas is going to be pretty depressing for me, mostly because I'm emotionally overwhelmed with new revelations about my family. I found out a few months ago that my enFather died (NPDmother died five years earlier). I found out by spying on my sister's social media page. She had no intention of telling me, and it became clear that she planned on ignoring her fiduciary duties as his trustee. Subsequently, I hired an attorney who sent her a very non-threatening letter reminding her that she has a deadline to perform these duties. She's now having a public meltdown that is actually making my NPD mother look like a saint. She's smearing me all over social media with horrific lies about what a monster I am.

I can deal with being smeared. What I'm having trouble dealing with is the realization that my sister has completely turned on me. We had been in friendly contact until my mother's death, now I don't recognize who she is. She's become my Nmother on steroids. So the toughest thing for me this year is coming to terms with the hard truth that I'll never see my siblings again. They both think the worst of me and there's no point in even trying to reach out to them. When family members have fallen victim to a smear campaign, game over, they're not coming back. I always knew there was a chance it would end that way, but I never imagined my sister would become a full-blown raging narc.

So I'm going into Christmas with all this trauma. I'm married, no children. I'll be at home with my husband on Christmas Day. Our marriage has been rocky for years and is more of a roommate situation at this point. He tries to be as supportive as he can but just doesn't get what I'm going through and really doesn't want to hear about it. From what I've read here, it seems that many of us have husbands who don't want to hear about it. I need the support of people who truly get it, and those people are right here.

As for Christmas day, I'm in a warm climate so will try to get outside and hopefully run into some of my wonderful neighbors. I live in a truly amazing neighborhood where everyone is close, many retired without children at home, so we all spend time together walking our dogs and chatting. My neighborhood is my happy place.

Thank you for giving me a place to vent. I feel so much better just letting that all out. Sending you all hugs of gratitude. I'm so grateful for all of the kindness and encouragement I've received from everyone in this forum.

[JustKat]

I am coming off anti depressants after 20+ years and so far so good.

Congratulations, Boat Babe. That's quite an accomplishment. I'm wishing you all the best with it.

I've been on benzos for over twenty years because I react very badly to anti-depressants. It's not the preferred treatment for severe anxiety but after trying every medication known to man, it remains the only thing that works. The good news is that I've managed to reduce my dose quite a bit, which is a huge accomplishment. I'll never be free of my anxiety, but it seems to have become more manageable, so I'm doing something right.

We're doing good! 

[Boat Babe]

Good to hear that Kathy.

[1footouttadefog]

I just mopped the living room in preparation for bringing the tree in. 

It has taken along time but I am now ready.  I plan to listen to Christmas music and eat Moose Munch and wrap gifts untilbtuebwee hours and bake tomorrow. 

I made a hard to make visit yesterday and it went well and that is behind me now and a burden is lifted.

[moglow]

Moose munch 🥰  that'll take the edge off most anything and make a good day better! Someone brought us homemade caramel popcorn today - dunno how they did it but it's crunchy and wonderful!! (Glad the hard stuff is done.)