what age did u know parents were not normal?

[Jolie40]

I was 6

[Boat Babe]

By 10 I reckon. Was quite isolated so it was hard to discern. I knew I was unhappy from very young

[Hilltop]

My teenage years maybe around 12-14 years old.

[Cat of the Canals]

I was about six as well. I didn't know it overtly, but I knew there were things I couldn't tell PDmom.

[DaisyGirl77]

About 6 for me, too.  That's when I started realizing that my family wasn't like So-&-So's or the families depicted in the books we read in school.

[Amadahy]

I knew when baby sis was born.  I was four. 

[feralcat]

Honestly, I didn't realise they weren't normal.
Like Boat Babe says, I was pretty isolated as a child. And very lonely.
I thought it was me. I decided I was odd and unlovable.

My answer is ....60. When my darling M took great glee in making me have a panic attack. For daring to care for her when she was recuperating from an injury. Not a great experience, but it made me remember having felt that way before. As a child.
Then I started thinking, and reading, and arrived here. The FOG began to clear.

[lavalove]

4 for my mother.  For my dad, as a baby or before I was born.  That might sound weird but was told I cried whenever he held me.   A former therapist noted that we can react to trauma that takes place prior to our verbal development.

[JustKathy]

I would say my early teens. I remember my Nmother scapegoating me when I was very young but I thought it was normal because I had nothing to compare it to. When I hit puberty the sabotage got really bad and I realized something was very wrong with her.

It took a lot longer to realize that my enFather wasn't normal. I made excuses for him until I was well into my forties. I guess I didn't want to believe that they were both rotten.

[Jolie40]

A former therapist noted that we can react to trauma that takes place prior to our verbal development.

yes!
I've even read we can be affected by trauma that happened while we were still in the womb


a traumatic event happened to me when I was 6
knew then that I couldn't trust PD parent & enabler
knew then that they'd never be on my side

they never were, either


however, I had a grandma who was always kind to me
plus a babysitter, teachers & adult neighbors who helped shape me

[Hattie]

About 30... until then I thought it was me the was the problem

[Andeza]

23... uBPDm did something absolutely horrible trying to punish enDad for leaving... when she was the one that kicked him out. I guess he was supposed to fight her over it and try to stay but that backfired in a big way. I was an only child, no friends, very little outside exposure to other people's families, and the sitcoms on TV kinda had me thinking the crazy was normalish.

It took me until 28 to come Out of the FOG.

[DaisyGirl77]

I knew when baby sis was born.  I was four.

4 for my mother.  For my dad, as a baby or before I was born.  That might sound weird but was told I cried whenever he held me.   A former therapist noted that we can react to trauma that takes place prior to our verbal development.

I was debating on whether to say that age for me in my earlier post before settling on 6ish.  My reasoning for that was seeing others interact with their families made it objectively clear to me that mine was the exception, not the norm.  I knew my family wasn't normal prior to that age, & really, when my sister was born I noticed the difference in treatment we both had almost immediately, but I needed that outside view to really hammer it home. :/

Lavalove, I had the exact same reaction you did to your dad that I did to mine.  I only ever settled with my estranged uNM, which is weird because I knew before I could put words to it that uNM didn't like/love me like she should have, even as a very young toddler.  I have distinct feeling impressions from back at that age that she wasn't safe.  My eF wasn't either.

[Cat of the Canals]

4 for my mother.  For my dad, as a baby or before I was born.  That might sound weird but was told I cried whenever he held me.   A former therapist noted that we can react to trauma that takes place prior to our verbal development.

I believe it. PDmil put my husband on a pool float by himself when he was about 18 months old. He fell in (duh?!) and had to be rescued. It's his earliest memory, along with the thought, "I can't trust these people to keep me safe."

[SeaBreeze]

I sensed something was off with my uNPDm around 6. (That's when she and I started arguing about things I learned in school.) I completely knew something was wrong by my teens. But I didn't grasp that she suffered from mental illness until I was in my 20s with kids of my own. I didn't understand she had a co-morbid PD until my 30s. It's literally been a lifelong journey of revelation.

[Hilltop]

Honestly, I didn't realise they weren't normal.
Like Boat Babe says, I was pretty isolated as a child. And very lonely.
I thought it was me. I decided I was odd and unlovable.

My answer is ....60. When my darling M took great glee in making me have a panic attack. For daring to care for her when she was recuperating from an injury. Not a great experience, but it made me remember having felt that way before. As a child.
Then I started thinking, and reading, and arrived here. The FOG began to clear.

Hey Feralcat sorry you have gone through that.  I noticed my dad's behaviour in my teenage years but I didn't notice my mother's behaviour until much later, in my 30's.  Even then like you I thought it was me and I spent years feeling that way.  It has taken me years to really see it for what it is.

[doglady]

From preschool age I thought I was unlovable and was the cause of all the problems in the family. I convinced myself that if only I could be nice that someone in my family would like me. So yeah, at about age three or four, I knew something was up, all right. Although I just presumed it was me because that's what my mother told me.

[Boat Babe]

Dear God, what a litany of suffering.  Huge respect to everyone here who has managed to rise above childhood abuse, misery and fear. You are all amazing!

[Amadahy]

Thinking out loud .....

Actually, Nmom, even in her demented state, said the other day what a "good" baby I was because I never cried.  I have always wanted to be invisible and I do not remember *not* being afraid of her.  She always talked about what a horrible pregnancy and labor I was, so yeah ... I was born into resentment and I think I knew it.  I learned to dial the phone (big cumbersome rotary where we really had to dial numbers) when I was three ... I used to call my grandmother for help when Nmom had a "spell" (rage). 

Remember Jenny on "Forest Gump?"  Her prayer, "Make me a bird so I can fly outta here.  Make me a bird so I can fly outta here."  I really, really resonate with that.

Hugs and love to all our inner little folk.  We deserved better!  xoxo

[Maxtrem]

It's hard to say, especially since I have almost no memories of my childhood. However, I do know that at 6-7 years old I wanted to die and that at 8 years old I made a list of the despicable characteristics of many of my family members and vowed never to be like them.

However, it took me until my twenties to understand that my mother is borderline with narcissistic traits.