UNPDstbxw sees me as black and white at the same time

[guitarman]

I would be scared as well.

Perhaps now is the right time for you to contact Families Need Fathers or other support organisations.

https://fnf.org.uk

I'm so glad now that I got all the support that I did. I realised that I couldn't cope on my own. I still need support.

[escapingman]

I really didn't want to down this route, I really didn't. I don't want to involve the police, but she will force me to. She will counter and report me too, I am scared of her succeeding. She can make up a lie, believe in it herself and convince anyone that's the truth. I have seen it many times. I am not sure I am strong enough for this. I can't think of anything else. I feel lonely, almost like its better to have STBX shouting at me so I am not just on my own.

[square]

I really hear you. Really, really do. All our strength to you.

[guitarman]

I understand as I have been there as well. My uBPD/NPD sister would twist the truth and then begin to believe her own lies. This is delusion and psychosis.

I have had to call police and ambulances many times.

I had to call the police and ambulances on my sibling's wedding day as my uBPD/NPD sister was raging, acting out and being abusive. I was so afraid but I did it. I'm so proud of myself for doing so.

You need to let go of taking the responsibility for your wife and give it over to the professionals. Your wife is their responsibility. It's what I had to do.

This is all trauma bonding. We get to feel so afraid and begin to think that all the abuse is acceptable, hoping the abuser will change. They will not. They have no insight into their own behaviour.

It takes a tremendous amount of effort to break away. I know.

You need support. Please call your friends.

You have come so far. You've done so well.

[guitarman]

As you are in the UK you can call Samaritans at any time 24/7. You don't have to feel suicidal but just for a chat. They are very friendly and nice people. I've called them several times when I had no one to talk to.

Call 116 123 for free at any time.

https://www.samaritans.org/

You need support.

[escapingman]

Thank you so much for all your support guitarman.

[guitarman]

You are welcome. I'm glad to pass on my knowledge and experience.

Things will get better for you and your children.

[SonofThunder]

I understand as I have been there as well. My uBPD/NPD sister would twist the truth and then begin to believe her own lies. This is delusion and psychosis.

I have had to call police and ambulances many times.

I had to call the police and ambulances on my sibling's wedding day as my uBPD/NPD sister was raging, acting out and being abusive. I was so afraid but I did it. I'm so proud of myself for doing so.

You need to let go of taking the responsibility for your wife and give it over to the professionals. Your wife is their responsibility. It's what I had to do.

This is all trauma bonding. We get to feel so afraid and begin to think that all the abuse is acceptable, hoping the abuser will change. They will not. They have no insight into their own behaviour.

It takes a tremendous amount of effort to break away. I know.

You need support. Please call your friends.

You have come so far. You've done so well.

+1. 

EM, im sure the police and social have experienced this many, many times.  The truth WILL prevail, because lies cannot be validated.  I suggest you be proactive and right now, call the resources you have been provided in the above supportive comments. 

The TRUE victim makes those calls, not the fake victim (stbx).  You and your kids are the TRUE victim. Fear is due to 'unknowns' and your stbx wants you to live in unknowns (defensive position).  Press forward with the calls to the support numbers and to the police.  When you do, the unknowns you fear will be revealed as knowns and knowns are MUCH easier to navigate. 

Your kids are minors and need YOU EM to do this strong thing for them, as their loving and protective father who faces unknowns to protect them and himself.  This is your moment EM!  Keep pressing forward!  Turn unknowns to knowns!  You are not alone. 🤛🏼😊

SoT

[Poison Ivy]

 

[JustKeepTrying]

 

[losingmyself]

 

[escapingman]

Thanks for all your support. It warmup my hearth!

[hhaw]

em:

Court and investigations with a PD willing to lie, cheat and steal is always terrifying, particularly when children are involved, IME.

Honestly..... court is about having good days and bad days and not losing one's mind on the bad days, IME.  OR..... as was the case with me...... learning to trust one will GET their mind back again after losing it on the bad days.... over and over again, till one day the process actually sturdies a person up and shows how incredibly resilient people are..... particularly those people who've been trained to doubt themselves by a PD, IME.

So..... ya..... reporting the PD won't auto solve your problems, IME BUT it does open the door for both parties to present their case, which will be scary and make you feel faint and sometimes like throwing up and muscles will lock up and your body will fail you in ways you didn't see coming...... which can be interesting if one stops judging it and just pays attention with curiosity, IME. 

I'm leading up to the part where everyone presents ACTUAL EVIDENCE in a very bright Courtroom.

THAT's where all the documentation and recording of events will be measured against the PD's blathering lies and exxxaggerations they simply cannot prove, IME.

And you'll be there, in that courtroom, putting your children first ALWAYS...... the children, the children the childrenthechildren.

You'll listen to the PD's claims and you'll KNOW which box to go to for evidence to calmly refute the PD's accusations.  Over an over again.... you'll patiently guard your expressions, you'll make notes and you'll  pick an choose what evidence to present when it's your turn.

Sometimes the PD SHOWS the Judge everything the Judge needs to know and you have to pull back, resist presenting lots of evidence (bc you might risk upsetting your judge if they already made up their mind and you seem to be wasting time.)

Sometimes you pick the top 3 items, or 5 and you're always mindful of the Judge's reactions.... some Judges care a lot about safety issues and some just don't, IME.  Most do, however, so again...... the kids the kids the kids the kids.

This won't be about money or dividing the business IME..... you have to SHOW the police and child services and Judge what your children are dealing with..... you have to show the harm and you need to have a plan for mitigating the harm, IME.

Line up the therapists.... get crisis management Ts in place...... and I've said this before but I'll repeat it bc it helped me to hear it over and over......
find a way to speak about triggering things so you're always calm, keep it short and keep it simple.....
give only the burger, never the bun and condiments.  Short and to the point.  Be quiet and your attorney will lead you to the places ou need to go.

By that same token, you'll lead your attorney to the evidence she needs to show this Judge your truth.

As SoT says.... this is a truth war, and you're going to be the ONLY one in the room with consistent documentation and hard evidence, so remember.....
on the bad days when you're asked questions about losing your temper or lashing out........ just admit with one syllable then wait for your attorney to come back and "rehabilitate" you as a witness. 

Do not fear admitting you're human.  The judge will admire you for it, bc most people stupidly get defensive and talk talk talk and make excuses and lie.

YOU will be the truth teller who shines a light through this confusing chaos for you and your children, IME.

So remember....... there's a pattern to these things.  Resist judging ANYTHING negatively as it comes  up, bc sometimds.... sometimes the scary things you fear will be the things that SHOW the Judge what your PD is and what she's doing, IME.

Sometimes all isn't lost....... sometimes everything flips on it's head and is opposite what it seems.

I guess I'm saying the PD will flail and shock  you with accusations, but please remember accusations aren only baseless lies if they lack evidence, esp if you don't break down, get defensive and lash out, react, spin out of control, IME.

The PD WILL do her best to drive you over your edge, it's her best weapon...... to force you to self sabotage, but hold.....
hold.....
hold......
and you will have your final day in that final courtroom where he with the best evidence wins.

I'm not saying it's easy.

I'm saing it's survivable and your children and your future are worth embracing hope and resisiting judgment as these difficult days unfold.

If you haven;'t learned tactical breathing or some way of calming your nervous system.... it's time to get very serious about it, IME.

You'll be  better off AND you';ll e modeling it for your children, which is EVERYTHING now. 

In this very small window..... KNOW you're right to do what you can to mitigate harm to your children and self.

KNOW the PD would want that for the girls IF she wasn't so disordered..... she believes what's best for her is best for the girls,. but she's dead wrong.

You know that and you're stepping up...... hopefully the systems and court step up with you. 

Sometimes it's 2 steps forward,  one step back and that's OK.  Resist panicking.  Resist breaking down in public or where it can be evidenced.  Find a good support system.... maybe parents of sg's friends.....but someone who can help steady you.... ground you to the earth.  Remind you to breathe.

You're doing great,. em.

[escapingman]

Thanks everyone for your support.

I am freaked out, this is probably going to an emergency court hearing already this week. 

[SonofThunder]

Thanks everyone for your support.

I am freaked out, this is probably going to an emergency court hearing already this week. 

EM im proud of you my friend!  You are STRONGLY protecting your kids and yourself.  Keep moving forward; head down; eyes up and press on!  One day your kids are going to realize the extent of the battle that you fought for their freedom.  Truth is your victory. Truth will prevail.

SoT

[Poison Ivy]

I agree with SonofThunder's comments.

[guitarman]

Imagine your future life where you and your children will be safe and enjoying peace.

That is your dream, with your determination it will be your reality.

Keep calm. Stay strong. Stay safe. Keep posting.

[SonofThunder]

Imagine your future life where you and your children will be safe and enjoying peace.

That is your dream, with your determination it will be your reality.

Keep calm. Stay strong. Stay safe. Keep posting.

[SonofThunder]

Also EM, the chance this may happen quickly is surely scary, but also a great thing because its going to turn a HUGE fearful unknown into a known that you can use move forward in planning.  Knowns are WAY less scary than unknowns, and having huge unknowns drag on for a long time will mentally do one over on us. 

As guitarman just wisely wrote: "That is your dream, with your determination it will be your reality". 

The reality of safety may be much closer than anticipated because of a potential emergency hearing and afterward the knowns of that hearing will be something you can use for management moving forward. 

Convert the unknowns EM!   The sooner the better!

SoT

[Poison Ivy]

This, 100%: Knowns are WAY less scary than unknowns, and having huge unknowns drag on for a long time will mentally do one over on us.