"People have said I shouldn't be living alone" - where on earth?

[p123]

I have friends who are 86 & 91
they get meals on wheels

how about sign dad up for meals on wheels?
it's free if one meets the lower income requirement

the person bringing the meal is required to check in on the recipient
they can't just drop off meal on porch

this could be a "start" of getting him help at home which he "might" want?

Yeh he has meals on wheels....

Constantly talking about cancelling it - because "its expensive". Its not,

[p123]

..

I've honestly never seen someone deal so badly with old age as my Dad. Hes CONVINCED that hes the most ill person in the world when in reality his health is great for his age.

Ha!  Yep!  Again, my mom to a "T".  People with PD do not take well to losing power, influence, looks, youth, etc.  My mom has friends older and in worse health than her offering to take her places and do things for her.  And she refuses because she just "can't leave the house anymore".   

Yep exact same. And he wonders why the medical profession pretty much ignore him because theres nothing wrong.

I remember Dad once got his cousin, 3 year younger, to push him around town (and its hilly) for the afternoon. His cousin was unwell after that...
BUT he does it all the time - in his head hes the illest person in the world!

[DaisyGirl77]

Asked him who "People" were and he's non-specific.....
Hes got this idea in his head now that he shouldn't be living alone because SOMEONE has put the idea in his head.

This is Dad to a T. He does not do illness or old age well.

We had this talk about 6 months ago. He can get around his flat, he can cook for himself, he can dress himself, he can wash himself. he can use the bathroom himself. Granted he can't walk far but he is 88......

My wife used to work as a District Nurse (Visiting Nurse) and she used to tell me about old people who lived alone, were bedridden and didnt see anyone other than carers or nurses for weeks on ends....

Anyone had this before? I'm wondering if its a pre-cursor to "I'll move in with you". Not happening.

Yes, it is.  It's your new warning sign to batten down the hatches & shore up your boundaries because that's what's coming.

My uBPD maternal grandmother started this game back when she was about 65.  Her eldest daughter, Auntie K, moved in with her & remained with her until she died in 2003ish.  Next up was her eldest son, Uncle M, who died about 8 years ago.  Then it was her second eldest daughter, Auntie S.  Same thing, only she died last year & Auntie S's children got her out from their mother's clutches 1.5 years before her death, during which Waify Grandmother Woe!  WOEEE!!!'d herself & wailed because her remaining three children absolutely refused to uproot their lives & take her in or (her preference) move in with her in Waify Grandmother's favorite state so she could remain with her two buried children there.  Yes...who cares about the children she has here, right?  The ones dead in the ground were MUCH more important to her than those living children ever were, to the point where, when she started up with the POOR ME act in front of the entire family & church friends she'd invited to her vigil over Uncle M's deathbed, one of said children retorted, "You still have 4 of us here.  Remember that."  Cue cat butt face.  Lol.

I went NC after Uncle M's death.  According to reports, Waify Grandmother is now living on her own in a completely hoarded one bedroom apartment surrounded by two of her dead children's things.  She is silently furious that 1. she has to pay all the bills on her own, 2. her children & grandchildren REFUSE to care for her as Her Queenly Self Expects (TM), & 3. that all of her offspring are wise to her ways & no one will take her in as is their Duty To Their Mother (TM).  She's exceeded 90 so I'm just waiting for the call stating she's dead.  It'd be a mercy at this point.

Your dad is like my Waify Grandmother.  Nothing will ever be good enough.  Keep stepping backward.  Keep holding him at arm's length.  Continue doing what you're doing because it's the healthiest thing for you to do.  Good luck.

[p123]

Asked him who "People" were and he's non-specific.....
Hes got this idea in his head now that he shouldn't be living alone because SOMEONE has put the idea in his head.

This is Dad to a T. He does not do illness or old age well.

We had this talk about 6 months ago. He can get around his flat, he can cook for himself, he can dress himself, he can wash himself. he can use the bathroom himself. Granted he can't walk far but he is 88......

My wife used to work as a District Nurse (Visiting Nurse) and she used to tell me about old people who lived alone, were bedridden and didnt see anyone other than carers or nurses for weeks on ends....

Anyone had this before? I'm wondering if its a pre-cursor to "I'll move in with you". Not happening.

Yes, it is.  It's your new warning sign to batten down the hatches & shore up your boundaries because that's what's coming.

My uBPD maternal grandmother started this game back when she was about 65.  Her eldest daughter, Auntie K, moved in with her & remained with her until she died in 2003ish.  Next up was her eldest son, Uncle M, who died about 8 years ago.  Then it was her second eldest daughter, Auntie S.  Same thing, only she died last year & Auntie S's children got her out from their mother's clutches 1.5 years before her death, during which Waify Grandmother Woe!  WOEEE!!!'d herself & wailed because her remaining three children absolutely refused to uproot their lives & take her in or (her preference) move in with her in Waify Grandmother's favorite state so she could remain with her two buried children there.  Yes...who cares about the children she has here, right?  The ones dead in the ground were MUCH more important to her than those living children ever were, to the point where, when she started up with the POOR ME act in front of the entire family & church friends she'd invited to her vigil over Uncle M's deathbed, one of said children retorted, "You still have 4 of us here.  Remember that."  Cue cat butt face.  Lol.

I went NC after Uncle M's death.  According to reports, Waify Grandmother is now living on her own in a completely hoarded one bedroom apartment surrounded by two of her dead children's things.  She is silently furious that 1. she has to pay all the bills on her own, 2. her children & grandchildren REFUSE to care for her as Her Queenly Self Expects (TM), & 3. that all of her offspring are wise to her ways & no one will take her in as is their Duty To Their Mother (TM).  She's exceeded 90 so I'm just waiting for the call stating she's dead.  It'd be a mercy at this point.

Your dad is like my Waify Grandmother.  Nothing will ever be good enough.  Keep stepping backward.  Keep holding him at arm's length.  Continue doing what you're doing because it's the healthiest thing for you to do.  Good luck.

Yeh its the waifyness that gets me too..... Its not a NEED with Dad its a "can't be bothered".

Same - he think he has a right to DEMAND someone looks after him.

[moglow]

We all have the right to think or feel or demand whatever we want. And those around us all have the same rights - including the right to decline participation in and responsibility for their stuff. That second part is too often overlooked and disregarded but it's no less important.

I knew many years ago I'm not able to provide in home care for mother, neither in hers not my own. Were she to put forth demands, pretty sure she's aware they'd fall on deaf ears. I shut down those mentions a long time ago, whether by her or others., and left no question where I stood. I can't and won't do that, to either of us.

[p123]

We all have the right to think or feel or demand whatever we want. And those around us all have the same rights - including the right to decline participation in and responsibility for their stuff. That second part is too often overlooked and disregarded but it's no less important.

I knew many years ago I'm not able to provide in home care for mother, neither in hers not my own. Were she to put forth demands, pretty sure she's aware they'd fall on deaf ears. I shut down those mentions a long time ago, whether by her or others., and left no question where I stood. I can't and won't do that, to either of us.

Of course, reading others posts it seems a lot of parents are a lot more forthright. Want there someone on her recently whos parents basically threatened them with "consequences"?

[Cat of the Canals]

Of course, reading others posts it seems a lot of parents are a lot more forthright. Want there someone on her recently whos parents basically threatened them with "consequences"?

PDmom bullied me into majoring in nursing in college, and she liked to joke, "And then you can take care of me when I'm old!" Her own mother had just succumbed to a prolonged illness which required private nursing care, so in hindsight, I don't think it was really a joke at all. I was definitely supposed to be her Golden Parachute.

PDmil is more covert about it. She waifs and whines about having to take care of her aging in-laws (they pay her to clean their house), and then she sighs heavily and says, "I guess I don't know who will take care of me..." 

[p123]

Of course, reading others posts it seems a lot of parents are a lot more forthright. Want there someone on her recently whos parents basically threatened them with "consequences"?

PDmom bullied me into majoring in nursing in college, and she liked to joke, "And then you can take care of me when I'm old!" Her own mother had just succumbed to a prolonged illness which required private nursing care, so in hindsight, I don't think it was really a joke at all. I was definitely supposed to be her Golden Parachute.

PDmil is more covert about it. She waifs and whines about having to take care of her aging in-laws (they pay her to clean their house), and then she sighs heavily and says, "I guess I don't know who will take care of me..." 

Yeh part of the reason why my wife no longer speaks to Dad - shes a nurse.

Dad would get told one thing by the consultant and then he'd ask my wife if this was right. ALL THE TIME. She got sick of it - telling him to listen to the consultant.
Then when he couldnt get nurses or doctors to do what HE wanted he expected her to call them and pull strings. NOPE. NO WAY.