Dad cancelling his life alert - cost too much - Jeez

[p123]

Which about sums his attitude to money. Keep it in the bank at all costs.

£140 a year and hes cancelling it - hes got £40K in the bank.

I told him if he fell over, then I would laugh if he lay there for 30 hours because it'd be in the local paper "man drops dead and is left because he cancelled his life line even though he had £40K in the bank".
He didn't appreciate that.

I also told him if he did then face the consequences. Don't phone me, who lives 30 mins away, and expect me to race over and pick him up. Hes too heavy and I've got back problems. In the event, phone for an ambulance but be prepared to wait.

Hes still cancellling. What do I do? Ignore him and let him crack on and deal with it?

[Call Me Cordelia]

Yup. Let him crack on and deal with it.

[p123]

Do you know what I am going to as well?

Chances are if he falls he won't be able to get to the phone anyway. If something bad happens, it happens. Nothing I can do to change it.

[NarcKiddo]

Hes still cancellling. What do I do? Ignore him and let him crack on and deal with it?

Exactly that. You've said your piece and made it clear you will not be the alternative free service. The papers are full of the ambulance delays even before the strikes - I was reading the other day that a pensioner in Wales fell in their garden and had to lie there in the rain for 7 hours, despite living opposite the hospital. They had relatives putting tarps over them but they had broken bones and it was not safe for them to be moved by non-medically qualified people. If the life alert gives him access to immediate help from people who can actually do something then it's cheap at the price.

[Sneezy]

TW - graphic description

Yes, let your dad make his own decisions and assume his own risks.  But, also tell him that you know someone (ok, an online stranger, but still) whose stepmother refused any and all help including Life Alert.  She was annoyed when they wanted to test the system every few months, so she canceled it.  And when my stepmother fell and died, she wasn't found right away and it cost thousands of dollars for guys in haz mat suits to come in and just make her house safe enough for us to come in.  It only takes a few days before a decomposing body turns toxic.  I'm sorry to be so graphic, but this is not how anyone should want to go.

[OddFamily]

We've got this exact issue with my grandma, but it's not cost so much, it's just she doesn't want to use it. It's interesting the way she works, she claims oh so desperately to want to be independent, but when she tried that before, she fell and wasn't found for 5 hours. Her own safeguards wouldn't have helped her (having a phone in every room, and she fell in a room without a phone). She was too ornery to use the button, so it was well out of reach. Amazing how she has managed to completely forget about that episode.
Mom's starting to drop the rope to a greater degree with her, you're going to do what you're going to do, but you've got to sort it out. Mom's sprung a reverse guilt trip if that makes sense of "We're trying to get our estate set and lay framework so it's not a burden on our daughter" but it doesn't seem to be working.

[lkdrymom]

My father was the same way with hearing aids.  I had to miss work to take him several times to get fitted and then he decided he didn't want them.  He just liked me taking him out to the doctor.  I blew up and said if you don't take these, I will not be your ears for you.  He said he understood.  Following week he calls me and tells me I need to call an office 'because he can't hear".  Took me 20 minutes to get him to understand I wasn't doing that because he refused hearing aids and that should not make more work for me.

Also tried to get him Lifealert and he said too expensive....and he had a lot more money than your dad does.  They all expect something for nothing as if being old entitles them to everything being free.

[moglow]

It's obvious it's his choice but make it clear - if he falls there's no way to know how long it will be before someone finds him. It doesn't matter how much money he has, but what he feels his life is worth.

I know of a senior nearby who has family within a mile, he fell shortly after they left one day and was found by housekeeper facedown on his bathroom floor late the next day. He couldn't get up or even turn over on his own and they had to call ambulance for him - he had obvious head injury, ugly bruising on his face, fractured arm etc. He was angry about going to the hospital, but that was the only available option. Had the housekeeper not been scheduled for that day it would have been much longer.

[Preamble]

I beleive they are unconsciously trying to wind everyone up around them.  Horrible to watch, you have my sympathy

Maybe start documenting all this stuff so you can prove you did your best

[Jolie40]

seems it's worth the cost

just read article that a man fell in his car & was stuck
luckily his garage door was open & a dog heard him calling for help:


https://www.itv.com/news/meridian/2022-12-19/dog-saves-94-year-old-mans-life-after-spending-almost-24-hours-in-the-cold

[Boat Babe]

That's the pathology in action. That's the disorder, right there. Here's the normies scratching their heads, looking at the cost/benefit analysis, sharing stories of frail elders and bad falls and there's your dad, being a complete idiot. He wants you to come running, it's another control attempt and he will risk his very life in order to have that feeling of control.

You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. You've said your piece and now you have to let him deal with the consequences of his actions should he take a tumble. It's mad, it's worrying but it's not your responsibility. Deep breaths P123 mate.

[nanotech]

Which about sums his attitude to money. Keep it in the bank at all costs.

£140 a year and hes cancelling it - hes got £40K in the bank.

I told him if he fell over, then I would laugh if he lay there for 30 hours because it'd be in the local paper "man drops dead and is left because he cancelled his life line even though he had £40K in the bank".
He didn't appreciate that.

I also told him if he did then face the consequences. Don't phone me, who lives 30 mins away, and expect me to race over and pick him up. Hes too heavy and I've got back problems. In the event, phone for an ambulance but be prepared to wait.

Hes still cancellling. What do I do? Ignore him and let him crack on and deal with it?

Yep. Ignore it. Even though it goes against every fibre of your being.
They do things that don't make any sense.
During the pandemic, my unpddad constantly gaslighted himself in order to meet his own needs. Where he felt it was worth it to him, ( a meal out with him as the centre of attention) he took risks with his health, then lied about it to others (me) in ways that were downright irrational.
At other times he is completely over the top/ paranoid over his health. This is usually when he wants a hospital visit accompanied by a massive fuss from his children.
There's no common sense in play.

[p123]

TW - graphic description

Yes, let your dad make his own decisions and assume his own risks.  But, also tell him that you know someone (ok, an online stranger, but still) whose stepmother refused any and all help including Life Alert.  She was annoyed when they wanted to test the system every few months, so she canceled it.  And when my stepmother fell and died, she wasn't found right away and it cost thousands of dollars for guys in haz mat suits to come in and just make her house safe enough for us to come in.  It only takes a few days before a decomposing body turns toxic.  I'm sorry to be so graphic, but this is not how anyone should want to go.

Told him that sneezy  - head in sand, how can I save a few pounds?

[p123]

My father was the same way with hearing aids.  I had to miss work to take him several times to get fitted and then he decided he didn't want them.  He just liked me taking him out to the doctor.  I blew up and said if you don't take these, I will not be your ears for you.  He said he understood.  Following week he calls me and tells me I need to call an office 'because he can't hear".  Took me 20 minutes to get him to understand I wasn't doing that because he refused hearing aids and that should not make more work for me.

Also tried to get him Lifealert and he said too expensive....and he had a lot more money than your dad does.  They all expect something for nothing as if being old entitles them to everything being free.

Oh yes I hear you.....

Tried MANY times to get me to be his "phone caller". Nope. Too busy with work.
He hasn't helped by saying "you must have time you sit at home tapping a few keys!"

[p123]

That's the pathology in action. That's the disorder, right there. Here's the normies scratching their heads, looking at the cost/benefit analysis, sharing stories of frail elders and bad falls and there's your dad, being a complete idiot. He wants you to come running, it's another control attempt and he will risk his very life in order to have that feeling of control.

You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. You've said your piece and now you have to let him deal with the consequences of his actions should he take a tumble. It's mad, it's worrying but it's not your responsibility. Deep breaths P123 mate.

yeh cheers boat - im getting better. this time im thinking well its your choice!

[doglady]

If you graphed their behaviour over the lifespan (x-axis being age and y-axis being functionality) it'd be an upside down U-curve, wouldn't it?

They start off as babies, climb up the curve and mature somewhat (only to a very small degree if they're PDs) and then fall away again as they age. The more PD they are, the steeper the decline.

Hang in there p123. Your dad will never change, but you've come a long, long way. Hope you have a great Xmas.

[p123]

thanks all - he has gone ahead and cancelled it.

His plan, he'll take his phone with him when he goes upstairs. He won't he always forgets.

Told him don't ring me - it'll take me 30mins+ to get there. If wife is working and daughter is asleep hes had it anway.
I aint picking up hes too heavy and I'm not a health professional anyway. If hes got access to the phone, ring 999 and hope they're able to come.

As others have said, his plan was Im his free lifeline by the looks. Nope....

[Srcyu]

I'm not sure how much you would normally spend on his birthday and Christmas gifts combined ......
You could maybe, pay for a new life alert thing? Just a thought, because he will ring you if he can.

[Pepin]

CN MIL did the same.....that little device could have saved her.  She honestly believe that a tiny button device was too much to carry around or wear as a necklace.  It was too late by the time family came to her...

[p123]

I'm not sure how much you would normally spend on his birthday and Christmas gifts combined ......
You could maybe, pay for a new life alert thing? Just a thought, because he will ring you if he can.

Tried that sort of thing before. Can't remember what it was now - he won't even take it as a gift he'd just cancel it anyway.

He can ring I wont be going - pointless Im too far away