Food - again

Started by Sneezy, January 05, 2021, 03:26:20 PM

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Sneezy

Oh my gosh, is this a PD thing or an old lady thing?  The obsession with food is driving me crazy.  I have mentioned before that my histrionic MIL never eats because she is determined to remain thin.  Now my covert NPD mom is doing something similar.  She talks nonstop about how little she eats and how small the portion sizes are and how everyone thinks she is too thin (she's not, by the way, her weight is just fine for her height and age).  Uggggggghhhhhhhhh   :stars:

The only thing more boring than listening to someone recite everything they have eaten, or not eaten, in excruciating detail is listening to someone ramble on about some dream they had last night.  I DON'T CARE!!!  I don't care when you eat, how much you eat, how much you weigh, how many people are begging you to eat, how thin you are, or the state of your digestive system after you've eaten.  Keep it to yourself!!!

Whew, I feel so much better now.  Thank you for listening to my rant  ;D

bloomie

Quote from: SneezyThe only thing more boring than listening to someone recite everything they have eaten, or not eaten, in excruciating detail is listening to someone ramble on about some dream they had last night.  I DON'T CARE!!!  I don't care when you eat, how much you eat, how much you weigh, how many people are begging you to eat, how thin you are, or the state of your digestive system after you've eaten.  Keep it to yourself!!!

Sneezy - I could've written every single word about an elderly family member with strong N and histrionic traits. And this is not new behavior since aging. Food and her weight is a consistent and urgent topic of conversation. Even down to how many bites she eats because she counts them to also stay small as small can be and point that out as often as possible. Which whatever works for someone, but why do I need to be informed? 4 sips of water, 2 bites of cantaloup... I wish I were making this up, but YOU know I am not!

And the digestive issues... yikes! I once wrote here somewhere on the board about my little elder who will often talk about the current state of her... how shall I say it...private area and bladder as well because everyone needs to know she has an itch or something! Again, can't assign this to aging as she has been doing it for the duration.  :aaauuugh:

My limit is to give this 30 seconds and a bland remark and move on or excuse myself from the convo. And to use it as a cautionary tale that no one, I mean no one ever is interested in what I eat or my dreams or my itches... :tongue2:
The most powerful people are peaceful people.

The truth will set you free if you believe it.

nanotech

#2
Sigh 😔
I know, because I am told, the exact contents of my dad's freezer and fridge.
Same detail given, regularly, on the preparation of meals.
Which shop he went and why.
What he bought, and why.
What he didn't buy, and why.
How he cooked it, and why.
How long he cooked it, and why.
Portion size, and why.
How long he stored leftovers, and why.
How he eats leftovers, and why.
What his weight is and why.
What his weight was at 21.
How he's stopped eating biscuits and why. How he's begun eating biscuits and why.
Stopped again.
Begun again.
Calory content of a custard cream.
Calory content of a digestive.
How he eats sweets when washing up, and why.
No more than three.
How tight his waistband is, speculates why.
How loose his waistband is, speculates why.
What he's going to do about the waistband situation.
What he's not going to do about the waistband situation.
How it's a problem.
How it isn't a problem.
Grrrrr-
On the digestive issues I get chapter and Verse as well. Detail no daughter needs to hear.
I could go on......

Ok we're in lockdown. I should be concerned. But he's concerned enough for the two of us.
So I don't ask for these details.
Still, I get told, over and over and fact by fact, how well he looks after himself in terms of food.
In my mind I answer with the exasperated voice of Monica from Friends;
'I KNOW!'
🤦‍♀️

Thru the Rain

Quote from: Sneezy on January 05, 2021, 03:26:20 PM
The only thing more boring than listening to someone recite everything they have eaten, or not eaten, in excruciating detail is listening to someone ramble on about some dream they had last night. 

I just burst out laughing - I get calls from my uPDM with looooong and boooooring descriptions of her dreams.  :stars:

Boat Babe

Both my grandmother and my mother were/are obsessed with their bowels. I'll spare you the details, but my mother doesn't, especially when we have just say down to eat.
It gets better. It has to.

Sneezy

I have gotten some good laughs from these replies.  It's good to know I'm not the only one irritated by this.

I do think it's partly an age thing.  As my father got older, he became a real foodie - he loved to cook, loved to eat, was constantly perfecting his recipes.  But with him, it seemed normal (if you know what I mean) and kind of endearing.  I still cherish his handwritten recipes, where he specifies the exact brand of ingredients to buy, because if you don't buy the right brand of noodles, you might ruin his casserole  :)

With my PD Mom, it's different.  There is always some underlying drama associated with food.  Her obsession with telling everyone how little she eats and how thin she is is just part of it.  I suppose it is a control issue, like many things are with PDs.  When Mom offers food, she acts very hurt if I don't accept.  If I don't eat enough, then I don't love her.  If I eat less than her, I'm somehow judging her.  If I don't tell her what I'm ordering at a restaurant, so that she can order the exact same thing, she gets very upset.  I could go on, but you get the idea.  Luckily, this is minor stuff, and I can roll my eyes about it (and rant to all of you who understand) and move on.

I wish I could just spend easy time with my mom.  Everything is always so tense.  I feel like I'm walking on eggshells.  I don't want to get all worked up over who is eating what (and I don't want to see her latest rash or listen to her bathroom schedule).  But again, this is minor stuff and I need to deal  ;) - it could be worse.

Andeza

Erm, just want to put this on the table, Sneezy, you don't have to deal. You can politely say, "Mom, I'd rather not discuss your bowels whilst eating, could you pass the mashed potatoes please?" That is perfectly acceptable, and is your right. If people start talking about, you know, medical stuff while I'm eating I inform them I don't want those images in my head while I'm eating, please wait until after dinner. If they push, I inform them the alternative is that I puke/pass out on their plate. You don't have to go that far, lol. I'm just very frank.
Remember, that there are no real deadlines for life, just society's pressures.      - Anonymous
Lasting happiness is not something we find, but rather something we make for ourselves.

Sneezy

Quote from: Andeza on January 06, 2021, 10:49:20 AM
Erm, just want to put this on the table
;D I see what you did there!

You are right, of course, I don't have to listen to the endless complaints or gastrointestinal discussions.  I do remind mom that I'm not a doctor and I'm a little squeamish, so I won't closely examine any rashes.  I guess I do sometimes let her ramble on about some things because she is older, and then I often regret it later because it upsets me and I can't let it go.  I suppose it's a balancing act.  Mom is old and I'm not going to change her and I don't want to spend whatever years she has left constantly arguing with her.  On the other hand, I have to protect myself and keep my boundaries up, because she can quickly veer into being nasty or heaping on the guilt.  It's amazing how she can go from benign rambling to extreme FOG.  She's an expert at guilt.  Sigh . . . like I said, I wish I could just spend some easy time with her.  But that is not meant to be.

Medowynd

My FIL's digestive system input and output was a constant source of fascination for him.  He loved to discuss it with my husband.  Husband brought up the digestive system output one night at dinner.  I said that if I ever heard another word, he would be eating by himself. 

Husband also learned to take FIL's phone calls in another room due to graphic descriptions.

Sneezy

Quote from: Medowynd on January 10, 2021, 01:55:11 PM
My FIL's digestive system input and output was a constant source of fascination for him.
Ha, my DH's entire side of the family talks way too much about you-know-what.  I think some families, especially those with a majority of sons rather than daughters, can be like this.  I'm with you.  I, along with some of the other in-laws, have tried to make a rule that we don't use the p-word at family get-togethers.  Unfortunately, it's somewhat of a losing battle.

So I guess it's a family thing, an old person thing, and one of those things that can be made worse by adding in a PD. 

Back to the food part of the question, mom is mad at me now because she bought two packages of hot dogs and she only ate one hot dog.  So the rest have been in her fridge for several weeks and I guess I didn't act sufficiently grateful when she wanted to give them to me.  This is a recurring theme.  She will buy (or take extras at meal time) of certain things, save them for a while, and then give them to me.  I'm supposed to act grateful and report back on how much we all enjoyed eating whatever it was she sent.  It's control, I know.  I should just take whatever it is and throw it away when I get home.  It's just one of those many irritating things.

desertpine

The obsession with food could be due to an eating disorder. Middle age folks and the elderly can have chronic eating disorders - my guess is their is a co-occurring PD if someone has a chronic ED. Frustrating no matter what though. It sounds annoying to have so much of a focus on food and weight!

Andeza

My best bet is that in many cases, the lives of the PD elderly are so empty of interaction or interesting events that they put a heavy focus on everything and anything that they can. Bonus points if it concerns or scares people into paying attention to them or fawning or wasting energy trying to solve their problems. In other words, they are playing the waif card. Whether they are dealing with an eating disorder, or not, they are milking the situation for all it's worth. Giving the behavior further attention only increases their reward.

In this case, I recommend falling back on WI's time honored response of "You should really talk to your doctor about that," along with a subject change. "How's the weather? the garden? the bean dip? etc" Otherwise, they'll never freakin' stop.
Remember, that there are no real deadlines for life, just society's pressures.      - Anonymous
Lasting happiness is not something we find, but rather something we make for ourselves.

SparkStillLit

My work is literally P related, but ffs live sewage and the like is HARDLY table conversation!!!!!
I mean, to myself and my coworkers, certainly. We love it. To the general public, and our families, ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!
(Don't sit at the table next to us in the restaurant. We're sort of boisterous.)