New here and realize I'm not alone

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New here and realize I'm not alone
« on: April 06, 2021, 10:55:33 PM »
I just stumbled on this website a few days ago after finally going NC with my father.  A counselor suggested 30 years ago in family therapy that my dad likely has BPD, but of course my father never got any help.  Instead he's spent my entire life messing with me and alienating everyone in his life except for my stepmother, who has her own mental health issues.  Reading your stories here almost knocked me over.  I thought I was alone and that only MY father acted this way.   Reading other stories made me realize that this is textbook BPD behavior.  I've spent so much of my life feeling guilty for our bad relationship and assuming that I was the problem.  I never accepted that maybe he suffered from a real mental illness.  He did an an amazing job gaslighting me, antagonizing me, shaming me, and making me doubt myself.  Y'all, I'm done.  I've tried VLC with him, and he just batters against my boundaries every time.   I don't want any anymore drama.  I just want to live my life with my family.  I just want peace.  Looking forward to learning from and healing with you all.


Spring Butterfly

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Re: New here and realize I'm not alone
« Reply #1 on: April 07, 2021, 08:25:51 AM »
Warmest welcome and yes itís always bittersweet to find we are not alone. Thereís a certain level of understanding, the lack of need to go into detail because just a few words we all understand. Weíre here to travel alongside one another in this journey Out of the FOG.

One thing that helped me so much was to realize it was my human right all along to individuate and go off and live my life. Thatís what supposed to happen. Raise your child so they could go off to live their own life and be happy.

The PD way of thinking is to stay eternally enmeshed, completely codependent, under their control. We know better now and come here to be empowered and heal.
∑ Every interaction w/ PD persons results in damage-plan accordingly, make time to heal
∑ Individuation is one key to emotional freedom
∑ It's foolish to expect of others what they have no capacity to give
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