Life on the Other Side of Divorce

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JustKeepTrying

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Life on the Other Side of Divorce
« on: October 03, 2021, 11:00:38 PM »
Today is the first day of my new journey.  I have worked hard for it.  I was married for 32 years to OCPDxh.  I have PTSD, stage IV cancer and so many other health issues.  But this weekend I listed my family home and said goodbye to my ex for the last time.  I know I may see him at family weddings or funerals and there will be texts but it has been more than two years since I walked out after his last physical intimidation.

I feel great.  Wonderful.  New like a baby bird.  Like all my previous crap in life is just that - previous.  From now on, I live as I wish and I will listen to my emotions and will and live authentically.  No more living by the demands of my parents or my ex or my kids. My youngest came home this weekend and we spent a pleasant hour catching up.  He is doing well and I feel I can now live.   Just living as an honest person doing what makes them happy.

I wanted to post here because this is the section of the forum that I haunted for years on and off while lived in the fog.  I didn't think there would be a life ahead for me.  And I have worked for this.  Therapy was endless and there were times I almost gave up - I mean really gave it all up - but I persevered and now I am here.  Living my dream.

I also realize that I need to hold onto this moment.  I was cautioned that my ex will go out kicking and screaming and he is.  But I am ignoring him and choosing to respond to only what I need to.  Thank you toolbox.  I also know that this is a high point and there will be challenges and issues and downs and ups.  That's ok.  I got this.

Thank you to all of you for your unconditional support.  Calling me out when I needed it.  For being authentic in yourselves.  For your kindness and encouragement.  I am grateful to all of you.

Btw, my dream was to travel in a little camper.  I am parked at the seashore tonight.  Looking at the stars and loving life.

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Poison Ivy

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Re: Life on the Other Side of Divorce
« Reply #1 on: October 03, 2021, 11:10:50 PM »
Yay for you!

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PlantFlowersNotWeeds

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Re: Life on the Other Side of Divorce
« Reply #2 on: October 03, 2021, 11:33:43 PM »
I needed to read this post tonight. This will be me someday.....it's so hard.  :'(

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Bunnyme1

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Re: Life on the Other Side of Divorce
« Reply #3 on: October 03, 2021, 11:53:26 PM »
I am SO HAPPY to read this!  I'm glad you are feeling so good.  You recognize that there will be challenges, but go on ahead with your best life.   :cheer:

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SeaGlass

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Re: Life on the Other Side of Divorce
« Reply #4 on: October 04, 2021, 01:24:14 AM »
So happy for you! One day at a time.  :star: Enjoy the stars!

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square

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Re: Life on the Other Side of Divorce
« Reply #5 on: October 04, 2021, 02:21:20 AM »
Much strength to you.

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Kat54

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Re: Life on the Other Side of Divorce
« Reply #6 on: October 06, 2021, 12:32:08 PM »
Congratulations! So so happy for you!!

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Life on the Other Side of Divorce
« Reply #7 on: October 06, 2021, 01:07:24 PM »
I am glad you have your camper and can be by the shore. Even if life takes you elsewhere you have this memory of peace and freedom before taking the next step on the journey.

Toss some bread to the seabirds for me. 

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Lauren17

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Re: Life on the Other Side of Divorce
« Reply #8 on: October 07, 2021, 07:28:44 PM »
Congratulations to you!
Thank you for sharing. These success stories are a light for me right now.
I wish you peace and happiness on your journey.
I’ve cried a thousand rivers. And now I’m swimming for the shore” (adapted from I’ll be there for you)

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SonofThunder

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Re: Life on the Other Side of Divorce
« Reply #9 on: October 08, 2021, 09:29:20 AM »
JustKeepTrying, what a wonderful update!  Your strength, courage, determination and focus on your goals with the toolbox in-tow, is amazing.  This is for you! 🏆🌷

Im going to keep you in thought and especially prayer that your body and mind is now going to positively react to your determined hard work to free it from abuses and let it focus on a different adversary, kicking into high gear to battle your cancer in teamwork with modern medicine and practices.  In addition, i will pray for one of those possible reports from doctors who shake their heads when the cancer does a u-turn and miraculously departs. 

This post was very uplifting and a huge roaring applause for you!  Thanks for sharing!  👏

SoT
Proverbs 17:1
A meal of bread and water in contented peace is better than a banquet spiced with quarrels.

2 Timothy 1:7
For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

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2nice

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Re: Life on the Other Side of Divorce
« Reply #10 on: October 08, 2021, 09:48:19 AM »
what a beautiful image of freedom…actually reminds me of shawshank redemption. sounds like your life is very similar…all the best of everything for u. stay strong xx

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hhaw

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Re: Life on the Other Side of Divorce
« Reply #11 on: November 05, 2021, 03:41:32 PM »
::doing happy dance for JKT!::.

Breathe the free air, my dear. 
I'm so happy for you.
hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Nietchzsche

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt

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JustKeepTrying

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Re: Life on the Other Side of Divorce
« Reply #12 on: November 07, 2021, 01:20:02 PM »
I am five weeks into my six week trip and only a few days left before I head home.  It has been a weird trip and the highs are high and the lows are low.

My OCPDx has tried to deflate the trip in many ways and this past week i succumbed to a rant on the phone with him when he threatened to charge me for a bill that was so obviously his - such a typical move with his nitpicking over house selling expenses.  Up to this point, from the moment I left I kept my ranting and anger away from him and I either journaled or talked to a friend.  But this time I droped a bomb on him.

He said "Well look where you are and where I am."

And I replied "I am trying to heal after decades of you hitting the wall inches from my face; throwing wrenches me at and hiding money from me.  This is my attempt to regain my mental health.  I am not apologizing for it."

While I feel good about the rebuttal, the subsequent emotion and anger are wrecking my trip.  I am staring at the most beautiful scenery on earth and up to now, i was feeling in control, peaceful and regaining some of my sanity.  But now, I feel that surge of anger and anxiety that plagued throughout our marriage,

I am not entirely he didn't plan it either.  I have seen him do this very kind of thing to others - such a bully kind of move.

So I journaled and now I am posting.  I keep this mantra in my head - I am a survivor.  I will resist succumbing to the negative emotion and folding in on myself.  I will resist those negative thought bombs that derail me.  I can do this.

Thank you all for your support.  I don't really know you but it is a comfort to know there are others walking the same path.

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notrightinthehead

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Re: Life on the Other Side of Divorce
« Reply #13 on: November 07, 2021, 05:04:51 PM »
I know the fury an interaction with your PD partner can trigger.  It used to sit with me for days af ter even just an email, let alone a phone call. Now it lasts for an hour.
We have a lot to be angry about. What you wrote made me angry and I don't even know you. The mere entitlement that someone would think it was OK to treat their partner like that! Hit the wall a few inches from their face. Your anger is totally justified. Have you tried a mindfulness exercise - sitting with unpleasant emotions? It sometimes worked for me, at other times I had to physically work through my anger.
I can't hate my way into loving myself.

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Worthy of Care

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Re: Life on the Other Side of Divorce
« Reply #14 on: November 07, 2021, 07:14:47 PM »
You are a victorious survivor. It makes me mad that your OCPDx has causes so much disruption at the end of your trip. I pray that the peace of the scenery helps to bring peace to your heart.

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Kat54

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Re: Life on the Other Side of Divorce
« Reply #15 on: November 08, 2021, 11:58:19 PM »
Congratulations on how far you have come. Your best life is right in front of you and leave the past behind and never look back. Love this life because it’s what you make of it.
Peace, serenity and love to you!

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Lauren17

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Re: Life on the Other Side of Divorce
« Reply #16 on: November 09, 2021, 11:23:14 AM »
I think your response to ex was spot on.
NRITH stated my suggestion. Maybe sit with the anger for a while. I always think that anger is giving me a message, so I try to pause an listen to it.

Safe travels to you.
I’ve cried a thousand rivers. And now I’m swimming for the shore” (adapted from I’ll be there for you)