Equating academic success with parental love

Started by Writingthepain, October 31, 2021, 08:48:14 AM

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Writingthepain

The only source of praise and support I had as a child was from my teachers.
My npd mom wasn't interested in my academic progress at school unless she could some how make it about herself.
This resulted in my trying harder and harder to be the best at school and since anything requiring intelligence I have to be best at.
Just to get that 'well done!' That I was so denied.

Danden

I had the same experience.  The only positive feeling I had about myself came from school.   At the same time,  my parents were indifferent about my (great) academic achievements.  Since that was important to to me personally I think that as a child some saw me as overly confident aka cocky or arrogant.  I also was not good socially so I think other kids saw me as nerdy or weird.  Even today I think I don't fit in with others  because many times I find I am smarter and more serious than most other people and it makes it hard to talk to them and speak and to feel I am understood.  Other people are more superficial and less deep-thinking than I.  So I am left with superficial conversation which I find tiring and I am not good at it.  Or I try to have a substantive conversation and other people aren't good at that.  Throughout my life I have not been understood emotionally or intellectually.  So I often feel out of place and like I don't belong. 

Writingthepain

Danden,  we may be twins. I will say when I do find someone who is ok with a really deep conversation I love it.