Thanksgiving? What to do.

[Poison Ivy]

 

[Gettintired76]

So we had an awesome time at the movie the girls and my mom loved it, had dinner at Shoney's it was a blast until we had to take the girls home neither one wanted to go and we literally had to drag my oldest out of the car kicking and screaming, my ex took of somewhere with her b/f and turned her phone off so neither me nor her sister could get ahold of her to ask if the kid could stay with me tonight. So of course a wonderful night ending in ruin because of her bologna.

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Sounds like a game she's playing on purpose.

What would happen if you tried to call a couple times, shrugged, and took the kids home with you?

I forgot, is there any court order?

[Gettintired76]

All hell would break loose she'd call the cops for kidnapping they'd believe her I'd go to jail and my daughter would be traumatized for life

[Gettintired76]

I was wandering... I have no custody right? But I've made appointments before... she has yet as far as I know made an appointment for my daughters for a dentist and they well at least my oldest haven't seen a dentist in three maybe four years her teeth are horrendous and she has stopped eating because it hurts can I still make an appointment? My youngest has seen one recently but it ended bizarrely and it actually wasn't my ex's fault they didn't tell me they didn't accept my insurance until I got there and she was seen but most bizarre they are a pediatric dentist my girls are pediatric patients but they wouldn't do anything because they had adult teeth again they knew their ages before I took my daughter so they should have known at least approximately what teeth she had.

[Gettintired76]

And my son has not had any medical attention since 2014? It's like he doesn't exist. I declared paternity of him in her home state in 2018 can she turn around and grant him paternity and give my son his name and everything despite that or is it locked now that they have the father declared? She still refuses to give him my name or anything.

[Gettintired76]

Also I am overwhelmed at how awesome the waitstaff and management were at Shoney's tonight even thought they were gonna close in 20 minutes and we were the last customers there they treated my girls like queens, they ate free of charge, had everybody there gushing over them and the main manager gave them free beanie babies and upon finding out how much my the 11yr old ( the autistic) loved there jello let her take all they had left home with her. She was standing at the edge of the kitchen door way asking every question under the sun and waiter on the line answered everyone and offered to give her a tour of the kitchen itself the next time she came in.

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Awesome about Shoney's They are not in my area but I have some fond memories eating there a few times as a kid when my family travelled.

I'm sorry if you've explained all this before, if so, I don't recall.

But has your ex been awarded full custody?
Or is everybody just making assumptions about everything?

You say you declared paternity of your son, legally. Are the other children yours biologically and/or legally?

[Gettintired76]

Mine biologically and legally in as much I'm on their birth certificates, now as far as I've had it explained to me on several occasions she was awarded full custody and rights from birth. One thing that buggers me I hear and see theses situations where the man had to or chose to "sign his rights away" I feel I never had any rights to sign away and that is basically what it said on a legal website I looked at it stated " if unmarried even if the father is on the birth certificate the father has no custody or rights until established by the court"

[Gettintired76]

Also she has refused repeatedly to do anything in the courts every time she dumps me she threatens it but never does it. And tonight she did what I knew she would do... her go to.... She accused me of molesting our daughter. Also when I tried to discuss with her what our kids told me on thanksgiving she exploded defending him tooth and nail had the kids defending him started insulting me screaming and cussing at me stated he threatened to call the police on my sister and I was just angry that he was being the father I refuse to be and everything. It was a mess. I should have known better next time I won't say anything I will just go to the police.

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So the question is, do you have the means to establish some degree of custody legally?

I'll take your word that you have no inherent rights in your jurisdiction.

I wonder what you could do in the meantime when she yanks your chain by being unreachable when a visit is over. I really don't know, but options I can think of would be to just take the kids home and let her figure it out, and if cops are called stay super calm, show them your call records tryingvto reach her, and count on your kids to back you up. And the key thing is to stay calm. But that's not legal advice, man, I have no idea what your risk would be there.

Or pre-emptively call the police non emergency line and say your ex is unreachable, you're afraid she'll use the opportunity to report you, but you plan to just take the kids home to wait until she shows up. And stay caaaaaalm.

She obviously loves yanking your chain and in your shoes I'd be going nuts. But I'd try to keep that from showing at all. She shows up and starts screaming at you. You just say "you weren't answering your phone. It was cold. We went home." And shrug everything off. No big deal. Whatever. Seeya. Bye kids, love you guys. Night.

[Gettintired76]

I do know her Dad took them from her for about 3 months in 2016, and I appeared in court down there every time she went up but where I'm hearing impaired I couldn't hear a thing they were saying they never came to me to make arrangements and my name was even on any of the documentation. I was told later.... By the court I didn't even need to be there it didn't involve me.

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Yeah, don't discuss anything with her. Nothing. You might report it but discussing it with her is worse than useless.

I would really like to see you with a lawyer who is interested in your case. The molestation accusations are another thing you want to get ahead of.

It seems to me like you having an interested lawyer could then lead to a cps report and then hopefully some oversight of the kids' situation plus some custody for you.

Again, I don't have any experience here. But it's a bad situation and I just hate to see it.

[Gettintired76]

That pisses her off more then anything funnilyif I stay aloof of her she literally gets crazy and starts swearing I'm doing stuff starts bringing up stuff literally from 15 yrs ago that really don't amount to anything and swears they prove her point. What she doesn't realize is everything she has done since kind of negates all that. And if she's heard it really makes her sound desperate to find something on me. She can never find anything recent to use either. It's funny she swears she has never cheated me that I did on her, her example? A I girl I worked with 15 yrs ago put her legs on her desk while wearing a miniskirt showing everything she had and I happened to see it ( I was at the next desk)

[Gettintired76]

She claims she's moving them into a nice house....way out in the country... but judging by the car he bought I'm not sure. Also she has only known this guy like maybe 3 months and she has cut everybody off except her sister (and she wanted to cut her out, but her sis refused it) and is now letting him move her way out away from everyone

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Ok, yeah, I'm hearing impaired too, in a case like that you'll need someone who can help you out, a friend or something. I know how it is, you miss everything that's going on. Do you have hearing aids? I used to use the "real" kind but I can't afford them anymore. About a year ago I tried a cheaper pair and they are working great for me. Granted, they are still hundreds (not thousands though!).

[Gettintired76]

No I don't if I needed anything like that I was a hypochondriac and selfish so I went without I went without glasses and teeth for almost the whole time we were together because she said I didn't need them and they made me look ugly.

[Gettintired76]

She and her dad refused to help me in court I'd asked what was said and they'd say nothing don't worry about and stuff I felt like a useless brick standing in what seemed to me silence. I could see the judges mouth but I swear it was like he was mouthing not really speaking.

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She claims she's moving them into a nice house....way out in the country... but judging by the car he bought I'm not sure. Also she has only known this guy like maybe 3 months and she has cut everybody off except her sister (and she wanted to cut her out, but her sis refused it) and is now letting him move her way out away from everyone

Don't worry about it. It might happen but until then it's all talk. Your focus should not be on the stuff she talks about that maybe will maybe won't happen. The focus is on whether you have the ability to get a competent and interested lawyer - somehow. Everything else is distraction.

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Well, your ex and her family aren't going to be your friends in court. You can figure that part out down the road, though. The first hurdle is whether you're going to be able to pursue anything legally.