I think I finally might have my evidence

escapingman · April 30, 2022, 12:38:38 PM

SoT, I don't have any contact with her. This is what she said to me in a monolouge I was not part of.

To clarify, I don't speak to her other than MC replies. Instead she speaks at me or about me to either herself or the kids.

SonofThunder · April 30, 2022, 01:46:05 PM

EM thanks for the clarity. I assumed from your writing that she was voicing her opinion directly to you somehow, while you were away.

SoT

escapingman · April 30, 2022, 02:49:56 PM

No I have blocked or muted her on all communication channels.

STBX har really managed to turn GC against me. Everytime I enter a room GC I in she tells me she hates me and uses some phrases identical to what STBX uses. When I question her what she means and what the phrases actually means she has no clue.

But got some amazing response from SG. Finished our meal and her friend left the table, SG came to me and gave me 3 big cuddles and a kiss ant told me she loves me. That meant the world to me.

SonofThunder · April 30, 2022, 06:35:07 PM

Quote from: escapingman on April 30, 2022, 02:49:56 PM
No I have blocked or muted her on all communication channels.

STBX har really managed to turn GC against me. Everytime I enter a room GC I in she tells me she hates me and uses some phrases identical to what STBX uses. When I question her what she means and what the phrases actually means she has no clue.

But got some amazing response from SG. Finished our meal and her friend left the table, SG came to me and gave me 3 big cuddles and a kiss ant told me she loves me. That meant the world to me.

Ahh....soak it in EM. Time will surely tell.

SoT

rockandhardplace · May 01, 2022, 10:49:01 PM

Can I ask you if GC and SG have always had those same roles in the family? And did she just become bonded with GC when you started to MC/unJADE?? I'm new to this site and was reading an earlier post of yours talking about her denying her abuse, blaming you and instead of seeking help saying you need it. God it's so familiar. I have video and written evidence of his abusive behaviours but he still insists that I'm the abuser. When I ask for examples of these behaviours he deflects to something else, it's bonkers. He tells me I need to see someone - I have, I told him this and that I don't have a mental health issue but I'm in a dysfunctional relationship. I don't even blame him directly for that. Invite him to come to see someone with me, go himself. Years ago when he accused me of being aggressive I said okay lets go to see someone to fix that, if I'm the aggressor I'll work on it. I have a video of him getting in my face (like I'm stationary, he gets right up to me) accusing me of being aggressive, trying to bully him and then he knocks the phone out of my hand. Not sure I can ever understand PD enough to get how they believe their delusions. Now instead of saying I'm the one who needs to see someone it's "no wonder no therapist can help you, you can't see you're the problem". It never ends. But when things started going bad years ago before I'd heard of PD or even emotional abuse and thought we had communication issues, he started to parentify GC. She was acting out terribly and I feel so guilty now but he was so against me taking her to see a therapist I didn't. I did see one myself to talk about her and she pointed out that she thinks they are together at the top of the family hierarchy. She was 10. This has caused immense problems for her and our relationship and I could not see what was happening. Now looking back she was probably his replacement supply. Now she's 16 she's too busy for him and I've practised patient/empathic responding to her disrespectful attitude to me. Our relationship is so damaged but there's less conflict, it's going to be slow but I'm working on it. Now exSC is GC. Previously he and exGC would bully exSC together. Nothing I said ever stopped it, now he tells her off for calling him stupid, weak etc. She is so confused. And new GC is loving the attention from his dad. It's so toxic but I feel I need to tread very carefully before I escape as him alienating all 3 is a very real possibility. I'm very close to our youngest - he wanted me to terminate her and ignored her for 5 years. But now he's coming for her too. His love is scarce and conditional so they lap up any attention they get. I was a stay home mum for 11 years, my kids are my life, but honestly my biggest fear is not losing them but thinking of them growing up with only him in their lives.

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Gettintired76 · May 02, 2022, 01:06:40 AM

Damn it saddens me so much to see how many us are going through this very same situation verbatim, and honestly I dont think it can be gauged on severity, because its an impossible actuality no matter what, I've been hit, name called, shunned, told Im the one with problems, and I could deal with that more then whats going on right now. I have lost all contact with my children, and face a real probability of prison due to her lies and yearning for misplaced vengeance. Yes Em enjoy that time with SG, and I know the situation with GC all to well, but right now even she is begging to live with me, my OC who is 14 im afraid Im losing touch with, he has started fighting in school, all he is concerned with is drugs and alcohol, he has become racist and now seems to think rape and sexual assault are joke fodder. Like you Rock I'll never truly understand the mind of a PD, not sure I really want to. I'm in no way telling you this to get you to stop fighting EM, as I am not throwing in the towel just yet. Keep up your strength and you fight for your babies in the end we hope they grow to see it for what it is....at least one parent gave a damn enough to do something.

escapingman · May 02, 2022, 02:22:57 AM

Rock, STBX has always favoured GC but the since I filed this has become a nightmare. She has promoted GC to her new supply and it is emotional incest. GC treats me like she is above me in the hierarchy, and when I try to put a stop tonit she runs to STBX crying and screaming pretending I am trying to hurt her. GC is now spending all spare time with STBX and has given up hobbies and friends, she tells me she is an introvert and don't want to see people (does a 12 year old even know what that is without being explicitly told by someone)?

Yesterday SG asked to meet me in the hotelbar without her friend as soon the friend started getting ready for bed, she wanted to talk about STBX. She said she went really weird because STBX kept sending messages being nice. The day before STBX was horrible to SG.

I have got some further distance anf had a lot of thinking to do. If I don't break this sick twisted game STBX is playing I will lose GC and maybe even SG. I will speak about this with T on Wednesday and Solicitor as soon as possible. We are back home later today so let's see what being back home brings. My guest is a hover followed by devalue.

escapingman · May 03, 2022, 05:16:38 AM

Following yesterdays shitshow I have decided one of us needs out, now. If not I am not sure I will survive any longer, or being baited so badly I will snap and then be branded the crazy one. My real problem is that I can't leave SG behind as she would be abused to high heaven by STBX and GC. Another issue is that leaving GC behind I probably will lose her if not forever a very long time. But if I can't have STBX either removed, arrested or sectioned I will have to leave. I am trying to get hold of my solicitor but no luck so far today, hopefully I can speak to her soon.

square · May 03, 2022, 09:10:58 AM

If it comes down to you leaving with no custody order, I'd say to be sure to ASK GC. Tell her you WANT her. She'll stay with mom but the point is to not abandon her, have her choose.

It's not at all ideal, at ALL. She will tell her mother that she chose her. Her mother will know SG chose you but in this scenario she will know anyway. And this will be weaponixed. But if you don't ask GC that will be weaponized too, oh boy will it.

You might assume GC will choose her mother but don't skip the step of asking.

Obviously you really would prefer the court chooses you for both kids and they don't choose at all.

It's an untenable situation, can you pull the trigger on an abuse or alienation accusation and try to get her out?

I just can'timahine you're expected to live with ths while the wheels of divorce grind on glacially.

escapingman · May 03, 2022, 09:38:56 AM

I really can't leave without a custody order but I might have to. I haven't been able to talk to my solicitor about my options, but I think I might have a few ones 1) Threaten through solicitor that unless STBX leave the house I will either apply for an order to have her removed and/or reporting her to the police or 2) Report her to the police and social or 3) Get an agreement about shared custode ASAP and threaten to report her unless she agrees and then move out. I have no idea what is possible and if any of it is enforceable. I think the police and social is a very real possibility, but until the case reach the court she will be allowed to stay in the house, when I spoke to the police last time it might take absolute ages to get the case to the criminal court. I am talking to my T tomorrow and if I reveal everything I think she will be obliged to report to social, at least that way it's out of my hands.

square · May 03, 2022, 11:28:10 AM

I'm mot a lawyer. But my instinct on what I know about PD is that your "threat" options may not only not work but backfire.

Normally the threat process is
Threat made -> target logically weighs options -> target may choose to fold

Your stbx will not respond ligically to threats. She will likely do some move like report you FIRST for dabricated abuse allegations, after you have shown your hand. She certainly will escalate in other ways, not that it even seems possible at this point.

I wish I had any expertise to share but on the PD side my gut is for you to pull the trigger on police/social. And she HAS been warned already, it didn't work.

You want a reasonable solution but that requires her cooperation. You are not getting it and nothing you do or don't do will elicit it.

She has you against the wall. If you have good evidence, I say pull the trigger. I'm sorry, I wish there was something else.

Another point is that I fear the abuse may lead to something SHE can record and use against you. Society is only starting to wake up to how abuse works, and if she can drive you to where you lose it, you may lose, wrong as that is.

Fonally, this is affecting your kids, as you know. Of course reporting her also has an effect but I just cringe to think what a few more months of this could lead to for the kids and you. I think your relationship with GC could still be salvaged but not under these circumstances, and time is a factor. She is right now being wired for how she treats people, responds to stress, sees the world. There is a chance some of that could be undine or improved but after a while it becomes less likely.

I'm not trying to pressure you and you really need to do what you think is right, with your solicitor's advice. But that is what I'm seeing, over here.

Godspeed.

Poison Ivy · May 03, 2022, 12:02:43 PM

guitarman · May 03, 2022, 12:15:11 PM

I have mentioned this UK organisation before Families Need Fathers. They have a support line. I'm not sure when they close or if they operate 24/7. They have an online forum.

They have a London meeting tomorrow Wednesday 4th May.

https://fnf.org.uk/

I hope they can help you further.

escapingman · May 03, 2022, 12:15:44 PM

Thanks Square, you are of course right. She already got the threat and laughs at it, she will only laugh more. I think I might need to do the perfect attack on her and do protection order with solicitor, social from the T and then report her to the police myself. But to do all 3 at once I need strength and I need to not face her again. Wonder if I can temporary leave the house and do those 3 and not go back until she is removed.

Regarding GC, STBX was out when she came back from school and I offered her to go to the park and play with me and SG and she came with us. She was perfect, talked and laughed with us, obviously the odd sibling banters but OK. Now STBX is back home and she is trying to undermine me again in front of GC.

escapingman · May 03, 2022, 12:17:17 PM

Quote from: guitarman on May 03, 2022, 12:15:11 PM
I have mentioned this UK organisation before Families Need Fathers. They have a support line. I'm not sure when they close or if they operate 24/7. They have an online forum.

They have a London meeting tomorrow Wednesday 4th May.

https://fnf.org.uk/

I hope they can help you further.

I haven't been ready to call anyone like that before, but I think I might be ready very soon, maybe already this week.

Poison Ivy · May 03, 2022, 12:20:57 PM

escapingman, it seems like your GC might be more of a hostage: to your STBX. It seems as though when in the presence of her mom, GC is trying to keep herself safe.

escapingman · May 03, 2022, 12:34:17 PM

Quote from: Poison Ivy on May 03, 2022, 12:20:57 PM
escapingman, it seems like your GC might be more of a hostage: to your STBX. It seems as though when in the presence of her mom, GC is trying to keep herself safe.

She certainly treats me badly to save her own skin, I get that. That's why I can't leave her behind as I know she needs rescuing too.

escapingman · May 03, 2022, 02:28:25 PM

I need help here, STBX is behaving like she is some kind of God here. She has stopped me from taking GC with me 3 times on trips away, she also told me straight to my face she will not let the girls come with me on a trip to see their family on my side in the summer. But right now I found put she is planning to take both girls away next weekend to see her side of the family. I am not sure about the legal bits about this as we still both have full custody, I am also unsure about the upset about playing her game and stop things. However, I see no reason why I should allow her to take the girls to see her side of the family when she already told me she will prevent me from taking them.

Poison Ivy · May 03, 2022, 03:25:32 PM

I can't remember whether you have a lawyer. If you do, contact the lawyer right away.

escapingman · May 03, 2022, 03:28:28 PM

Quote from: Poison Ivy on May 03, 2022, 03:25:32 PM
I can't remember whether you have a lawyer. If you do, contact the lawyer right away.

I do, I am however a bit disappointed in her as she never got back to me about my latest query. I prefer to not have to chase her as she might lose a bit of interest in helping me.