I think I finally might have my evidence

Poison Ivy · May 03, 2022, 04:05:11 PM

Are you in the UK? If yes, this resource might give you some ideas about how to proceed. https://www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce

In general, I will say that even if your lawyer doesn't respond or there isn't time to resolve the disagreement about the children traveling with you, it's still important to let your lawyer know that your wife is attempting to interfere with your custody of the children.

square · May 03, 2022, 05:21:47 PM

I do agree this is a red line. Either she agrees to equitable holidays with the children or neither of you can take them anywhere. I would not set any precedent whatsoever where the mother is allowed to take the children and the father isn't. NO.

escapingman · May 04, 2022, 02:36:43 AM

Last night again she came in and lectured me that I am only allowed in 2 rooms in the house, where I sleep and where I work. She on the other hand also has 2 room, the one where she sleep and the lounge where she relax - but she also use the kids room for work. Kitchen is kind of shared but is hers to be honest. Then I was accused for slamming the door when going out with the trash and she physically blocked the doorway when I was going through. I asked her 5 times to move as she was physically blocking me from moving and therefor locked in a room. As I am not using violence I had to wait being locked in a room until she eventually left.

I need to talk a strategy with T and Solicitor. I can't have the T just running to social and have them making the same mess as last time, that really put me in an awful situation. For clarity, last time social asked school to check with the kids if they were OK and the teacher told them that their social worker had asked to talk to them regarding the divorce (that had not even been announced at that time). Obviously this was reported back to STBX by GC straight away, SG not telling the truth as she was scared of GC finding out.

I am feeling sick to the bottom of my stomach about all this.

SonofThunder · May 04, 2022, 05:38:46 AM

EM, does your stbx block your path, even after you begin openly smart-phone recording the block occurring?

Wisely you did not physically make a path forward, as you may possibly have an alternative way to reach your desired location, or you also, as you wrote, have a adult and asset owned right to stand there until the path clears. You also have a right to document the block and the subsequent reaction by stbx, which will then also document yourself as well.

Hopefully your smartphone is remaining with you at times and on the ready for occasions such as these.

SoT

escapingman · May 04, 2022, 05:46:38 AM

SoT, I had my smart phone laying on my desk with the voice recording on. I calmly told her 5 times she was blocking my path and I would like her to move to let me out of the room. All this recorded so unless something is up with the recording it should be pretty obvious what was going on. At the same time as this she also explained to me that I am only allowed in 2 rooms in the house.

SonofThunder · May 04, 2022, 06:06:13 AM

Quote from: escapingman on May 04, 2022, 05:46:38 AM
SoT, I had my smart phone laying on my desk with the voice recording on. I calmly told her 5 times she was blocking my path and I would like her to move to let me out of the room. All this recorded so unless something is up with the recording it should be pretty obvious what was going on. At the same time as this she also explained to me that I am only allowed in 2 rooms in the house.

Understood. It would be interesting to witness her reaction to a very obvious video recording of an event, to witness whether it ends the abuse at that moment or sends her into a video-captured PD rage.

My stbx would purposefully confront me in the rooms of our home that were not covered by security cam footage and frequently in situations where i was asleep and then woken to questioning and accusation, as there was no evidence and my mind was not functioning well in that sleep situation.

Toward the end, i began sleeping on the couch in the living room, which is well covered in security cam footage (her account) and those events ceased. I personally believe you have much evidence already, so wondering if obvious video recording, will shorten/deescalate your abuse sessions or finally provide you the overwhelming rage abuse footage you need to have her (or you + both children) removed from that home.

SoT

escapingman · May 04, 2022, 07:05:56 AM

SoT, if I put a camera in front of her I am sure she would lose it completely. I prefer for this to not happen in front of the kids, but surely it's an option. I am still considering what next steps should be, preferable I don't want to involve police and the rest, but if required I will have to. My preferred option is to get a deal where she moves out. If she thinks she is winning with a deal, she might go for it, she could also agree to move out if she can become a victim. Impossible to guess what she would do, I better just suggest what I want and then see what happens.

SonofThunder · May 04, 2022, 08:45:56 AM

Quote from: escapingman on May 04, 2022, 07:05:56 AM
SoT, if I put a camera in front of her I am sure she would lose it completely. I prefer for this to not happen in front of the kids, but surely it's an option. I am still considering what next steps should be, preferable I don't want to involve police and the rest, but if required I will have to. My preferred option is to get a deal where she moves out. If she thinks she is winning with a deal, she might go for it, she could also agree to move out if she can become a victim. Impossible to guess what she would do, I better just suggest what I want and then see what happens.

EM, understood on your preferred option. " I am sure she would lose it completely. I prefer for this to not happen in front of the kids, but surely it's an option".

That evidence (imo), for police and social, would be a helpful piece in the truth-war if needed, in order to protect both kids in the long haul.

Hoping you have success in your desired option,

SoT

escapingman · May 04, 2022, 09:47:41 AM

SoT, thanks for your continued support.

I am very clear in my mind what I want, finally, after all these months. I think her last ambush yesterday really was the final push she needed to do to make me fully see that I truly am over her and just want to get out. If this can be achieved without police and court involvement that would be the best, but I am prepared if she push me into a corner. I will however push on with my agenda, which is to play the game of the law and present an offer of financial settlement and custody. So far it has been a lot of barking from her side but no biting, I think that might continue the same. If so, it would suit her very well to move out, leave the children with me and then play the victim of being thrown out of the house. I am not going to let her lead this, I will take the lead and fight for my rights and what is mine.

I spoke to T today and we had a good sessions, we talked about the family dynamics and it felt good to talk to someone about it. I left out the worst abuse, but I am sure the T got the picture. I was really down before the meeting, but a couple of hours after I started to feel quite good. Maybe it is helping.

SonofThunder · May 04, 2022, 09:58:36 AM

EM, glad to read you were able to meet with your T and experience more upbeat emotions and support. All the best.

SoT

JustKeepTrying · May 04, 2022, 10:01:10 AM

EM, Please do not leave out the worst bits of the abuse when you talk to your therapist and lawyer. They need to know all the information - including sharing of what evidence you have - this is vital to their understanding the situation and helping you. Don't rely on - I think she gets it -

I didn't share the physical. I was so ashamed that I let it get that far. I should have and I regret it and am now paying for it.

Please share the extremes - they need to know

escapingman · May 04, 2022, 10:55:38 AM

JKT, I still find it hard to talk about the worst abuse, but it will hopefully come. I am also waiting to discuss strategy with my solicitor to see if I should go all in for protection orders and police or try without. I am confused and tired and just want this to end.

square · May 04, 2022, 11:28:49 AM

You say you don't want to annoy the solicitor with follow ups, and I get that. I, too, would be sure not to be "that" client.

HOWEVER. You are not "that" client for following up at reasonable intervals. Don't just sit back and hope you're on the radar. If they aren't responding timely, ring them up and check in. You are a paying client and your situation requires timely service. Just like if your gas was not working, you'd expect a serviceman out in a reasonable time for the urgency of the situation and not just tell your kids they'll just have to go the week without heat since you haven't heard back. Well, your situation is urgent.

escapingman · May 04, 2022, 11:49:21 AM

Square, thank you. She has always responded very fast in tve past, but there is also a new solicitor in the team so not sure exactly who is rhe main contact right now. I will call tomorrow but didn't want to be a pain.

JustKeepTrying · May 04, 2022, 01:09:21 PM

My sympathies for you EM. I know it is hard to share and trust has to be built. It took me three months of weekly sessions to really share with my T. I never really shared with my lawyer all the was going on and I didn't talk about it with my adult children. It takes time but also don't be afraid to be direct, unemotional and tell it like it is to your lawyer. They need to know so they can develop best strategies. You have been given great advice here in the past so lean into that and wear it like a shield when you to your lawyer.

Also, you aren't that client. You have an increasingly dangerous situation and you need help. You are paying for that help. Don't be afraid to ask for it. It's not like you are calling daily asking for little things. This is becoming serious and your daughters welfare is at stake. So ask for help. And if they don't call you back in 24 hours, call them. That is reasonable.

escapingman · May 05, 2022, 06:09:29 AM

STBX got caught in her own lies yesterday, by SG (and me) and it was so fun to see her face. SG wanted to watch the champions league semi final on TV, but as this was in the evening STBX watch whatever she wants on the TV. She got in a mood (of course) and told me that I have 2 rooms (she keep telling me this) in the house, my bedroom and my office. She then said she also have 2 rooms in the house, her bedroom and the lounge (with the TV). SG then told her that actually, she uses the girls room for work so she has 3 rooms. STBX then quickly replied very smug that she only uses the girls room for work so she leaves the room when she finish work. I then replied, I use my office for work so when I finish work I leave the office. Her face fell on the floor and SG laughed out loudly. Needless to say STBX played the victim the rest of the evening and me and SG watched the football in the lounge.

escapingman · May 05, 2022, 10:36:57 AM

Spoke to solicitor, they were not ignoring me but putting my case together. I got a meeting scheduled for next week to agree what to do next and what to ask for. I will have the weekend to think this through and what kind of war I am prepared to fight. Apparently the solicitor got a letter from STBX's solicitor asking for some stupid thi gs that my solicitor laughed at.

I am starting to feel suffocated. But hopefully the end is near.

JustKeepTrying · May 05, 2022, 11:17:54 AM

This is good news EM. You are nearing the end. Even though she is weird with the room thing and tantruming - causing all kinds of strangeness - it's almost over. Your meeting is the beginning of the the technical stuff - like who wants what and when and where - sometimes focusing on that helps - I hope it moves quickly now and you can hold on until the end. I also hope they give you specific info on who can move and when so you can begin making plans.

escapingman · May 05, 2022, 01:27:27 PM

I reread the latest communications from STBX's solicitor and I am struggling to stop myself from wetting myself laughing. I know it is serious matters, but she is sitting in the playground trying to get me to join her. I am not sure if her solicitor is straight out of nappies, but what has been suggested is not coming from anyone with any pride in the profession. I am not going to get into details, but it is in the line of us having a joint asset and me selling the asset for tax purpose for both of our benefit and then dividing the proceedings 50/50 between us (as I have done each year for the last 10 years). I truly wonder how I can be accused for being a criminal when disposing of an asset of no value for either of us and then sharing the money. How a solicitor can even suggest it makes me wonder. But, this has really make me realise I will need to fight a proper truth war and that will include taking her down. I don't really care that much about the money, but I do care about the children. To get the children, she needs to be exposed. She really doesn't understand what she had done to herself. I am up for it.

escapingman · May 05, 2022, 04:54:13 PM

STBX and GC has now made up this new rule, in addition to me only being allowed in my bedroom and the office, I am also only allowed to sit on one of the chairs in the kitchen if I ever get in to it. It is becoming clear I will have to fight her for everything, it will be expensive with solicitors fees - but it will anyway as STBX is running up the cost for stupid things. I am so glad SG can see through her, but at the same time so sad GC can't.