The next step.

[bloomie]

Well done, Square! What a relief on so many levels to know your DD is seeing the possibilities for a peaceful, clean, healthy living space with you!

[square]

It's been hard. I was right when I suspected H was processing things slowly. He has emotionally fallen apart. He is begging me to stay. Making all these promises. It's hard.

But I've tried and tried and tried with him, and promises were broken. I was on the waiting list for a year. It's not like I can give him a month and see how it goes. This is my train, either I get on it or it leaves without me.

I have no wish to hurt him and his pain is painful to me. But I can't stay.

When the "bargaining" stage of grief runs out for him, I wonder what will be next. Not looking forward to any of it.

I've already done most of the grieving. It's like I onew the marriage died years ago and now is the funeral, which brings up emotions but not quite like first finding out. H is having the experience of getting the news.

[MaxedOut]

You got this, Square!

And, yes, you have tried and tried.

In case you feel any shakiness... A wise Square once told me "In your mind, you are in a defensive position where you are unsure if you owe tolerance due to her pain, her disability, your marriage vows, your obligation, anything else that might be involved.

Now, in your mind, put her in the hot seat instead....

What gets difficult with people with distorted thinking is that the fact they believe so hard that they are correct confuses the rest of us....

She may not see it your way, and that's okay. Prepare your mind accordingly. You're not going to convince her. That's fine."

[bloomie]

square - your compassion for your H is honorable. You are so far down the road of grieving and revelation in the marriage from him I trust that continues to give you stability as you get on your train.

Hold on to what you know is true. That leads to freedom.

[SonofThunder]

square - your compassion for your H is honorable. You are so far down the road of grieving and revelation in the marriage from him I trust that continues to give you stability as you get on your train.

Hold on to what you know is true. That leads to freedom.

+1000

I can surely attest to that truth!

SoT

[SonofThunder]

Hi Square,

In further encouragement to continue forward and catch your train.

You wrote: 

"He is begging me to stay. Making all these promises. It's hard"

You also wrote:

"I have no wish to hurt him and his pain is painful to me."

All of his reactions are self-focused and imo his fear-of-abandonment (foa) foundational trait is rising like magma to the surface. The motive is all about him. You are not hurting him. He has selfishly hurt you for a very long time and you are departing on the next train out to provide yourself what you need.

As difficult as foa is to witness, is still just more of the same 'self' being the only focus of the PD.

SoT