The next step.

[notrightinthehead]

Please focus on getting all the help you can and leave the self flagellation for later. Don't even go down that path for now, think of something else, some agency you can approach, something you can apply for. You need strength now, not regret. Look forward, not back.
Do you remember Mintstripes? She had to move to a shelter with her little child. No job, no family, no money, yet she left her abusive husband. A year later life was still hard, but she was in a much better place.
Don't give up now!

[MaxedOut]

 

[square]

Not self flagellating.

Angry.

[notrightinthehead]

Anger can be a source of energy. Don't be angry with yourself though, you already live with the damage.

[newlyawakened]

Not self flagellating. Angry.

Hi Square, Channel it wisely and save your energy for cool headed execution of your plan. You can do this. There is a whole community of us rooting for you. Have you watched the movie Pursuit of happines ( will smith) based on a true story. I always think of this story when I feel down and out.

[SonofThunder]

Square, I fully believe you should step out in faith that God is absolutely 100% aware of the details of your entire situation, yet it seems impossible to you.  I remember praying with other comrades here for you to get accepted and that seemed impossible also. You got accepted Square!

Impossibilities and perfect timing are God's specialty because the glory of the solutions are HIS.  The scary door of unknowns is open before you Square.  Step into the open door and then see what other doors open when you step out in faith. 

Gods timing may not have been what I had in mind for so many situations, but every time I have looked in the rear view mirror, I am able to see that any other way and any other timing would not have been best. 

You can do this Square!  March into new territory my comrade, you are not alone!

SoT

[SonofThunder]

This might all be old news but it sounds a bit like the news was overwhelming, so some thoughts (even thought you did not ask for advice-apologies if not helpful).

If you are in the US, Square:

• There is most likely free or subsidized internet access options you qualify for either through providers like comcast or Verizon or local or state government.
• Many community colleges have rapid-approval emergency scholarships DD may qualify to get that are designed for unexpected financial costs and such.
• You likely qualify for EBT and independent programs (in my area there are free CSA type produce boxes delivered for low-income people with disabilities in additions to stuff like food pantries).
• Low income and disability status may qualify you for free prepared meals from Meals on Wheels or similar
• Some states enacted and still have rental assistance and eviction prevention programs passed due to Covid

In general, good connectors/knowledge holders who may be relevant include DD's college scholarship office/success coaches/etc. (whoever helps keep students enrolled); health plan or health system's community health department and Medicare/Medicaid care coordinators; your state's disability resource office/association/coalition and local commission/association for the blind/visually impaired. I hope DD welcomes/warms to the idea, and is invested in a team approach.

MaxedOut, I absolutely love the creative thinking and practical, useable nature of that advice. 🤛🏼

SoT

[escapingman]

Hi Square, I just wanted to drop a note that you are in my thoughts and I hope all is going well for you.

 

[square]

The support from you guys mean more than you all know.

[square]

I told H. It went well. I'm fine.

Don't know if he's in denial or just processing slowly. He was initially angry but just normal person angry. Then some love bombing. Then didn't speak to me for a day (totally normal). Then spoke to me about something urgent regarding DD. I haven't seen the last of the reaction yet.

I also notice the only question he asked was whether DD knew, and I think it was a real bullet dodged that the answer was no. No questions about where I'm going, if I have a bedroom for DD, how we are going to handle the house and mortgage, nothing. Didn't ask about divorce. Didn't express any concern for affording bills on his own. I'm thinking he is not really processing this but I dunno.

Nervous about telling DD. Thinking tomorrow maybe.

Have not started any work like finding a mover, getting boxes, etc. But then again I'm still waiting for an appointment to view the place and sign the papers.

Still really nervous about making this work financially. But hopefully it'll work out somehow.

[notrightinthehead]

I am so glad! Another step forward. Keeping my fingers crossed that the talk with DD will go well too.

[SonofThunder]

I am so glad! Another step forward. Keeping my fingers crossed that the talk with DD will go well too.

 

Go Square!!  Keep moving forward comrade.

SoT

[bloomie]

Square - what a huge step forward! Wow! Cheering you on!!!

[square]

So he has been processing this slowly. And it's been hard.

But I feel perfectly safe. But aware that could change, I have no idea.

DD met up with a friend yesterday so Ibdidn'tvtell her. Steeling myself to do it today.

[SonofThunder]

Steeling myself to do it today.

The steady incremental progress is fantastic Square!  Keep pressing forward freedom soldier!

SoT

[MaxedOut]

Happy for you Square. Reading this made your choice about not telling DD pop in my head.

That made me think about all of the mental headspace and hypotheticals we end up thinking through in order to moderate emotional reactions.

My SO had a crisis cycle a week ago with suicidal thoughts/actions and rapid conflict with me and her sibling. Said sibling texted a few days later asking if SO was OK. I have taken to deleting texts from others when stuff is going on to basically avoid conflict about showing messages (which generally have nothing a non-PD person would find objectionable but a PD person sure can, with the resulting anger often directed at me, in addition to me trying to and failing to maintain my boundaries/values about expectations of privacy and safety communications with the sibling).

There is so much little and big stuff like that; it is one of those boiled frog areas that you start to see more clearly when coming Out of the FOG. I know you likely will have to continue some of that, given DD, but I look forward to you not having to think so much about his reactions.

[square]

Okay, I did it. It went well.

She was shocked at first. But slowly considered it.

But when I told her where the apartment was, suddenly she could really see it. We've seen some apartments in this town that are really bad, holes in the wall and kitchen sagging into the basement and drunk people yelling outside. But she knew someone a long time ago who lived in this place and it's not just okay but nice.

So, suddenly she was seeing it. The idea of having her friends over. The idea of me teaching her to cook. The idea of just having a clean space. She told me there at least used to be a garden spot outside (I didn't know that). I could grow fresh herbs in the summer.

I did explain that as tight as our budget has been, it would be even tighter, but I thought it would be worth it, and she was on board.

She also liked that the place is so close (less than half a mile) she could easily watch tv with her dad every night even on nights she sleeps in the apartment.

I had explained to H last night that his relationship with DD is also being affected in similar ways as with me. He was shocked and vowed to improve this.

[square]

MaxedOut, agreed, I feel like losing the burden of thinking about reactions will give me more emotional space.

[escapingman]

Excellent news Square, well done!

[SonofThunder]

Excellent news Square, well done!

So awesome Square! Love the optimism in the entire update! Turning unknowns to knowns, one careful step at a time.  Well done my friend!

SoT