procrastination

Started by Jolie40, October 03, 2020, 05:16:46 PM

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Oscen

Hi Jolie40, procrastination most definitely is the result of chaotic family environment / toxicity / abuse, etc.
Procrastination was the thing that first brought me to therapy.
I'd never have started discovering that my family was basically toxic if it hand't been for that.

I always thought that there was something terribly wrong with me, but I learned that this is normal behaviour for people in my situation.
I'm slowly getting better - it's very encouraging.

People are talking about bottom-up strategies, like scheduling, small steps, calendars and techniques, these are all very useful and important and I use them too, of course.

I wanted to add, don't forget about the top-down stuff that also contributes - so rather than practical day-today stuff, also ask yourself some questions:
-why do you want to get your work done? - if it's just because you have to do stuff or need please the people around you and there's nothing there that's innately fulfilling for you, then that's the real problem. You need something meaningful to look forward to, and you need to enjoy at least some of the work you're doing.

-why do daily tasks seem so pointless/onerous and why do you avoid them? what beliefs do you have about getting work done? how could you change those? I used to believe that housework was to be resented because my M did, and so sharing that resentment was a way to maintain a bond with her. But it meant I was living in chaos, refusing to fulfil my obligations and organise my home life! I actually don't mind cleaning etc now, when I think about how it's necessary and helping me live a comfortable life and accomplish other, more important things.

-do you believe you have a purpose here on earth? something to contribute? are you contributing in this way regularly, or moving towards learning the skills you need to contribute this way? or if you don't know what your way of contributing is, are you at least trying new things regularly to see what you enjoy, what you find meaningful, and what you don't? what are your strengths and weaknesses? likes and dislikes? does your work/hobbies reflect that at all? if not, you'll run out of motivation very quickly. motivation is not an innate quality, but a tank that fills when we do things we like. There should be enough fuel in there to get you through the necessary things you don't like, provided it's getting regularly replenished.

Jolie40

#21
thanks for your long replies 1footouttadefog & Oscen

got 2020 taxes done on time this year!
however, the 2019 fed/state not done yet   :stars:
bought & sold house so knowing those taxes will be more complicated has me STILL procrastinating

recently, woke up to "taxes" signs all over house
every time I turned around, found another sign, lol

did promise husband will do by end of summer
be good to yourself

Jolie40

#22
Oscen,
those are good questions to reflect on!

I worked a number of jobs before becoming sahm

sahm felt the most important & I relished those young toddler years spending the whole day with child having fun since "play is a child's work"

now child is growing & needs me less so my imp. purpose is disappearing
also, we lost our dog last year
miss dog in our life & caring for elderly dog

starting to feel aimless...
like no one needs me anymore

I liked being needed
be good to yourself

Oscen

Quote from: Jolie40 on July 09, 2021, 02:20:07 PM
starting to feel aimless...
like no one needs me anymore

I liked being needed

Aww, don't we all!

Thinking about needs and feeling needed, I love this quote:
"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive."