procrastination

Started by Jolie40, October 03, 2020, 05:16:46 PM

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Jolie40

could procrastination be a result of growing up in a chaotic family?


did the tax extension form this year & taxes are due soon & just can't get started
this covid thing & not being able to do normal things has me plain worn out

taxes are my job so can't ask husband
I've always done them & he only checks my math

how do I get motivated?
this procrastination is something I do need to work on as taxes aren't the only thing I put off

anyone else a procrastinator?
be good to yourself

GettingOOTF

I have been reading a lot about how procrastination is a form of anxiety.

I grew up on a chaotic house and projects etc. were never finished. I'm a terrible procrastinator and I tend to go in to things 100% but rarely finish anything. I started painting my living room in May. I only finished this weekend. I lived for months with half painted trim and painters tape all over. It took just under two hours to finish vs starring at it everyday and being stressed for months.

I'm working on finishing small things now. One of my big issues is I never open mail. It's so silly. So now I'm working on that. I out off the most ridiculous things then I spend all this time thinking and stressing about how I should be starting them.

Jolie40

thanks for your input GettingOOTF
didn't know procrastination was a sign of anxiety

thought maybe it could be a sign of perfectionism
takes a lot of time & effort to do things perfectly so I'll do that tomorrow....
be good to yourself

blacksheep7

Quote from: Jolie40 on October 03, 2020, 05:16:46 PM
could procrastination be a result of growing up in a chaotic family?


did the tax extension form this year & taxes are due soon & just can't get started
this covid thing & not being able to do normal things has me plain worn out

taxes are my job so can't ask husband
I've always done them & he only checks my math

how do I get motivated?
this procrastination is something I do need to work on as taxes aren't the only thing I put off

anyone else a procrastinator?

GettingOOTF answered your question.  I have had episodes of procrastination and sometimes still do with things that I have less interest in that I can compare with you putting off the taxes.

I noticed that I procrastinate when I am not feeling good about myself, that I am just not in a good place in mentally.
Everything seems to be a burden.

I have two projects that I started years ago that I put aside because I was coming Out of the FOG.   I will be finally getting them started with the winter months coming.
I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear.

"When people show you who they are, believe them."
Maya Angelou

blacksheep7

I wanted to add that my anxiety which always appeared in physical symptoms such as migraines or headaches, nausea and a new one added to my list irritable bowel syndrome which I only got after NF died having deal with NM.etc has lowered to practically none.

If I do get these, I know that something is bothering me, meanwhile  I still have a form of anxiety that has been with me since my teens having to be on red alert all the time growning up «walking on eggshells».

I am hyperactive.  This is what I have to work on cause I can't sit still for very long. This is verrrrrry hard. I do excercise, have all my life, it's a part of me.  Another reason to procrastinate on important things  or projects that take concentration.

I'm sure this would be another subject altogether.  We are three hyperactive kids out of four. :(
I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear.

"When people show you who they are, believe them."
Maya Angelou

GettingOOTF

Apparently Perfectionism is actually a form of procrastination.  It's amazing how these things are all connected. Nothing exists in a vacuum.

Once I started doing the inner work I leaned so much about myself and what I thought were simply the way things were about me.

For me I've found taking tiny steps to be the most effective. Slowly training myself to react in different ways. We really can retain our brain, the issue is that it doesn't what to be retrained so it really talked a lot for someone to make these changes. This is why things like addictions are so hard to over come.

Hepatica

How would you train your brain to no longer procrastinate?
I think my issue with procrastination is perfectionism/anxiety related for sure.
"There is a place in you where you have never been wounded, where there's
still a sureness in you, where there's a seamlessness in you, and where
there is a confidence and tranquility." John O'Donohue

Jolie40

#7
yes!
city taxes got mailed in time (they have a penalty if late)
still need to do federal & state


be good to yourself

Jolie40

#8
GettingOOTF

interesting perfectionism is a form of procrastination
be good to yourself

Boat Babe

Mmmm.....  I know this one too. Tasks that take twenty minutes, put off for weeks/months. Incurring increased costs because of lateness. Hassle. Looking at the pile of paperwork squatting like a toad (apologies to Philip Larkin) Always manyana.

Is it an aspect of depression? A lack of self worth?  Demand avoidance? A deficit of executive function?  I really don't know but it's a problem.

So, my question is, who here has got a grip on their procrastination?  Enlightenment gratefully received 😁
It gets better. It has to.

Jolie40

#10
maybe someone has hints to deal with procrastination?

it is a problem not just for people on this forum but people in general


for me, it's PPP (paperwork problems period)
any type of paperwork so maybe why I put off taxes




be good to yourself

GettingOOTF

#11
The way to stop procrastinating is to do the things you are avoiding until you train your brain there is no reason to avoid them. 

For me I had to realize that some things I would never want to do so I had to just suck it up and do them.  I had to stop expecting things to be easy and enjoyable. Some things simply aren’t for me but doing them is easier in the long run than not.

Like all the issues people bring here the underlying causes are complex and there is no simple solution. The only solution is to do the work and in the short term doing the work really sucks which is why we are all avoiding it.


Jolie40

that makes sense Out of the FOG

I'm a person that likes to do fun things
and taxes no fun at all, lol
be good to yourself

IRedW77

Quote from: blacksheep7 on October 04, 2020, 11:21:11 AM
I am hyperactive.  This is what I have to work on cause I can't sit still for very long. This is verrrrrry hard. I do excercise, have all my life, it's a part of me.  Another reason to procrastinate on important things  or projects that take concentration.

I'm sure this would be another subject altogether.  We are three hyperactive kids out of four. :(

This quote just struck me. If you've done lots of therapy already then maybe you'll have already ruled this out, but have you ever been tested for ADHD?

PD's often have other comorbid heritable mental health conditions. You may have dodged the PD bullet (as far as having it yourself) but there might be something else going on that you could come at from a different direction.

Just the hyperactivity, and family hyperactivity and specifically procrastinating tasks that require concentration. It could all be total coincidence, but those are big red flags for ADHD.

Mamu

I got this challenge. If u give me a task to do I will do it but I won't do mine. This boils down to self love, putting others first, Also I read the book "The Four Tendencies" So those with Obligator tendency tend to look for motivation outwards. Also as an empath and HSP  i had been absorbing my mom's negativity. I'm work in progress. A few tasks are happening. Not all yet.

Amedee

I procrastinate, too.  Haven't got a full handle on it, but am chipping away and working to change.  The roots probably lie in a habitual sense of worthlessness and hopelessness that has been passed down to me through generations.  Getting things done = self care.   And there's a deep ambivalence about valuing myself and my time that highly.  It's also the path of least resistance.

What always does work for me is the timer trick.  I set a timer for twenty minutes (or whatever unit makes sense), and commit to the task at hand until the buzzer goes off.  That gives it a manageable beginning and end, and I am less prone to giving in to distractions.

When I can run my whole day that way, it is almost exhilarating and very satisfying.  It changes my whole outlook on life.  I need to do that more often.

Amedee

A tidying up trick I think I got from Flylady is this:  Pick up 24 items, and put them where they belong.  Count 24.  This works for desk, rooms, car, etc....  Takes just minutes, and very effective.

This one actually works for me, and I do it all the time.

Jolie40

#17
good ideas Amedee
if only they could get me to do taxes

heard on news that addresses for mailing stimulus check are taken from 2019 taxes
(I have not done 2019 fed/state taxes yet)

told husband & he said we threw that $ away
hopefully, there is SOME way to still get the stimulus check!?
be good to yourself

Jolie40

#18
Mamu
I'm an empath, too

in college, a classmate was describing an accident she'd been in yrs ago

could feel & identify with her pain & I started crying even with several other classmates around
be good to yourself

1footouttadefog

For many things a since of perfectionism comtributes to procrastinating on certain projects /tasks.  Additionally I seem to want to start something and work until its done. If that gets derailed I have a hard time getting my momentum again.

To this end looking at ways to break larger projects and tasks into smaller chunks I can master in one time block.

Planning thede blocks if time is now a first chunck for me.

Taxes might look like this.

Planning info gathering.  What will I need to gather.... make a list. What are deadlines for each part ... mark calendar. Wuat phone numbers and addresses will I need look those up add to list. 

Gather and sort related papers, find and print forms, make related calls.

Read related forms start filling out. Make related calls do research, or start online filing process.

Continue blocks of time as needed.

For me part of the anxiety is getting in the middle amd needing something or being asked a question or detail I cannot or am too unprepared or disorganized to answer.  Starting woth the brainstorming over what I need and then gatjering it before starting releaves this to a large extent. 

Identifying what the primary trigger or related emotional baggage or insecurity etc and working ti address that helps me face stuff instead of putting it off.

Also I realize I developed anxiety based on false expectations.  I think that being in a somewhat dysfuctional home and having a narc brother and being teased alot at home akd bullied at school gave the impression that everyone comes by things easier than I do, yet as I got older I saw that sucessful people emply the very tools that I was made to believe were crutches.  Calendars, lists, organizers, reminders, delegating, outsourcing etc.  were all seen as supports and weaknesses in my younger years.  Time management was seen as being controlled, not as the budgeting  of a limited resource that would allow me to be in control.

I guess my family/class culture was a bit of a mismatch for my adult life and it took longer than it should have for me to figure it out.